I am new here to these forums but I need some advice and do not know where to turn.

I currently got married about 3 months ago. My husband and I have a two year old child together. He recently got out of prison about 6 months ago, but I have been waiting around for him because he really is a good person just got caught with the wrong crowd.

Well about a month ago he tells me he got fired from his job. I currently live in another state from him while he is waiting for an interstate transfer to go through. But in the meantime he tells me that he is moving in with this other woman who told me on the phone she was gay. She said she was just helping him out since him and his family were not on speaking terms.

It was a month and we were not really talking on the phone and he no longer called to talk to his son. I was concerned he was having an affair the whole time but he swore nothing was going on with her.

Well a week ago I get this phone call and he tells me that he was moving to his moms house. So I was ecstatic he was leaving her house. But that is when he told me everything. He told me he was sorry about everything and that this other woman may have just been a friend with benefits that I always had his heart. I asked him why he left and he told me that she was divorced but still had her ex husband involved in her life. He claimed she was not his wife. So he started calling me 5 times a day which was highly unusual for him and telling me every day how sorry he was.

I told him my worst fear was that she was going to tell him she was pregnant because she was extremely upset that he was leaving her. Well my worst fear came true. He quit calling so I grew concerned and when I called the family they told me that honestly they thought he had went back with her.

He did contact me again and told me he did not know what to do anymore now that she was pregnant, but he had doubts whether it was his or not.

I am so hurt because I went through my sons birth and all his first words and appointments by myself because he was in prison. And I am concerned that he is going to try to make it up with this child and this other woman. Although he claimed he did not love her and that he made a terrible mistake.

Please give me some words of encouragement on what actions I can take. I love my husband with all my heart and have been there for him always. He claimed he had everything with me and lost it all because he was stupid. But now this other woman is trying to give him all of this back so he will stay with her and her two children from a previous marriage.

Please think long and hard before you decide to continue this marriage and put your son through the horror of the life ahead of you if the OW is pregnant. Your H already has missed so much and to then have an A on top of that is just too much. Please read the stories here in this forum, it is not an easy road dealing with a pregnant OW. Keep posting, we are here for you.

I just spoke with my husbands sister and she told me that he has been spending time at one of his boys houses. He told her that he needed some alone time. I am scared and do not know what to do right now. A part of me tells me to move on with someone that can treat me with respect, and at the same time I still want to work it out with him. I love my son with all my heart and I am trying to see what would be best for his future, but it is hard. What I do not understand is that if he really did want to move on from the ow then why does he need time to think about what he is going to do. He already has two other kids with another woman whom I adore so much like they were my very own. But at the same time I wonder what those kids are going to feel when they find out what thier dad has been doing to thier step-mom. One day I am ready to move on and get away from everything then he pops back into my life telling me everything that I want to hear...it was a mistake I love my wife and my son, I want to be a family, I am sorry, and then cry on top of that. I knew he was terribly sorry for everything, but he tells me now she thinks she is pregnant but he swears he never slept with her till July 8th our last arguement on the phone. But what is really sad is that this other woman was trying to give me advice on how to make my marriage work and at the same time telling me to leave him. I am just so hurt and confused right now and when I want the support from my husband through all of this he leaves again to deal with it on his own.

I would divorce him, pronto. It DOES sound like you have always been there for him. You need someone who is THERE for you.

I suggest you get some counseling. You say he is a good man who just got with the wrong crowd - what I see is someone who went to prison, someone who is now cheating - after you waited for him, someone who is abandoning his son, someone who has kids ALL OVER THE PLACE, and someone who will continue down this same path. You can't save him from himself.

When I spoke with him a week ago on the phone I asked him why the sudden change of heart to want his marriage, and he told me that he was finally thinking clearly. You see he went to prison for drugs. And got hooked up with the same friends again including this ow who is friends with the source of the drugs. He told me if he stayed he only saw himself back in prison. I had convinced his parole officer to be more involved in his life and daily activities. I later found out that they were never drug testing him to begin with. His parole officer then sent him to do classes at a drug rehabiltation clinic, but it is out patient. He claimed he was loving being sober and that he was thinking all the time and that made him realize how much he was losing out on again but chosing the drugs over his wife and son. Then when he has his priorities in check she pops up and tells him that even though he left her she was now pregnant. She currently has two children with her previous husband. My h said that if she had ever got pregnant she would probably abort the baby because she could barely take care of her other two. But now she is wanting to keep this child in hopes of getting my H to move back in with her. My life has been an emotional roller coaster. When things were good between us something would come up and knock up back down. We were so happy to finally get married and get our lives back on track, but he felt like he needed to get involved in the drug activity again. Now he claims he has opened his eyes and can see clearly now, but at the same time should I continue to be there for him when he clearly can not be there for me and our son right now. I hate to just get a divorce when we have only been married less then a year and have a 2yoa son together. I am a firm believer in waying out all options first. I really believe he needs to move as far away as possible but at the same time he can not leave because of parole.

