I know this is temporary -- but I am feeling just overwhelmed!
I broke down in tears last night because I had just spent the weekend busting my a$$ and one little project went sour.
I accomplished so much, and yet that one problem just dissolved me.

I'm usually able to deal with pressure and have an easy-going attitude....but when I was on my third trip to Lowe's to finish one stupid project (while covered in gooo...) I just LOST IT.

I sat in the parking lot thinking "I want a husband!".
Just someone to share these projects with. Someone to share responsibility with.

And it made me realize that even though I was married for 20 years -- I've never had a partner before. My X never took care of things around the house. He never did any car-maintenence or home projects. (And he still doesn't -- other than riding around on his riding lawnmower when the grass gets a foot tall....his house is gross.)

This week has just been a killer.
Daughter graduating. 3 baseball games. Car problems on 3 vehicles. Money draining from my bank account faster than I can make it. Work pressures.
And of all the problems I've dealt with...this one stupid little thing just put me over the edge.

Any stress relief tips before I lose it again?

Well, Duh! We all feel that way. And like you, I was a single parent while married.

I want both a wife and a husband for those everyday things that need fixing, 6 hours in the garden working only on blueberries, a wife to do the 6 loads of laundry and actually fold them and put them away. And give the kids all the hugs they need.

I'm totally overwhelmed and I think the end of the school year has alot to do with it. Too many sports and end of year activities/performances to attend. And its always only one of us there. The kids don't expect the other parent to show up, but they do expect their mom to show up. And summer camp costs 4 times as much as year round care, and dad doesnt' pay his share. What a surprise.

Oh, you wanted tips. Sorry, I'm fresh out. And to have a graduation on top. Yikes. And when does this temporary feeling end?

No tips Lex, just a big bear hug ((((((Lexxy)))))

I know what you are going through, it is very hard and very lonely to be a single mom.

Just hang in there any way you can. That's all you can do Lex.

It's worse when they are gone (mine gone for summer and boy do I miss her already, but there were days when she was here... I was tested, oh yes.

((Hug))

I'm there with you. All the ball games, errands, yard work, etc. on top of the everyday chores. Even when things run smoothly, it is tough to be THE ONE responsible for it all. It sucks sometimes, actually.

I don't really have any good advice, when I'm overwhelmed, I just make things worse, by procrastinating and not making good use of the limited time I do have.

Oh, I think we ALL are overwhelmed as single parents, feeling that the weight of everything from groceries, cooking, cleaning, repairs, bills, planning, etc, rests squarely on our shoulders. I completely agree that it can get overwhelming on occasion.

What makes it worse, at least for me, is when I am involved with someone, and I STILL feel like it's all up to me. Ugh, I'd so much rather be alone and bear the entire burden than be with a "supposed" partner who does not really help me out in any tangible way. I know, I know, going on dates, having affection, and all that, that is great.

But somehow, it exemplifies the difference between having a GF and having a spouse, or I should say a spouse who was the "other" parent. I guess for me, I'd rather not have a GF than have a GF who does not help me with the pressures of everyday life. I don't mean that I expect this in a GF of a couple of months, but I think I'd get really frustrated if I dated someone for a year or more, and they still did not help in this sense.

Lexxxy, any chance that this is part of it?

AGG

I'm glad to hear I'm not alone....misery loves company, right?

AGG; Yeah, you're perceptive. BF is tied up for several weeks with a very big project. He's working 6AM to dark every day of the week.

So he's almost non-existant at the moment.

Which leads me to feeling more alone than usual. Plus its increasing my awareness that even though he and I are "together" I am still "alone."

Those responsibilities are mine. Those burdens are mine.
Its MY house, they are MY kids, it is MY car, they are MY bills.

BF (under normal scheduling) would happily help with daily tasks or chores. He'd do a project here or there if I asked him to. But thats the catch, isn't it? Its a FAVOR. He isn't sharing in the planning, deciding, *responsibility* etc.

So like you said, for someone that I've been with for almost 2 years, what would be a reasonable expectation for partnership?

And using my house as an example, how do I let him participate more when I feel all the responsibility? He doesn't live there...

sigh...

