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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 3
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 3 |
I found out last week that my husband has been having an affair with my best friend, the wife of his best friend. He's stopped seeing her and our families no longer associate. They are moving to another town. I've bought "Surviving An Affair" and we're going to begin counseling next week (soonest I could get an appt).
So...Now what? I've told a couple of friends and they all want me to be angry. I'm not. I keep waiting to get really angry and..~raspberry~. So is there something wrong with me? I've lost my best friend because my husband decided to have sex with her and the only thing I feel is sadness. Is something wrong with me?
In Him
Feodorovna
True happiness is something that neither men nor events can take from you. You will find it in Faith, in Hope and in Charity. ~ St. Elizabeth Feodorovna
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 616
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 616 |
I don't think I was angry at first, very, very, sad. Just beside myself to say the least, now, however that I am not sad, or not as sad, I am very bitter and angry. I am working on all the emotions. I think everyone feels the same but different at different times. I am truly sorry for what has happened to you. Are you working on this with a MC? what are the two of you doing to recover from this?
Me-49 and staying there, course AARP sent me my card ugh
H-49
DD and SIL
GS the light of my life! 1 and a half, full of you know what
DS med school
always working on me
•The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. Ghandi
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 3
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 3 |
Soon we will be going to a counselor. I am praying a lot not to become bitter as I do not think that will help the situation at all. Thank you.
True happiness is something that neither men nor events can take from you. You will find it in Faith, in Hope and in Charity. ~ St. Elizabeth Feodorovna
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 241
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 241 |
I was not mad in the beginning either. I was absolutly devestated...physically sick, and could practically not function for the first two weeks. Everyone said that I too was too calm about the whole situation...well I had to maintain some control over myself...I did not have the mental or physical stregnth to fight.
We all go through the stages of grief some of us sooner than others, there is no particular order to the stagess, and unfortunatly we often go back and fourth between the stages. Anger eventually did come to me, and although I am not particulary proud of the way I handled those emotions, I really needed to get them out. I held it in for so long (surpressed) that when it did come out I actually felt some sort of relief.
DDI - November 26, 2006
DDII - May 28, 2007
Married 20 years
3 childre - m/24, m/17, f/12
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 54
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 54 |
My A was from May 04 to Aug 04. Had two d-days in August. I am the FWS. My H goes through times when he is almost unbearable because of his LB's. He is down right "ugly".
I really struggle with this. I told him that I want to plan for the future. He says, he can't do that. He still thinks about the A everyday. He won't go to counseling.
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 487
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 487 |
Anger is part of grieving. Did you grow up with a family that encouraged showing emotions, even, anger, fear sadness? Some don't ever know how to deal with the strong emotions and push them down. If this isn't the case with you, then it might be that you aren't far enough along in your grief, or you skipped over the anger and will revisit it later. Have you considered counseling for just you? Even if he won't go?
Loni
BW (me)46, XH 46, OW 42 (former friend)
DS26, DD23, DS21, SS17, SS27
EA since 2/04? PA?
He filed for divorce 3/8/06.
OW divorce final 3/10/06.
He left 3/13/06, "to think"
Gave me letter from lawyer on 3/17/06.
Divorce final 9/1/2006.
Happily remarried to new H 6/7/08
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