I'm thinking of moving into Plan B if only for my own sanity. My Plan A has not been stellar. I exposed the A but he still moved in with OW so I can't really make "home" a nice place for him to be. I've done a pretty good job at taking over the house myself and I look pretty good since I lost all that weight on the infidelity diet. But I have had a few breakdowns in front of him and given that I also had to take in my mom and I'm now looking after her - I'm not really socializing and I'm having emotional and stress issues related to that. In other words, I don't think my Plan A has had any effect and given that we rarely see each other now, I think my time has run out.

The one exception to this is that we play in the same baseball league once a week. He is planning to use that as a way to hurt me some more by bringing OW to the games. So far, we don't speak to each other at the games but I do plan on throwing a royal tantrum if she appears. And there are only 6 more weeks left anyway. Other than this and perhaps the odd bill payment that's not quite sorted out, there is no need for contact. And I can find alternative ways to handle the bill communication if necessary.

So, can I move to Plan B? Mentally, I think I'm ready for NC. Every time we talk I end up upset (he doesn't always know this but it's true). I'm better off emotionally if I don't contact him at all for a while. Do I have to write a Plan B letter or can I just start it? How long do I stay in Plan B and how do I know when I can end the silence? I want to have my strategy well thought out before I implement it - I think this is where I went wrong in Plan A since I was just winging it and in an emotional state to boot. Any advice?

Read up on plan B 1st. Find out about it in the SAA book.

Your mind and heart must be in sync and you should have a clear mind and a calm heart.

So if the OW is at the games, what exposure have you done there? Do the teams know? If it is too hard, can you quit?

L.

Tabby, You don't have any control over your H's actions. If he is inconsiderate enough to bring her to the games, you can't change that.

Throwing a tantrum is not the answer, it just makes you look crazy and reinforces in his mind why he is not with you. Plus, if it is witnessed by others, not helpful to you.

Ignore her.

You can ignore H as well or be friendly, which would be more in line with Plan A.

Play softball to the best of your ability under the circumstances.

I've been to dozens of social outings attended by the FOW (still a co-worker of H's, in different buildings), we were even in the same family support group while our Hs deployed (that was years after the A was over). I've perhaps spoken 10 words to her in 8 years. I look right through her.

Yes everyone in the league knows. Exposure didn't have any effect, though most people symathize with me. She does have a friend (who also plays in the league) who actually helped them out by giving them furniture and dishes. Another one let them stay at her place while they were looking for an apartment. They are very public about it and he even put her on his life insurance as his common law wife (they have only been living together 2 months - only 6 weeks with an actual address). It doesn't appear as though society around here cares about infidelity. His work didn't care either.

I don't want to quit baseball since it is the only social outlet I have given that I look after my mom full time when I'm not at work and it's the only day my son can be there to relieve me. Most people there are very supportive to me and I know that if there were to be a confrontation between me and WH/OW, they would look worse than me even if I did most of the screaming.

The clear mind and calm heart is what I'm trying to achieve here. My Plan A sucked because I was in such turmoil I could hardly function. Meanwhile, the window of opportunity closed (he left home 3 weeks after he asked for a divorce). I want my Plan B to be clearly mapped out so that if I should have a breakdown along the way, I have instructions to follow.