Don't leave your kids. That's terrible, no matter how mad they may be with you.

How are they with OM? Has she brought them around him?

Trust me on something, they will never accept him. They may do the dog and pony show for their mom, but he'll never be accepted. You will likely go through stages with them. Right now they're taking her side.

All you can do is continue to try to be a loving father. Why are they against you and for mom? Do they accept her adultery?

Leaving them will royally screw them up. Get 3 jobs if you need to get by, but don't leave your kids. They're not little kids. You don't have to worry about sitters and nannies and such. You can work a second job if necessary.

The worst thing you can do is leave them. You're being very short sighted, just as I was. You're missing the forest for the trees. The kids NEED you. Who cares if they're mad. They're teens. Mad is their default mode of operation. They lash out because they are confused.

Your daughters especially need you to be in their lives.

How do you know this man she's with isn't a pedophile? You need to be a source for them to approach if things ever get questionable. You need to be their sanctuary. Even if you're in a 3 bedroom apartment, you need to be their source of refuge from the madness of your WW.

Your wife is dead. The WW is an evil, nasty woman who looks like your W, but that's it. Cut her off financially if you're able to. Make her pay for her own stuff.

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR KIDS! She wins if you do this. You will hand your children over to a cheating adulteress. I made that mistake and I'm paying for it.

Your kids will have a say in custody, but I can guarantee you that they will likely rebel against the adultery if she tries to impose this man on them.

Hang in there, be strong and be a man. Retreat is not an option and neither is running away.

Alright broken dreams, explain how things didn't work for you. I'm getting so much conflicting advice, but what you need to realize is that the a SAHD is not a respectable individual. Don't hand me plattitudes, I'm sick of plattitudes. My kids don't respect me because my wife is the executive and makes the money, not me. I'm sick of the look on my kid's faces when they try to tell their friends what I do for a living. A mother always has a slight emotional advantage with kids, especially boys. My kids can travel. They can hop on a plane to see me if necessary. They fly all the time.

If I can get myself in a good situation in an exciting location with a good job, then I'm going to be a very appealing father. Of all the advice I've been given, this is the best advice. My wife can deal with the kids and try to make the OM happy. He isn't going to stick around under these circumstances.

You need some counseling. Your insecurities are eating you alive. Yeah, I'm sure you'll be nominated for dad of the year abandoning your children and having them come fly to see you a couple time a year. Get a grip. Why don't you just stop posting because you obviously don't care about saving your marriage and keeping your family together, you just care about feeding your ego and feeling like a man again. If fighting for your marriage and your family doesn't make you feel like a man, then there is nothing I can do for you.

Help,

Let me make something clear. I for one applaud your willingness to a SAHD. This is something the TWO of you agreed on and this in my mind carries as much weight and prestige as it would if your wife were a SAHM. Its admirable.
Now what is not admirable is giving up and letting your WW take the boys and move them in with the boyfriend of the week. Things that are right and just normally don't have paved roads, they are rocky and dirty and hard ways to travel. Stay strong, stay in the game and protect your children from WW's selfishness and entitlement.

Gotta agree with these folks! You want to be Dad-of-the-Year by letting your kids live with a mother that is substandard at best! She is no example of a woman or a mother and has shown herself to be a bad mother thru this. And you want your boys to live in that environment? With two people that have no clue about honor, character, morals, etc??

Your kids need at least one good parent. Your wife so far is not it. And now you wanna choose to be like her? You want to abandon them to this mess?

If you dont fight for those kids, no one will! And they will suffer. Mark my words.

HWW,

I agree with Jim here, you are letting EGO lead you, emotion lead you. Your wife is not thinking about her children, and now you aren't . Who's going to be the adult and sacrifice for those kids. Yup, you decided to be the parent, NOW BE ONE. Never, ever leave your children; they will never be the same once you do. Yes, your daily strife will likely end, but you will be sacrificing the future of your kids for a quick fix to your problem, and YOUR problem alone.