Think about your well-being and that of your son. The only way for this marriage to work, even conceivably, if for him to stay sober AND leave the OW. He can't go on crying his guts out to you daily while staying with the OW...it's not fair to you.

You and your son deserve much better. Hope you realize that sooner than later.

this sounds like the guy my dd was involved with. he had 2 kids at 18 which je never saw. got my dd preg at 19 then became abusive. went to prison and wrote her daily that his love was true and he had found Jesus. the day he was released from jail he married another woman. he went back to jail and wrote my dd almost daily again professing his love for her.

someone else said it, you were always ther for him,, it's about time you find someone that will be there for YOU and your CHILD. some IC would be greatly helpful to you.

he is a loser and you deserve better

Okay.. Well take a deep breath.. This is a very tramatic situation for you and your little one... first off is that fact that u live in another state and he just got out of prison so honestly this is what happens to a guy that gets out of prison their horomones are krazy because its the first time they have seen a woman in ages.. so the first thing they are really thinking of is.. well u know.. anyways thats something that i have come to understand with my previous relationship (long term of 3 years).. so know that its not that he doesnt care about you or your little one its just that he doesnt know how to be without you around now that hes out.. hes kinda alone which made him reach out to the only woman that was around.. i would forgive him for that.. but i would talk to him and tell him, "you need to understand that this family needs you here in our lives we have been without you for so long our child needs you.. im not saying abandon this other woman's child (if its yours) but we are a team thats what marriage is.. its something you must be involved in.. we need you in our lives isnt that why you married me? to be with me? to be with your child? dont abandon us because some other woman is pregnant..." Thats my advice... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> i know if that happend to me with my children i wouldnt want my hunny leaving me just because he got some other woman pregnant and the only reason he would ever is because he would have to have strong feelings for that other person.. and no longer those for me and our children.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> ahhh i dont know really i would go and see him with my children to talk to him in person.. thats the honest truth if i was in ur situation...i have two children with my hunny now.. we are not married yet.. and i know if we finally got married after the last three years we have been together and in your situation i would fight for him and be with him in his time of need i would fly or drive to where ever he was to be the one he can lean on.. to be there for him like i (and you) have always been. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I will give you the cliffnotes version of my story because it is so similar to yours. My xH has had a history of drug and alcohol problems since he was about 13. The family he comes from is about as low as you can get. I knew this, but love is blind. For six years I put up with just about everything you can imagine. Out of the six years we were married, we spent half of them seperated. But I tried to stick it out because we have 3 children together. I found out about the OW when I was pregnant with our third child. He was also with her because of a drug connection. Her father is a coke dealer and he could sustain his habit for free. He left me and my kids for drugs. I was devistated. To make it worse he kept going back and forth between us. He took both me and the OW for all he could. She quickly became pregnant in an effort to get ahold on him (she has since admitted this to me). I finally threw all his stuff out of our house and got my nose broke for the effort. But it was well worth it. I put him in jail for 4 months for domestic assult and it was just what he and I needed. He has been out of jail since the end of March and we have been back together for a month. Jail allowed me time to get over some of the hurt without his constant presence and jail allowed him to clean up and get his head back on straight. I was enabling his affair and behavior because I never really held him accountable for it. When I finally stood up to him, it all changed. But it changed for me not him. I remembered what I was made of and finally started thinking about myself first. The hardest part of it all was that he refused to leave the OW because she was pregnant and didn't want her to hurt the baby. He felt he had to babysit her. I was very hurt because I had spent most of my pregnancy without him and I was angry that he was there for her. All this being before he went to jail. I also refused to have any contact with him while he was in jail. I didn't see him or talk to him for 4 months. He said that was what made him understand how much he wanted his family. We are doing very well now. He has remained drug and alcohol free. We are in counseling and going thru all the books they recommend on this site. This website has been my saving grace. I am not saying that this will happen with your husband, but if he is honestly willing to give it a shot, then I would say you owe it to yourself to find out. But if he returns to the same pattern for even a minute....GET OUT! Your son is more important than any man. I also want to tell you that it is very hard with a child coming from an affair, but it can be done. We are currently trying to get full custody of his daughter because her mother is horrible. I will not lie and say it is easy, but I have to keep repeating to myself that she is an innocent child and she did not choose to be here. Make very sure you put the blame for that child where it belongs...the parents, not the child. I wish you the best of luck, because if you decide to stay, it will be the hardest thing you have ever had to do.