My wife and I have been married 6 years. Like how life goes we have been through tough times and great times. We really havent had marriage issues per se. At times there has been things that we needed to work through and we did. We have been through some tough family and health issues as well together...and grew together from it I thought.

I recently found out my wife came in contact with a old friend she had known before marriage and one thing lead to another and she had a one night stand with him.

She immediately knew she was wrong from what she told me and even ended up at her mothers house that same night confessing what she had done. She told me the next day

She's ended up moving in with her mother while things are decided. She wants to try and work things out. She tells me she knows what she has done is wrong, immoral, damaging to me, and something she knows I may never forgive her for.

She wants no further contact with this guy and claims she is willing to do what is needed to try and work things out. counseling, talking through it, taking the time and effort to earn my trust back, etc

obviously Im hurt, mad, feeling betrayed, wanting answers to questions that will take much time to get answers for etc..

I dont know how im going to feel months or years from now. I have no idea how I would deal with the fact of what she did. time will tell. Its been too soon for me to possibly know at this point

However, I can honestly say at this point I still care about my wife. even with what has happened - I dont have it in my heart at this moment to just say "****** it" and not try and see if things can be repaired. She tells me she knows she basically ****** every thing up and if I dont even want to talk to her again she knows it was her that screwed this thing.

I know there are no guarantees. I know things may not work out.

We have no kids and I know that I havent been perfect in this marriage thing either (never cheated or anything like that though) yet I know that is no excuse for what she did and I cant blame myself for her action...and dont

has anyone gone through something like this? Did you work things out? Some people tell me Im wasting my time and some tell me that if you both really...really want to work things out that in time...it may happen. Im feeling I have to go with my gut on this. We've invested so much in a life together that I think its at least worth it to see what can be done

I have been through this 4 years ago with my husband and we worked things out. He had a drunken 1 night stand (well there was no sex but that was only because I walked in on them at the ultimate moment) Since that night neither of us has spoken to her and I have forgiven him (even though I have to see her at work occasionally) but cannot forget that image, and dont thnk I ever will. Yur wife appears sorry, and I must say that our marriage was stronger after that and has been great for a few years - that was until a few months ago (see my post, yes he has been seeing someone else)

However, she does sound genuine and my motto is that everyone deserves a second chance if they understand and can see that she was in the wrong and how much she has hurt you.

I know what you are going through and its horrible and no-one can give you the answers butif you can talk abd let each other know your feelings etc... then maybe you can begin to be happy again. I really hope things work out for you. Let me know how ir goes and we are all thinking of you, after all everyone here can relate to what yu are going through. Good luck X

TexasCrush - Yes, just about everyone here has gone through, or are recovering their marriage, from what you have unfortunately experienced.

No, there are no "guarantees" that your marriage can recover. Some have tried, but without BOTH spouses really working at it, some have ended in divorce. But the majority HAVE been successful, or in the process of a successful recovery.

Some have been only Emotional Affairs, and some have been Physical Affairs. Some have been ONS (One Night Stands), some have been a result of Sex Addiction, and some have been very emotionally and physically involved affairs.

My wife's affair was the latter. 6 continuous years, very involved, a divorce from me and marriage to her OM (Other Man) planned. We are now Recovered and very much in love with each other.

So the question is, as it always is, what do YOU as the one who was betrayed, want to do?

Recovery is not for the faint of heart. It is NOT easy, but it IS "doable." This site, and the folks who will post to you, WILL give you the "roadmap" and the tools that will be most likely to result in successful recovery AND "affair proof" your marriage from future temptations. But no one can "make you do" what is needed. That is a decision that you, first, and your wife, second, need to make and COMMIT to. No "half-hearted" "well I will try it and see if I like it." You WON'T like it until much later down the road.

So do you want to remain married, or do you want to divorce and go your separate ways?

Think carefully. Search your heart. Reflect upon your own wedding vows. Evaluate your faith if you are a believer. Choose which "tough" choice you want to make, because neither is "easy."

God bless.

Hi TC,



Yes, it's possible to rebuild your M. Like Foreverhers said, it's not easy and you both must work very hard at it.

