OM W knows he calls he has been trying to get us a lease deal through a lg car company he works for in Detroit. I do know when he calls it's about the car deal but when my W was in Mi last month she had talked to him about us and that she could not go on in our marriage the way it had been going. I don't like to admit but was 80% my doing. whats tough for me with the walls I but up I can't even remember some of the issues & fights that lead me to being so distant. Like I've said to her I woke up from the funk I was in. I think alot of DJ SD between both of us <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

600 miles away, but he went to the cabin to meet with my FIL & MIL & W to look @ property

Don't be too hard on yourself. Look you are here to seek assitance with saving you marriage right? Both spouses are responsible for the state of their marriage, however when one decides to go outside the marriage to have their ENs met, then they become 100% resposnible for their actions.

Never accept blame for her decision to have an affair...never.

i really don't believe she is having a PA. not to say she wasn't on her way. how do I ask her about that I have a couple of weeks ago.

How do you KNOW that all the calls even prior to the trip were ONLY related to the car deal? How many calls does it take to do this deal?

If you're relying on what she's telling you, you're almost garaunteed wrong. WS's LIE...about pretty much anything to do with the affair. The standard tactic is to deny, minimize, and then assign all the blame on the BS.

So he was there when your wife was? How do you know that they didn't do something then? How do you know that this was his only trip to the cabin? How do you know that they didn't meet somewhere else?

Like I said...you can't rely on her for the truth. Verify with OMW what she knows...find out what HIS schedule was like during this month. Does OMW know about their emotional affair? Just because she knows that they call/email doesn't garauntee that.

This would be futile since a WS will deny everything, sometimes even with irrefutable proof is presented to them.

All you do it tell her that you know about the EA and that you will not accept it. Never tell her what you know since she will only use it to go deeper underground with her A.

I would continue to collect proof before you expose and don't tip your hand to her.

I'm to late, she has changed the Password for our cell phone account & her work email

do I call Him

Why? He'll lie.

She changed the password, and is hiding it from you? Whose name is the account in? Call the service provider, tell them its your account, give them the "proof" that they need, and have them change the password for you. Assuming the account is in your name, of course.

Get a keylogger installed on your computer ASAP.

If she's changing passwords, it means she's still hiding something. Point blank, no question about it.

Don't waste your time calling him. CALL HIS WIFE, have her look at HIS cell phone records and email...RIGHT NOW. Before your WW calls him and warns him.

She's admitted to an EA...so here I'm going to disagree with HTW and say that you've got enough information to expose NOW. I would do so, and after calling OMW I'd call her parents IMMEDIATELY and expose to them. And ask them if OM was hanging around WW a lot while she was there.

owl,

any script on what to ask. you've go my mind going a million MPH

First, tell her what your wife has admitted to so far. Then, go to the following:

Does she know about the affair?

What DOES she know?

Ask about his actions, his travel plans, etc...

Ask about what she's felt in THEIR marriage? Has she felt something going on? For how long?

Have her review his email and phone log, and see if SHE can get more accurate information on what's going on.

Share with her your information. If you've got some information that you don't want your wife to know about, either don't tell OMW this, or caution her not to tell it to her WH, and realize its a risk that she will still do so.

I think the problem I and OMW will have is that they have been emailing from work.

I think you should also expose to your IL's which will hopefully make it more difficult for her to continue her A while visiting with them as they may be currently enabling the A by watching the kids while she runs soem errands.

Also, when you do expose, it is important that you clearly let everyone know that you are trying to save your marriage and feel it is necessary that they know so they can help you accomplish this. You are not our for revenge.

It's also critical that you expose simultaneously so she cannot pre-empt you by telling these people you are a crazy husband.

Then you need to expose to their respective bosses too...and inform them that they've been using company time and resources to carry on their affair.

Jemas:

You have enough to go on.

1. Confession of inappropriate communication (Hidden)
2. Locked Cell, changed Passwords (Hiding)
3. Meeting in MI. 9Sorry, but I bet they spent some 1 on 1 time) Why else would she suddenly call you from afar to tell you she can't go on.

I'm sorry but I'd treat this as a PA. Even if not an EA is JUST as damaging and tough to break up. Especially since they believe they have done nothing wrong by nit sleeping together, and this makes it even tougher to establish No Contact.

The same thing happened to me.

Some telltale signs:

1. does she hover over her cell? Always have it with her, not available to you?

2. The establishment of that emotional "wall"

3. Secrecy of her communications.

Right now you need to assume they are in contact DAILY. and by now, that you are discussing your knowledge of her affair, she is probably in lots of contact about that.

My wife lost her cell phone during her affair and could not wait but 4 hours before she bought a new one.....it was found 2 days later. She began locking her phone with a pasword. Used the computer at night and in secrecy. It was not untill I was able to get online to look at the account did I know contact was between 10 and 30 TIMES A DAY!

This is addition attacking the core of your family and values.

EXPOSE NOW. Take no prisoners, this is real and 90% sure that there is a lot more to it by now than you know about.

I'm sorry you are here, but you must do this. Expose and work on yourself.

My wife and I are in recovery now, so do not lose hope.

she didn't call me from afar I meet up with them @ the cabin for 10 days around the fourth of july.

I did call MIL Shes Livid.

my W locked me out of checking the cell phone records but has not changed her home email. get this she purchased another Cell Phone

I'm having a [email]F@#%ing[/email] GREAT DAY!

I think the MIL is going to call her today after she's done with work.

I took my Xanex - atleast i'm not shaking anymore.

my W denies PA but right now my trust has been shattered!


thanks for all your help it means a lot. i think i'm going to grab a beer & go swimming it's only 100+ today

So you went to a family function, and this guy was there with you guys? I don't know, but if it were someone I knew, He'd have been paid a visit by me by now.

She is covering her tracks, and making it so she can contact w/o you proving it.

This is the exact script from my situation. The only calming thing for you probably...is that this guy isn't local....yet.

The bond built in an EA is baffling. Your wife and her behaviors change and while she bonds with the OM, everything you do good, or bad will be seen as disgusting to her, or irritating, or lazy.....negative stuff.

My Plan A included getting sober. I have not had a drink in 9 mos and I'm alcoholic. WW never expected me to do all that stuf...you know the 80% your fault TRUE FIXES...not just words.

You are beyond reasoning with her at this point. Only Plan A action will get her back, along with exposure and paying your x friend a visit. As you can tell, there's a lot more to it than some work thing....they are in a secritive relationship.

Is MIL the only one who knows? You picked a powerful exposure party, but it's HER daughter. Your wife will try to reason it away and turn the story around and make you look bad/jealous in the proocess. Be careful.

Good luck.