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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 10 |
I have some issues with my WH and his withdrawal. He has not had contact with the OW for about 5 weeks now. Why does it seem like he is getting worse? I know part of it is my anger and I have worked VERY hard on it this week. Part of his issue is drinking. I believe he has developed a pretty serious drinking problem. He has cut back substatially, but still when he does he becomes even more doom and gloom and poor me attitude. I don't know how to react positively or what to do when he gets this way. I don't want him to drink right now, and its just another issue for him to blame me for. I can't drink because of you attitude!!
About the withdrawal. I've heard it said that it can last up to 6 months. That really depresses me. Can it be quicker? Or am I fooling myself? I'm sure it all depends on him!!!! Like everything else!! For now he is either working in town or I am going with him on his business trips to the city where his A took place. He does not work w/the OW, but when I am there with him, it makes me crazy. But I don't know what else to do for the mean time. I can do this now b/c the kids are on summer break and they can go to grandma's, but he turns that around on me as well. Saying that he came back for the kids and I am shipping them off. Is this the right decision? I just feel like I am babysitting him!
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
NZJ, it sounds to me like you are babysitting him. It sounds like you are his mother. For example: I don't want him to drink right now, and its just another issue for him to blame me for. I can't drink because of you attitude!! What happens when he does drink? What is your response? Are you using Marriage Builders principles in your marriage, ie: avoiding lovebusters and trying to meet each others needs? Is he an alcoholic?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 7,093
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 7,093 |
If I were you I would get the kids back pronto, and start doing some fun, summer, family activities.
And when I were not doing that I would be cooking fab meals, gardening, reading wonderful books and sharing my joy with my husband.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
NZ, I just read your other thread and now I remember you now! Are you lovebusting him? Has Steve H spoken to you about lovebusters?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 7,093
Member
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Member
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 7,093 |
I can do this now b/c the kids are on summer break and they can go to grandma's, but he turns that around on me as well. Saying that he came back for the kids and I am shipping them off. Is this the right decision? This sounds like a love buster to me. Is this what SH suggested? So you could go with him for work? I would think that harping on someones drinking would be a love buster, unless it is a boundary of yours because of alcoholism eg.will not live with him while he is drinking. I could be wrong, but that is what I am getting.'' The reason I suggest bringing the kids back home is because it would take the focus off of your anger and put some happy, loving sounds and feelings back into the dynamic. Kids have a way of not allowing us to be depressed, as does family activities.
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 10 |
Melodylane
I do know what lovebusting is and i probably am doing it. I am just in so much pain right now. This is all pretty fresh. Is there anyway I can contact you privately. I am new at this and really don't know what I am doing. You just seem so knowlegeable!
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 79
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 79 |
NZJ,
You do realize that change doesn't happen overnight. Yes, a lot of it will have to be initiated by your H (he has to recognize there is a problem, as well as want to help himself), but he can't do it alone. You will both have to work out a way or a combination of different things to help get him out of his funk...and make you stronger and more resilient so you can deal with this sitch better.
Hang in there, okay?
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