Who the h3ll are you talking to that tells you that being a SAHD is a position of disrespect? Stop listening to CHILDREN, who know nothing of being adults. You are their father, not their buddy, and they may curse you and swear at you and even say horrible things like "i wish you were dead". They are KIDS. I used to say those things about my mom and STEP father. I never accepted him, ever. I hated living with him. HE never cared for us, not really, it was a terrible sitch.

Do not give in to what your WAYWARD wife says about you to the kids or anyone else for that matter; who gives a flying fart what she thinks. She's, currently, a POS wayward, good for nearly nothing, sucking up everybody elses oxygen with her hot air.

If you move, YOU LOSE. You will rarely see your children, for you will be painted as an abandoner in court. Judges don't know you, they rule by the law, and what you DO; they don't care that you did it because you were feeling low, and your self-respect was thrown out the window. They will not care WHY you left, just that you did. You may not care now, but you sure as h3ll will when you never see your children again, and they hate you because you left them. They will not understand, no matter what you say; they will BE ABANDONED by you.

Give this some real thought without emotion or vanity. What is best for those kids right now and as they grow? Money isn't everything [email]d@mnit![/email] I was happier as a poor child than I ever was when my mom remarried

Sil pretty much sums it up here, Help......

Help,

The advice here is pretty universal. Moving away is the worst thing you can do.

You are, indeed, very insecure. You don't need to earn a lot of money to be a dad. The kids would rather you be poor and have A job vs an exec with 16 hour days making lots of money and not seeing them. It's not like you're sitting around hoping your acting career takes off while you spend the day smoking weed. You're out there, working, and that says more than not doing anything.

Shed your insecurities. Your focus needs to be on your kids and protecting them from her and her decisions, NOT on how you feel about your job and the kind of life you can give the kids.

Look at it this way, if you get custody she pays you child support and spousal support.

You need to be smart, though, because you won't get jack if you move away.

Moving away is horrible for your kids. I'm positive that the kids would rather you be a janitor just getting by but around and near them than an exec somewhere they only get to see a few times a year.

Get the great job away from there in 5 years when the youngest kids are grown up. Otherwise, be there, near them and fight for them.

You're too pessimistic and too insecure.

Insecurity comes with being a BS. It gets better.

Who cares what your kids think about your job? I'll bet you they'd rather have you around.

Trust me, they'll look back when they're older and see the effort you're putting in to be there for them IF YOU DON'T LEAVE!

They'll respect you for it. It might take them being in their 20s and having their own families to see it, but they'll see it eventually.

Can't take them on a trip? Take them to the park. Play soccer with them. Play video games with them. Take them to movies, or out swing dancing, or dinner. MAKE them dinner and sit down together as a family. Take them to a soccer game (it's cheap compared to other sports). Take them out to play paintball and have all of them team up against you in a forest somewhere. Take them to an arcade. Play a board game with them.

Go to their school activities. Ask them how their classes are going. Who are their friends? What do they like to do with their friends?

Your activities with the kids don't need to be expensive to be meaningful for them. I know a man who had to wake up very early every day to work with his dad on the family farm. It sucked and he griped and moaned about it while growing up. You know what happened when he left for college? He realized how much quality time with his father he had by doing that and missed it. Time with the kids is more important than expensive occasional trips with them.

They will be gone before you know it and you'll regret not having the chance to play ball with them or a board game. Cat's in the cradle. Think about it.

Don't miss the forest for the trees.

Your kids and your time with them are much more important than out earning your crazy WW.

The clock is ticking on you. They'll be gone before you know it. Make the most of that time.

talk about stay at home dads, I found THIS on MSN this afternoon; that is how I feel all stay at home parents should see themselves, you are a very vital asset to those children...

HWW,

I work with a man who recently came back to work after being a SAHD for many years.

Everyone I work with think he has a halo above his head (including me.)

There is even some catty gossip going around about his W putting her career ahead of the family, and disrespecting her H for staying at home (I don't know what the deal is, I don't know him very well and don't partake in gossip... this is what I've heard through the grapevine, however.)

You'd be surprised about what people (adults, as Silentlucidity said) think about SAHDs. And this is from personal experience.

