Well, today's my anniversary, but I didn't think of it until just now.

It's really too bad that WH took a really wonderful thing; a thing with such promise...and just tossed it away. Because as awful as WH is now, he was really something special at one point in time. The whole package. I was so in love with him, and felt SO lucky, so blessed!

Ah, well.

Two of my really close friends from work and I went to Mass together yesterday, then out to Panera for lunch. They are both very strong Catholics.

The homily was all about "the precious present." The priest (who is a wonderful storyteller) told a long story about a boy who spent his life seeking some kind of precious present that a wise old man kept telling him about. Finally, in his old age, after the old man died, the "boy" realized that the precious present was NOW.

Living in the NOW.

All three of us have stuff going on in our lives that made this a very, very powerful message. And we heard it together. And we talked about it at length (we sat talking in Panera for four hours...can you imagine how irritated they were!!!). And now we will be able to remind each other at work.

It was a very special day. Unfortunately, I didn't get anything done around the house.

The boys came home, and for the FIRST time, I was not stressed out and anxious. I was just happy to have them back. I didn't ask anything about what they did. When I asked if they had eaten dinner, DS9 did tell me that they went to RT's (who fed them pizza rolls and chicken nuggets). I asked them if they were okay about that and they said yes.

And I was okay, too.

Then I kissed them both, smiled, and asked if they needed something else to eat before they got ready for bed.

Something clicked last night. I hope it stays clicked.

Sis,

As Goddess Mimi says, "Chin Up Chest Out" today girl! It will be rough, but you will make it through




Nothing wrong with not getting anything done around the hosue sometimes! In fact, I KNOW there's some good things somedays when you don't! You spent your time doing what you should have! That housework ain't goin nowhere!



Great feeling, isn't it? I hope it stays clicked for you, too!

{{Sis}}

What an inspirational message! It seems so simple, doesn't it? I remind myself every morning to live in the now. I hope it sticks for you too, Sis.

What johnstwin said



Took me right back to how I felt in Plan B, and still do sometimes now. That's why I remind myself to live in the NOW. I'm not waiting for something then, I'm just living, learning, enjoying.

I've really been practicing "giving it to God." We joked yesterday that we all hoped that God was at each of our houses cleaning, as we sat there sipping lattes.

Living in the moment really does help with the feeling of waiting. I think the anticipation of "something" is anxiety producing. I suppose, however, that it is residual fight or flight...an instinctual reaction that takes some time to subside.

Anyway...it was discovered this morning that DS12's student ID and DS9's boots were still at WH's house. Aggravating to everyone, but I assured them that none of this is the end of the world. Trying to be positive: maybe this is just one of those times when the kinks just need to be worked out and WH'll be more cognizant of these things in the future. And the boys, too.

I have a new saying that I'm committing to memory and will continue to remind myself:
I am under no obligation to make room in my life for people who hurt me.

How's that? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God wasn't at your house cleaning...he was in the NOW sipping lattes with you.

That love and peace? God's work in your life.

God doesn't exist in the guilt of the past or the fear of the future.

I'm so glad you finally got this!

LilSis:

Something in SchoolBus' post popped out at me.

SB says this:



Where is that quote about people who do not read about the past are doomed to repeat it?

Your WH is repeating the mistakes of the past.

LilSis, however, is not.

LilSis came here to MB and learned and learned and learned.

She found out about how her Ms. Perfect lead to all sorts of problems.

And now, she expects GOD to clean the house while she is having Lattes.

I think that Ms Perfect got kicked to the curb on that one, right THERE.

Wow, Sis, you have come so far.

I keep telling you that the road is long. And you don't really realize how far you have traveled.

And then the signpost says: Happiness: 10 miles. And the last sign said, 15 miles, or 30 miles, or 1000 miles.

Your still traveling.

Selling the house isn't about all the RIGHT economic factors. It's about what is right.

The low interest rate.
The quick payoff schedule.
The weak housing market.
Having to payoff WH for his "share"

What is right:

Removing yourself from Memories of WHAT WAS.
Growth in oneself, that this step can happen.
Irretrivably giving notice to WH that you ARE Stronger than he.
A few blocks further away from RT's place of employment.

(and yes, schoolbus, I sorted the lists to make sure about your rule of THREE!)

Sorry about the anniversary. Just so you know, Flamingo and I do not celebrate ours either. That day can become tainted for those who survive all this, and for those who don't. So, you have reason to mourn.

((((LS))))

LG

Congratulations! On not asking, on being okay with what you were told. I also hope it stays clicked. It probably won't, this being a roller coaster and all, but savor it now and hope it imprints. It certainly gets easier.

From now on, I suggest that you think of December 10 as "that great day four days after SDG's birthday."

And, since you asked, I found my birthday to remarkably enjoyable. I celebrated more, felt more love around me, and had a better time than on any birthday in recent memory. I'm sure yours will be similar.

Sheeesh, who is this old fogey whining on your thread Sis?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Hey LS!

I just wanted to let you know how glad I am to see some peace come into your life, even if for a day or two at the time. Soon, they will start really adding up.

So often I've thought of you and prayed for you, like yesterday while driving home from out of town...while you were truly enjoying yourself with your friends. Causes me to ask, were my prayers answered or do I just worry too much! LOL!!! I have a feeling it was a little of both.

I have to agree with Bugs regarding your xH. I stated before that he is in a honeymoon phase right now. And if he could just get you on board with his plan, then this honeymoon would be perfect. It's still about him and what will make him happy...you being friendly and convenient = him not being the bad guy or what he did wasn't such a bad thing.

You keep doing what is best for you and your recovery...what he needs/wants really isn't your problem.

I hope that sense of peace stays with you!

