I am moving a post I made in "Just found out" to plan A.

Original Post Link

Here is a brief summary:
Wife of 5 years is having an EA, but refuses to stop talking with the OM on the grounds that she needs to know if she really "loves" him first. My WS has agreed to work on our problems meeting each others EMs, and we have been reading through the basics together. So far this has been wonderful, but I know if she doesn't stop talking to the OM that he will poison all the gains we have made.

lake53 has talked to me about exposure targets. Here is a summary of the OM's relevant information:
He is in the military, did a tour in Iraq, and is being redeployed in October, I believe. He is unmarried, has no kids, works as a waiter, and lives with a male roomate. He is also an alcoholic and seems, from what my wife told me, is suffering from PTSD. (These are facts and not just my anger coming out.) I am not sure what an exposure target would be in his case.

My WS's possible exposure targets are my in laws with whom I have a very, very close relationship especially with my brother in law who is a close friend. Although, I am very hesitant about using these exposure targets.

My WS is on tour and is not located near either me or the OM. A majority of their relationship has been via phone. She is coming to see me in a week, and I think I can get her to stop talking to the OM and focus on us from now to the time she goes back on tour from her visit. The question I posed to lake53 was if this is a good course of action?

Thank God and thank you all. I would have been lost had I not found this site.

ter,
I would encourage you to post over in infidelity, general questions. You are really at the beginning stage of discovery and could use help from the veteran posters that stick mainly to that forum.

My biggest concern is that your wife is telling you that she needs to see him to find out if she truly loves him. This makes it clear that she is in a huge fog. Exposure is done to help the Wayward see the A or EA for what it really is, rather than for what they see through their fog eyes and brain. Exposure is done so that people who really care about the two of you and care about your M can help the wayward. It sounds as though you have some people that could really support her and you through this.

Consider posting on general questions and keep in mind that the weekend is rather inactive on these boards. It worries me a lot about her statement re "love". I think you should go ahead and expose this right now to her family. You can do it in a way that supports her and your understanding of the difficulity with being overseas. They sound like the kind of people who could help pull her out of this before she gets to deep into the fog.
Lake

ITD,

My H had a long distance EA...never met the woman in person but it was nearly as damaging as if they had shared the physical intimacy they intermingled emotionally.

I agree with Lake that you should repost on the GQII board. While you're waiting for responses over the slow weekend, read everything you can on this web site and order all the books you don't have.

Reading posts on similar threads will be helpful, too. Ask questions and respond to your posters so they will keep helping you.

Today is my 1st anniversary from D-Day #1 but since I've only been on MB for 5 months, I'm too new to really know how to help you. Others will, but it's best to be on GQII.

Best wishes,

Ace

Thank you for the kind response Ace. Here is a link to the new thread in GQII.

New Thread

I have been reading all the stuff on MB.com, but I should probably order all the books as well. Good advice.