Oh, this is sooo true... I felt the same way with some of my GFs, who basically said that I was not letting them help me, because I tried to take on all the responsibility onto myself. And there was probably some truth to it.

It's almost as if by being self sufficient, we do not allow others to really jump in and help, but then we might resent them for not jumping and helping, so it's a catch-22. OTOH, Lexxxy, your comment about having to ask someone to do something makes total sense - I had the same feeling, that if I asked a GF to do something, she would - but it's more of a favor than a normal thing. I guess I hope for a GF who would not need to be asked, who would know what needs to be done, but maybe it's asking too much - after all, it is MY life with MY kids, MY house, MY responsibilites, MY bills, MY projects - and all the GF had was her apartment and no apparent responsibilities.

Anyway, I know I am not helping, just sympathizing.

AGG

My friend has a BF who is the partner we all desire. They take turns doing things at his house, or at her house. And their kids are integrated at events, but very little overnight. And they still have "their" time.
It helps me to see that it is possible to find true love and a good partner match. He even helps me with household stuff sometimes. And my kids adore him too.

So, our matches are out there. And when we date those who don't mesh with our lives, why do we continue? We've all done it.

OMG! I’m usually feeling so confident, like “Look at me! I can do it all! Home improvement, riding lessons, school concert, sew shorts, immaculate bathrooms, gorgeous gardens, neat job…and a boyfriend to boot.”

Yesterday and today, I’ve felt like a complete failure. Some of it definitely feels like the depression funk trying to invade, but I think a lot is just the timing. My dryer gave up the ghost a week ago, and I had to spend two hours picking out a new one, and it doesn’t come until Friday. Thank heavens I have a clothes line, but it’s been raining!!!!

I feel like bawling like Lucille Ball on “I Love Lucy.” I have a list of projects a yard long and not a shot of getting to any of them. Here’s the kicker—I have a BF, but I’m such a stubborn mule I refuse to ask for help. Isn’t that just dumb? From the time I was 1 ½ I used to say “ME DO IT!” I wouldn’t let anyone move my chair or help with anything. I haven’t changed much.

Maybe this is a horrible “growth opportunity” God is tossing my way. Learn to ask for help.

You know, I’ve always thought a quasi-commune would be ideal for single parents. Build smallish houses around a central square with no egress except through one of the homes. In the square have a playground, a gazebo and a big central kitchen. Community dinners one night a week, with people taking turns, plus each family taking turns with babysitting in center square. That way, when you were off, you could clean and cook and go to the grocery store. All sort of Kate and Ally but with lots more.

I know it would never really work, but it would be nice…

Have I mentioned I’m in love with my power drill? There are some things a single mom just can’t live without. J

Talking about it is helping!

My friend with the BF also talks about the commune idea. Perhaps it is for women only because the men don't seem to need it as much.
There's a townhouse community near me nicknamed "Divorce hill". Single guys know it's easy to pick up a date. I should have looked more closely there to avoid the yard work, which is not my strong suit. The old man who built my house must be turning over in his grave as I slowly kill his orchard, the grapevines look dead, the blueberries are down to only 5 rows, and the blackberries and rhubarb are overgrown. On a good note, we found strawberries growing under the blueberries, but they looked wild, so we swept those up with the weeds.

Isn't that funny?
I've thought about that idea too.
The single parent commune -- that might be the next housing development marketing gimmick.

Newly: the idea of trading chores sounds so perfect. My BF isn't a property owner so that doesn't entirely work for me. But he's more than happy to do things for me. I just have to get over feeling indebted for favors.

I'll just share the story that sent me over the edge yesterday.

I decided to seal-coat my driveway. All my neighbors have done it recently, so I had that "keeping up with the jones's" thing in my head. Not to mention a grad open house in the near future....

Talked to a couple -- they hired it done and it cost them $250. I talk to BF and he says "its easy, you like to paint, its not really much different than painting your driveway." I think I'm super-woman so I can surely do it myself and save money. I go to Lowe's and buy my big bucket of goo and the tools. So far, I'm only into it for $25. COOL!