Katie Mae

The issue is moot for the time being. I did not receive an offer. I lost to another candidate who lived in the same area as the employer.

Kids are in camp. Wife hasn't come home for a week. I did see her at our pool-club yesterday, but I just enjoyed myself and ignored her. Before that, she was out of town all week, then spent Friday night at a girl friend's house, and then spent last night with the OM after he returned to town. Not seeing her is at least a reprieve of sorts for the time being. It's like being in Plan B, what a relief.

I talk to the OM's wife almost daily. She seems to enjoy our conversations. I ask her if our conversations help or stress her out. She's just gotten over cancer, so staying stress free is important. She says it helps. I tell her that if venting to me helps relieve anxieties, then I'm always available. I feel so bad for her because her husband has totally abandoned her when she needed someone most.

Be careful about a revenge affair. It would certainly be tempting, and very human, to get back at the OM by messing around with HIS wife.

Just a word of caution.

Stick it out for the kids.

Hi. I'm at the end of two full weeks of no contact with my WW, but come Sunday evening that will surely end. I'm dreading it.

The wife has been either living with the OM when he is in town, or living with a divorced girl friend when my WW is in town. It still hurts.

I've been reading and re-reading all the posts above, thank you. Harsh, but thank you. Honestly, I don't know. I'm working two more situations: one in San Diego and one in Seattle. Don't beat me. I'll let you know if anything comes of these opportunities.

Good friends, family and God; where would I be without them. Oh yes, MB too.

I spoke to the OM's wife again today. We might get together later. She told me how her husband is finally admitting to one of his older daughters that he's in love. He's committed to my wife. It's difficult to see how my marriage can ever be saved. "I feel like my situation is worse than anyone else's with WW".

I like to read other threads, but these boards aren't well organized. It's difficult to search for information within these boards. So, I look for clues in signatures, or links within other posts that take me to threads that inform or maybe hope.

Yea, that's right, hope. While I've boxed up my wife and thrown her out with the trash, I still can't shake the love. It really s*cks.

Not to make light of your sitch, hww - but them thar are some good country music lyrics!

Hang in there.
Mulan

That gave me a good chuckle. I live in MI, but I love country. You're right, them thar are good lyrics! You can use them on your next album Mulan.

Guess I've sung "Tonight I wanna cry" with Keith Urban a few too many times.

I said the same about my sitch. But nearing 2 years since D-day now, and my W and I are enjoying a closeness, like NEVER before......we have LEARNED how to grow love....and it starts from within yourself!

If you haven't read my story (I forget if I have posted to you before) take a look at my journey....I am proud of my survival, after looking squarely into the eyes of the devil, and seeing the depths of Hel l!!!

God Bless
MWIL

I can relate. I understand. It passess and gets better.

The worst is probably yet to come. Please be careful in that time because suicidal thoughts are not uncommon. Just know that they pass.

I spent 6 days in a hospital over my ordeal. I lost my career, my kids, my wife, and moved someplace where I didn't know anyone. I lived off the charity of others.

It was terrible.

But I'm better now and am as involved with my kids as I can be. I am here for them and wouldn't have it any other way.

Please keep that in mind. They will feel abandoned if you leave. Tough it out for them.

MWIL,

I have read your threads. I did get some encouragement from reading your story. Unlike your wife, my wife has never waffled. It blows me away. She's just walked away from me 100%; in just one day.

I still can't get over this: how she could tell me she loved me and make love to me the night before, then the next day, walk away. I had a psych tell me that 'women can do this'; how do you ever trust a woman again?

Wife came to me last night. She said, 'I want to talk. I did not want this to become uncivilized.' I thought for a moment, got up and walked away. As I left I said to her, 'I'm not aware that I've done anything that is uncivilized'. She retorted back, 'Well, I tried.'

Wife can't begin a conversation without an insult.

Remember...how YOU respond wasn't very "civil" either.

If you're wanting to recover at some point, responding the way you did last night wasn't the way. Learning to listen and respond without reacting to her behavior is how you'll get there.

"You wanna be right, or wanna be married?"