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Joined: Nov 2004
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Here is a link I found. I can't post the content here because of copyright infringement. I did email the publishers for permission. I haven't received a reply.

In Sheep's Clothing

This is from a book published in 1997 by George K. Simon. Still available at Amazon and other online places.

This is a summary of the book, an extensive one.

I share this link for any BS or FBS;

for any FWS;

for any who want to partner in their marriage, not parent;

for any who are dismayed or sorrowed right now;

for any who are afraid to post or share.

And my intent is not to blame, declare evil or stop anyone from doing any of these things here on MB. I know I'm not powerful enough to stop this from happening.

My intent is to share knowledge...to know and live from...for we have a long ways to grow ourselves, first.

And I know I have posted in this way before...and ask your help in posting to me when I do...to show me where, under my own radar, I do these in the future. My boundary is not to...and I want to hold to it.

From respect and love,

LA

Joined: May 2006
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LA, I have to thank you fro sharing this with us...

As I was reading I could apply them to my sitch and can see what STBX is doing right now...

Tomorrow, I plan to add it to my favorite to re-read in the near future...as you already know...STBX is covert...

As I have been in the past also...I think that this can go hand in hand with Conflict Avoidance in my case!

With udder most respect for you,

Rin


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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Great point about it going hand in hand with CA. I agree.

Glad you saw it, Rin. Getting clarity, not cures...that's what I'm going for.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

LA

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I want to explore that connection a bit more.

What if our CA urge came partly from this type of response? Not actual conflict...how we expect our partners to react with blocking, diverting, withholding, discounting, etc...and we see The Issue has triggering our fears, when it's really behaviors?

Hmmm.

LA

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LA,

That was an incredibly interesting article...WOW. I know a BS whose XH uses all of these tactics to manipulate her, the children....even the bystanders. The sad thing, is that he is so adept at it, that most people have decided the wife is actually crazy because he seems so "sane". In truth, he is an evil man but few people can recognize how he's spun his affair and the poisoned people against his wife. This lady is a friend of mine, and I was able to see it first hand. Even being right here....it was hard to see through his disguise at first.

I wanted to add a link to a A List of Fallacious Arguments because people with covert aggressive personalities use thes kinds of argments to confuse and manipulate.

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Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am on the wrong side of this still.

Well thought out and articulated.

I see this going on still in my M.

My FWW and I are smack dab in the middle of this now and she has used every one of those tactics.

Diversion followed by victimization are her favorites.

She diverts it to something in the past which brings her A into focus then is the victim when her A is brought up.

Wow!!!

Don't know what good it does me now but interesting.


BS 38
FWW 35
D Day 10/03
Recovery started 11/06
3 boys 12, 8 and a new baby


When life hands you lemons make lemonade then try to find the person life hands vodka and have a party.
Joined: Nov 2004
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Star - Thank you for the link. Helps, too. I figure linking this stuff will help those who choose to buy into warped thinking that a BS is crazy. Still their choice...and their gut goes off with these phrases and they ignore them, I believe. Armed with this knowledge, we'll be able to know what our gut is saying..."That's blocking" and realize we've got the WS's number.

What do you think?

Froggers - Now that you know what's going on...I don't think you'll react as much...first thought..."Well, that's diverting. Okay." Then state, "I hear you diverting from my question." Same for "I hear you feel like a victim each time the A you chose to have comes up in our conversation."

Calm and real...that's what I'm going for...because I truly believe all of these mechanisms are defensive, coming from when we were kids and we did them intentionally...to get another kid (or parent/teacher, someone) stop hurting us by hurting them.

Not in our most adult state. Which is why we trigger right back to kidhood when they are done to us.

And you know you aren't crazy. You weren't. Won't be.

Yahoooo!

LA

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I think that my response was in fact to my fear of his reaction...my expectation... that I was going to get one of these responses...therefore, I would CA...creating a pattern...

A new behavior was born, not only in me but in STBX!


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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OKay, LA, I need some help here...meeing with STBX...comeing out PLan B/D to do this today...I need some pointers...reminders...whatever you ahve to offer...you have been my rock and I need you today...

I'm choosing to take him as a new person today, no expectaions (that's so hard)...


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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LA,

Yes I am and it works. That is exatly what I have been doing but now it is easier to target where she is going.

That was the hardest part. I think this is like buying a whole toolset. Before I tried fixing it with a hammer and a screwdriver when I needed pliers. LOL.

My OS is in IC right now. He is starting down the PA road. When I had my session with the IC he started pointing out to OS how he was PA and I said to my OS he is telling you that you are PA. The IC looked at me and I said it is a learned behavior I am battling with my FWW. He said yes it is learned but he needs to unlearn it.

This will help.


BS 38
FWW 35
D Day 10/03
Recovery started 11/06
3 boys 12, 8 and a new baby


When life hands you lemons make lemonade then try to find the person life hands vodka and have a party.

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