Why do men get married? I've spoken to several men and done some research on the internet to get an answer to this question, but all I've discovered so far is why men don't want to get married. Women site reasons such as security, having children, a home, etc. Men seem to think that their life is virtually over if they get married. No more hanging out with the guys when they want to, more responsibility, one woman for the rest of their life. One thing that men seem to believe concerns me a bit. They believe that once women are married and have that security blanket that the women will change for the worse. They will start taking their men for granted. If men are correct in their assumptions, then it really does make more sense for men to remain single or just live with a woman. I would appreciate any input on this topic.

I don't think I really asked myself that question prior to my WW's A and although I can't speak for all men, I now realize I got married because my WW was very good at meeting my most important ENs. It is really that simple.


This is most likely a result of a woman who doesn't meet her BF's most important EN's and doesn't understand the negative effects of LB'ing. I can almost guarantee you that a man will not leave a woman who meets his ENs and does not LB. He will not want to loose that womena and will subsequently marry her.


Remember most men's important ENs are Sexual Fulfillment (SF), Recreational Companionship (RC), Physical Attractiveness (PA) and Domestic Support (DS). If you ensure these are met he will NOT look elsewhere. The items you mentioned above (i.e. one woman for life, hanging out with the guys, responsibilty) are all tied into these ENs. I can GAUANTEE you that if a woman meets those needs and limits LB'ing, he will almost NEVER look elsewhere.


Again, look at what is really being stated here. We men don't want our women to change because we like the SF, RC, the PA they provide early in a R. We NEED to FEEL like men and unfortunatly some women don't know how to accomplish this and in fact do things (LB'ers) that make us feel less of MAN. When he feels that way, he will not reciprocate those feelings to his wife.

If you can help your man feel like a MAN he will want to stay with you and most likely marry you.

My wise old mother always says that a man will walk over broken glass to marry the girl he loves, whatever he said in his bachelor days.

I don't know if that's an answer or not.

I got married to spend the rest of my life with what I thought was the most incredible woman in the world! Until the day she left me and now I'm not sure if I'll ever do it again. Not sure if that answered you question or not.

I asked my DH why he got married, and here is his response:

"I like having a companion to share life with...someone to talk to...someone to care for me and whom I can care for. I wanted to marry someone who is challenging intellectually and funny."

With my hubby's first wife, he married her because he thought she had strengths that "covered" his weaknesses. What he discovered is that her personality was 100% the opposite of his and they couldn't get along very well. Plus...his weaknesses were still there. THIS TIME, he worked on his own weaknesses himself, and he chose someone (ME! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />) who's strengths and personality and outlook are similar to his.

Soooooo...we're friends! Plus he's sexy...so we're lovers. Plus I respect him....so he's admired. Hmmmm...sounds like EN's to me!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />



CJ

Probably because life's rewards are so much sweeter when they can be shared with someone you love

My husband feels that if he weren't married that he would be a sex freak and would most likely have std's and stuff

whats the old saying, "Men marry women hoping they never change, and women marry men expecting to change them"?

I would do it all again, despite my current circustance... granted, I'd make so different choices along our 18+ yr path, but I'd do it again.

I married my W (actually WW now) for many reasons, but the deepest and most significant is the love I felt (still feel, God how it hurts tho!) for her. I couldn't imagine ever spending a day away from her.

Aisle, alter, hymn

Do you want a secular or a biblical answer?

This question goes to the heart of WHY marriage was created and ordained by God and how that original intention has been corrupted by sin along with Man and Woman themselves.

My H was on leave before another deployment last year and said to me "you know one very clear evening, we were pretty high up in the mountains, I saw this fantastic moon. It filled the sky or seemed to, actually made it dangerous for us, but just then for that moment I wanted to turn around and share it with you. Just for that one moment."
Sharing, loving and giving because you can. I feel thats why he married me. I'm pretty lucky.

Or what airforcewife said <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Two reasons come to mind - the process of finding out which one is more valid is still ongoing:

1. I fell in love with her and I couldn't imagine life without her.

2. I was an idiot who should have realised what type of person she really was when she cheated on me that first time.

Why do men get married?

So they can be judged unworthy from the start?

Maybe you need to expand your pool of potential IRL responders.