Ahh . . . some needles from the Brambly One. You said June, right?

Oh! its YOU sdguy..sorry didn't recognize you under those wrinkles...

I turn *29* in June!

I have a great retort for you, BR, but I'm late for my physical therapy session. All these aches and pains bothering me. . . .

Thanks, ruby! Wow...if they started adding up...I could get used to that.

LG: Two months ago, I would have said no way no how to moving. Now, I would say there might be some validity in it. But for my sanity, I might seriously consider it. Moving under the best of circumstances is a b!tch. I have no desire to bring additional stressors into my life.

MY terms. When I'M ready. When it's good for ME. MY choice. And the emotional impact that it may or may not have on WH will not be a consideration.

As for 40...I won't mind it actually. I'll wear it like a badge of pride. Partly because I believe that my 40s will be a much happier, more fulfilling decade than my 30s have been. Partly because I don't look 40. Partly because I'm sure I will do something fun with friends.

I hope it imprints, too....the clicking thing.

Sis,

Keep on clicking along!!

{{sis}}

I'm just stopping by now and then these days, but I have to chime in and say you are really coming along nicely Sis...The above quote shows just how far you have come. You faced a major fear and handled well. Months ago, I remember you expressing how you didn't know if you could handle the boys being around RT. Well, seems to me you are handling yourself with dignity and grace and moving along quite nicely. Just think about how much you have grown..several months ago you didn't think you could make it through... but you have accepted what "is" in the present and you are doing the best you can every day. IMHO your story is one every newbie should read. Your personal recovery has been amazing.

Keep up the great work..I am glad to see that you are doing well.

((Sis))

EEEK! I've been on MB for a year...!!!

I've been repeating to myself:
Precious present.
Precious present.

The priest told this story during his homily on Sunday. I copied and pasted this final point of the story from elsewhere, so don't think I'm shouting:
THE PRESENT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WISHING…. WHEN YOU HAVE THE PRESENT YOU WILL BE PERFECTLY CONTENT TO BE WHERE YOU ARE…. THE RICHNESS OF THE PRESENT COMES FROM ITS OWN SOURCE…. THE PRESENT IS NOT SOMETHING THAT SOMEONE GIVES YOU…. IT IS SOMETHING THAT YOU GIVE TO YOURSELF. . . .

AH, I remember when I hit my year mark here...it was a celebration of all the wonderful people I had met and the awesome support that I recieved...

That's something that I truely love about myself, the ability to flip a sitch and look at the positive, make new memories, and keep trucking on...

So many of us here are TRUE survivors, just like you! MB=evolution in the making...You get to see it EVERYDAY if you look hard enough!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

^^bump^^

LilSis, you didn't fall in a snowbank did you??

Sis,

About living in the "now"......

My youngest daughter has a song she wrote about that. It says we should breathe it in and breathe it out, and know we are alive.......

Because when we stop to take the breath, we focus on the now. To breathe in our lives, to take it into ourselves.

She says that we really don't have yesterday - we have already lived it, made our mistakes or our triumphs. They are gone, just memories, and memories fade and change, or are just gone..........

We don't have tomorrow either - it isn't here yet, we cannot count on it, it's a gift that we are given and not a promise. We can plan and hope for it, but it isn't certain.

We have now, today.

But somehow, we let today go by too often. We rush through it, looking back at yesterday's mistakes and pains, or looking to what we accomplished and basking in that. Or we rush through today trying to get ready for something we need to do tomorrow, planning for it, hurrying along so we can have everything in place for the next thing down the line. And we lose today in the process. We fail to see the beauty of today:

The smiles on our children's faces, the frost from our breath in the cold air, the way the snowflakes are drifting down in a delicate dance.

She says we miss too much, every "today", every "now".

Breathe it in, breathe it out, and know you're alive.


The song is pretty nice.

I think she knows much more than her 23 years.

More than I knew, then.

SB

SB: Probably has something to do with the fact that she has such a wise mother...who maybe, just maybe, instilled some very important values and lessons along the way...

I know that song.

No, I did not fall off a snow bank. I have been so busy...Christmas concerts, work obligations, community service, decorating, shopping, cookie baking...

I skipped Christmas cards this year. I used to put so much effort into creating these really crafty, personal cards.

The boys and I went out to cut down our tree on Saturday (before all the snow fell). I sawed it down, carried it to the check-out place, got it in the Vibe, and set it up all by myself.

In years past, when we did this as a family of four, this little tradition seemed to have this special significance...a family thing. This time, it felt rather like an accomplishment...just this "I did it, dammit" quality. I got frustrated at one point when I didn't seem to be making progress in sawing the tree, and my knees were frozen from kneeling in the snow.

I wasn't living so much in the present at that particular moment. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I think the boys enjoyed it, however, and that's the important thing.

DS9's Christmas concert was last week, too. I managed to avoid WH. After the concert, everyone was gathering in the lobby area of the auditorium to retrieve their children. I found DS9 first and was hugging and congratulating him. I glanced over and saw WH through the crowd, talking to DS12. A few moments later, DS12 came over and asked if I was going out to the car.

I was...I didn't want to risk contact with WH. So I went out to the car, started it to warm it up, and just cried. The boys and my mom (who came for the concert) returned to the car much more quickly than I expected, and busted me with tears streaming down my face.

Both boys gave me big hugs. Then we went off to home and big mugs of hot chocolate and reflect on the concert.

I am signing them up for CCD tonight. Because WH is not Catholic (he was raised in the Calvinist tradition...lotta good that did him), they have not had any religious ed, and can't take communion when we go to Mass. I talked to the religious ed guy at church last week and he's very excited to get them in the program and get them their sacraments.