I scrub my driveway to get rid of the oil spots. Wash it down. Get myself a beer, and get started. I start at the top by my garage, and start by slopping the goo and splattering it into the cement INSIDE my garage (NOT the goal). I start spreading it around -- and its NOT as easy as painting! This goo does not go where it is supposed to go. So I get a paintbrush and do all the edges, so I don't have to worry about splashing it where its not supposed to go.

I get through the bucket of goo -- and my driveway is only 1/2 done. So back to Lowe's. Looking really cute I might add, with black goo on my legs, feet and hands!

Get another bucket and drive home. Same process -- painting on around the edges, then smearing it everywhere else. Get through the second bucket -- and I'm still about 3 @#(*$)@#(*$ feet short of the bottom.

Back to Lowe's. Another bucket. Now I'm up to about $50 in materials.

Get home and finish up. (YEAH!) Looks pretty good.
Time to clean up. I'm washing my squeegee with soap and water (according to the instructions....) and the goo is NOT COMING OFF. Not off the squeegee, and NOT OFF MY HANDS.

I clean up the tool as best as I can. Time to hit the bathtub. I figure a good hot soaking in bubbles will help take this stuff off.

Nope.

Call BF. Rant awhile -- "it is NOT easy, and now I'm covered in goo!" He suggests paint thinner.

I go back to the garage, get the paint thinner and a roll of paper towels. Sit on the edge of the tub (which also has black goo stuck on it -- what I was able to scrub off of me while bathing.) I soak the paper towels in paint thinner and scrub. Ruin my pedicure. Ruin my skin. Stink like paint thinner. AND RUIN THE SURFACE OF MY BATHTUB.

So besides the $50 in materials and the $40 pedicure -- I really have no way of knowing my final cost BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I'M GOING TO FIX MY BEAUTIFUL WHIRLPOOL BATHTUB!

And I still have black goo on my feet....

At the risk of being redundant, OMG!!!!

Lexxxy, I'm so glad you shared taht story. My driveway needs to be resealed. It looks terrible. I thought about doing it myself. I hereby swear to put it off until I can afford to pay someone else.

Oh, yes, I still need the electrician to come and now my walkway is destroyed.

Newly, don't worry about the blueberries. Unless you net them, the birds get all the fruit anyway. Raspberries are indestructable. Orchards get old and die. That is not your fault. Besides, you did not buy a farm.

And look on the bright side, the paneling is gone! That's awesome.

Don't do it yourself Green!
As an experienced seal-coater, I have to say LEAVE IT TO THE PROFESSIONALS! (LOL)

As I'm talking to BF on the phone, I kept getting these little comments:
You started at the top of the driveway?? (well, nobody told me different....)
You didn't wear long pants or boots?? (noooo, I wore shorts and flip-flops ALSO RUINED!)
You used paint-thinner on your bath-tub?? (well you told me to use it on my SKIN!)

Basically, he made it sound easy so I did it. Followed whatever instructions were available and still managed to have it go bad.

Certainly none of this is his fault -- but he has all this knowledge that he didn't share with me, so not only do I have all these problems, but they could have been prevented.

I just lost it.

LOL. Life is grand isn't it?

Here's my recent tale of woe.

I have a teenage daughter,as many people do.Well,long story short is: I owe $2,000 total for HER cell phone bill.Yes,that number is right.

How on earth could that happen you might ask? Well, all my discussions on keeping calls relatively quick and not calling long distance etc. apparently fell on deaf ears.All the texting and pictures and talking and this and that really add up.I had absolutely NO clue it could go so high.

Plus,I wasn't too happy with my phone carrier as they were all probably getting a laugh and betting to see just how high the charges could actually go.I don't usually check on my minutes since this was never a problem before.Of course it never dawned on them that something might be very,very wrong and alert me.It's in their best interest to get my money. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

A few "friends" my daughter makes that live far away can make my life miserable.And my ex tries to be sympathetic but will I see a dime of financial support? Nope.

Anyway,sometimes you just have to laugh it's so bad.I told my youngest that I guess if I had to deal with a "challenge" I would much rather deal with this than a cancer diagnosis so,I try to look on the positive side
(there has to be one there somewhere right?).