Why do women get married?

"security, having children, a home, etc"

All very honorable reasons.


Why do men get married?

"Men seem to think that their life is virtually over if they get married."

MY life has become so much richer from being married. I may have poisoned areas of it, but it is so much richer.

"No more hanging out with the guys when they want to"

Whenever I have the time or inclination.

"One thing that men seem to believe concerns me a bit. They believe that once women are married and have that security blanket that the women will change for the worse. They will start taking their men for granted."

If you learn ANYTHING from Harley and this website, it's HOW true this can be. But this isn't the MAN's fault is it?

"If men are correct in their assumptions, then it really does make more sense for men to remain single or just live with a woman."

Great assumption.

"I would appreciate any input on this topic."

You've got it. MVHO.

LG

DH said: "FOR THE SEX! DUH!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I think love is why most men get married. Why most marriages fall into the pattern you described Diana, is not meeting emotional needs. Men like a woman to continue to meet their emotional needs in the same way they did before they were married. However, in a marriage that lasts many years or decades people change, their lives grow and evolve. They have a few kids, become focused on a rewarding careers, gain responsibilities etc. What doesn't change in many marriages is the man's focus on meeting HIS needs. Many men allow the responsibilities of dealing with children, maintaining the home, and working full time fall to the woman. In this scenario, the husband is not a partner in the marriage, but another obligation to meet. The husband feels shocked and hurt when his wife comes home too exhausted to pay attention to him or is not interested in sex as much as she used to be. He blames the wife for not fufilling his needs, and may find fufillment elsewhere. Yes the wife was not meeting her husbands emotional needs, but he was not meeting any of hers. That is why some men feel that women change for the worse during the course of marriage, because these men are still only focused on their own needs. It is a viscious cycle. Men that behave this way are not men, but children. A woman cannot make a child feel like a man, not matter how hard she tries. Just my two cents.

I got married because my ex-wife (girlfriend at the time) gave me an ultimatum. She told me either we get married or else we have to break up because she just HAD to get married soon. Like an idiot, I took the bait and married her. I was too insecure to handle the break-up and being alone for awhile. We're divorced now, so that's how that turned out.

This is just my opinion.

Men have a nesting instinct. Well, most men. They test their nesting instinct by going with various women or girls as they, the males, grow and mature. Much of a male instinct to nest is subconscious.

But it is real and it is there.

Males basically get married when their nesting instinct hits them between the eyes hard enough to get their attention and they often marry whoever they happen to be going with at the time. Or, they see someone whose physical aspects trigger their mating instinct. A small waist helps (no kidding, documented by research).

Once kids start, the nesting instinct lasts a certain length of time depending on the male. Then the decline starts for any number of reasons, not the least of which is that the female they married adopts different priorities in her life, mainly the raising of children.

Immature males then pursue their imagined need for strange and there you go. Mature males can figure it out and they are a stable part of the family life. Of course their mate may or may not be mature and once again, there you go.

Males tell themselves all sorts of things as to why they get married. IMHO, it still boils down to the nesting instinct. Yea, and they get married with their eyes closed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Larry

Larry,


Funny. I have always said that women move into a marriage frame of mind when they feel they have met the right man and that men seem to marry whomever is available when the time is right.

Who

I asked a similar question some years back.

Actually, my then husband (WS) told me this "Men only marry for sex". So, I came to MB - General Questions II and asked the membership if they thought men only marry for sex.

I received many answers. But the one that interested me the most was from one very respected long timer who still posts here (I won't name names) where he told me that my husband was indeed correct. Men only marry for sex.

I was somewhat gobsmaked to hear that answer from that poster, because if that was true then any sl_t off the street would do, no?

I still believe that men marry for many reasons, just like women. And sex, much like any other important EN, is just another item on their list of whys.

Jo

ok, I asked DH this question again tonight:

goldwinger59: yes dear
ohmelodylane: do men really just get married for the sex?
goldwinger59: no'
ohmelodylane: what do they get married for?
goldwinger59: it helps though lol
ohmelodylane: lol
goldwinger59: cause they want to be with the other person
ohmelodylane: ok
goldwinger59: and THATS ALL I AM SAYING
ohmelodylane: for the companionship?
goldwinger59: YES