Your "feelings" will change from day to day... but let me ask you this... What is your commitment to the M? If you and your W are both comitted to rebuilding your M and are willing to put forth the effort of working through all of this, then I would say that you have a VERY good chance of making it.

From what you've told us, it sounds like your W is willing to work with you... The choice is yours.

Semper Fi,
RIF

Wow; this story sounds so familiar. My WH had a 'one-night fling' with is high school sweetheart about a year ago. He, unlike your wife, was not so open and honest about it and it would have continued had I not looked at his cell phone. In my case, the sex stopped immediately while the text-messaging and phone calls continued for 2 months!

The good news - yes, you can recover from it all, forgive and go forward with your marriage. The first 6 months were tough on both of us. But we communicated, made new vows, and promised to never, ever allow some fleeting emotions to overtake either of our heads again. We value each other and our marriage more than we ever did and he is able to tell me anything at anytime; knowing I will listen without any fear of blame, judgement and such. I hear from others who are having great difficulty in trusting again. And though I don't know if I will ever trust him 100% again, I do trust him at least 95% and seldom think of the affair.

Your WW sounds very remorseful and she was honest and came to you when it took place. She did not have a plan to handle her emotions when and/if she ever felt such attraction to another. She now knows she is vulnerable to an affair, as is anyone and I doubt she will ever make such a bad choice in the future. You are hurt and healing from that right now. But, I believe, this is the time when you two should be together; not apart - she needs to hear how you feel; you need to get it out. You will have good days and bad days, but if you love her enough to forgive her this one time, your future together can be wonderful. I am glad I decided to stay with my FWH. Our love is much stronger than one infidelity.

So...it is your choice now. Are you able to forgive her; not forget, but forgive? If you were the one who cheated, would you want her to forgive you? And believe, it could have happened as we all, at times, get a bit emotionally attached to someone else. Let us know how you are and what you decide. We will support you either way.

TC,

There is a way through this mess.

You two can recover your marriage.

But recovery isn't for sissies.

It is very hard work, and it hurts, and you get tired, and you cry. But in the end, yes, you can have a happy marriage.

A very long time ago, my husband had a ONS. This was about 28 years or so ago. I don't recall all the details now. I know it hurt at the time. That we worked it out.

That I was really, really pi%%ed off, so much so that I threated to beat up the OW, and I also did some damage to our VW minibus........oh well. The ultimate end is that we are still together.

But he has had another affair recently. So there is that. There was 28 years in between, of a very good marriage. I think he lost his mind in alcohol, mid-life crisis, and just us failing to do what we should have done to keep ourselves tied together correctly.

But you have an opportunity, TC.

You have the opportunity to read now, to make the repairs now, and you have a repentant wife. Together, if you do it right, you can make the changes today and into the future that will make a marriage that you will be proud of.

And no, you won't forget.

But what happens is that each day, some of the pain will fade, and loving memories will take its place.

And a few details fall away, and you forgive a little every day.

Until ultimately, you are once again in the day-to-day living you crave.

Right now, you are hurting.

Let her come home if you want to rebuild. Try to rebuild what you know can be right, and let her love you the way you know it can be.

Because if that is what you want, don't let your pride waste your time together. She can be your greatest strength in fixing your heart, and your greatest asset by your side, because she is repentant, and wants to support you - so let her.

Take the risk. I found that it is worth it. Both times.

SB

TexasCrush,

Am sorry you had to go through that experience after 6 years of M. I guess it's a good thing you don't have kids...sometimes it gets more sticky when they are in the middle of something like this.

It sounds like your W has been feeling forlorn about the whole situation, and understandably on your end, the hurt just keeps coming in waves.

Depending on you both, and your gargantuan efforts to keep the M going, the road to recovery may not present itself for a long time...so you have to be prepared for that... and the possibility that you guys may not wind up together anymore (if it's that difficult for you to get over her indiscretion).

No one said is was going to be easy, and as many of the posters here have mentioned, it has to be a joint effort or it just won't work at all.

Lots of luck to you both.