Hope you are feeling a bit better about things.I am a single parent too and have days where I just want to say "Heeeeelp!!" but,we soldier on. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I know what my DD will be doing this summer....WORKING!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

i can sure relate.
at least when my ex was here, even if our marriage was horrid, i could ask him to run the trash to the dump, or fix a leaky faucet, or something like that, and he would do it. and having that extra income was sure nice even if i never saw any of it. at least i knew certain bills were getting paid.

in most respects, i do very well on my own. i am ok with being on my because the last 3 years or so of my marriage i was on my own. we were not a couple at all in any sense. so i have had plenty of time to get used to it. i can care for the kids, i can care for the yard and like to, i can do most things. BUT, i will admit, i HATE finances and dealing with bills and money. I HATE IT. I would like a partner who took care of that. just gave me a couple hundred a week in mad money and did all the rest. just let me see the bank statements and know what you are doing with our money but other than that, have at it. so i get stressed about bills and don't like being alone when it comes to that.

i don't like it either when the trash needs taking care of. i have NEVER been to the dump in my life. i don't even know where it is. well, i have to go this weekend because i have let it pile up long enough. I HATE THIS. i don't wanna go to the dump. bleck. But, no choice. yes, we have curb pick up but you have to buy stickers and it is almost 2.00 a bag to get it picked up! ridiculous. i am going to break down though and get some stickers and start putting some out once a week so it doesn't pile up so much.

and appliance breakdowns, etc... yeah right. i have no clue what to do. thank god my dad only lives 40 minutes away. he helps me when he can.

and cars? if something is up with my car i freak. i don't know what to do with a car!

so yes i can majorly relate. for the things i mentioned above i don't like being alone. i have to ask for help for those things. it bugs me.

otherwise, i really do just fine on my own and always have,even before marriage. i was quite content on my own. and i am now. don't get me wrong, i am happy to have a bf and be in a finally healthy relationship. but i think the fact that i am so ok with being on my own helped me not to jump into a relationship with just anyone. i was in no rush and took my time.

anyway, i digress...
just wanted to say i do relate.
and being on my own has made me trust a LOT more in god as well. i pray a LOT when things like the above happen since I don't have a clue!

mlhb

Ok, I'm amazed. $2,000 in one month? YIKES!

My DD wanted a cell phone, and the GF gave her one for Christmas. In what world does a 9 YO need a cell phone?

I'm still living under the delusion that when I no longer have to pay for after school care in 2 years, I can afford a car payment. (People have warned me I'm wrong)

Another thing that struck me this weekend was the grocery store!

I was there early Sunday morning and all I saw were COUPLES. Nice older couples handling this chore together.

And I have to say I HATE grocery shopping. It would be so nice to have someone do it with me. I get stressed bagging it all up. I hate lugging it to my car and from car to house. I don't like cleaning out the refrigerator and putting it all away.

and American Beauty: I can relate -- my daughter ran up an $1800 cell bill (on her Dad's business account) which resulted in losing her phone....thankfully I wasn't responsible for that bill! YIKES
In her defense they had a really bad plan with no free nights or weekends, and he didn't set any boundries or limits for her....

Newly,

Actually the total amount was over about 2 months.The billing cycle is such that I couldn't stop the phone use in time to save about another $800 bucks! Anyway,that phone has been disconnected,for now.

Lex,

I used to love when my ex and I would go grocery shopping together.When I look back,I remember we didn't do this much since he was always so busy with work.Work really affected a lot of our life together.

Funny thing is,now that I have allowed my ex a little bit back in to my life just so we can be as a "family" again one in a while,he now wants to help around the house,like paint and stuff.Stuff that I keep looking at and wishing I had a husband to help with.But mostly I'm from the school,if you want something done right,you have to do it yourself.It all just gets tiring after a while no doubt.So much to do.I had to trim the hedges this past weekend and that is one thing I HATE to do.Sometimes I feel like just calling a landscaper to do it all.....

AB - Can I go off topic for a second and ask you a question? With your ex back in your life a little bit and wanting to do DS and FC a bit more, do you ever find yourself thinking about reconciliation?

Or is that totally off your radar?