My wife of about 28 years and I will be separating for an unknown amount of time. She will be staying with her daughter (my step daughter) to try and find herself. These past two years have been really ****** for me. There is no sex, a lot of lying on her part, much critizm on her part. I am no angel and I have tried to meet her needs but now all I want to do is file for divorce as soon as I get home. I badly need peace in my home (and I will have when the wife is 2000 miles away). My wife has problems with depresion. At times I feel I need to hang on to the marriage (I don't think she is inclined towards divorce but assumptions can be wrong). The wife micro manages and is already telling me what to do around the house. I haved been keeping my mouth shut.

I don't know what to do. I know I need legal advice, find some support people, and make my own life. I hate uncertainity but I am going to have have that for a while.

Anybody out there have any suggestions?

No body has any ideas????

Have you read the books and articles from this site? I would suggest reading about Emotional Needs and Love Busters first - it sounds like this is where your issues lie.

Tabby- I am somewhat familiar with Love Busters and emotional needs. But humans are not machines. When people know exactly what their emotional needs are and the other person refuses to meet them then what??? I know I have done a lot of love busters but so has my wife. Maybe by giving her space she can figure out how to meet my needs. My problem is I hate uncertainty.

Read everything. Start with one EN/LB at a time and do everything you can to meet them, regardless of what her response is. Recognize that you won't fix the problem overnight - it took a long time to get to where you are now and it will take time to go back. Uncertainty sucks because you lack control. But reading this material and following the advise is a form of exercising some control over your situation. It will take time for the uncertainty to go away but focus on the fact that you are doing something about it.

Are you trying to apply MB concepts to your marriage?
Have you introduced your W to MB?
Are you just winging it all by yourself?

They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks. That's a crock!


Don't become 'somewhat familiar', understand these concepts inside and out. They are key concepts to a healthy marriage. They work. Don't be so quick to dismiss them. They were conceived by the founders of this website who happen to know a thing or two about saving marriages. There are no easy answers here. You have to do the work.

Introduce your W to the MB and it's marriage building concepts. Even if she doesn't post she can at least read. If she doesn't have a computer, print off the articles, concepts and postings and send them to her.

What is your marriage building plan that you hope to carry out from 2000 miles away from your wife?

Bal--Honestly I am burnt out. I have gone so long with out many of my needs not being fulfilled I am not sure I want this marriage to continue. I can honestly say I have filled much more of my wife's EN with out getting mine met.

I am 60 years old and I am having a hard time seeing what remains of my life staying in this situation. I am in Alaska at this time my wife will be staying with her daughter. I will be going my home in Kansas.

For years my wife has been depressed, sexually inhibited, very critical, untrustworthy. When I have had personal crises she was no where to be found. It is my fault I have tolerated this and I will tolerate it no longer. I am a good person and I deserve better.