Let us know how court goes. You will be in my prayers.

She got a lawyer of course. She just went on and on about how hard it was being a single mother. How would she know? She has one child everyother weekend, one part time, and our OC full time (for now). It was okay when I was going to be a single mom of three full time children. Anyway, the judge gave her a lawyer. Figures. He also denied my FWH's petition for a temporary visitation order because there has not been a paturnity order thru the court. So basically we don't get to see her again until September 20th court date. She is going to miss her big birthday party we had planned for her and our middle daughter. My MIL called me today to find out what is going on with the court and she actually said she wanted to start over with me. I don't know. I am still so pissed that they accepted the A and welcomed the OW over me. I forgave my WH, but they are another matter. Should I extend the olive branch to her also? My FIL is still very much for the OW and is very upset still that we are going for custody. He still calls OW "baby". It's enough to make you sick. I don't know what to do. My MIL is so two faced, you can't really believe anything she says. Any advice of dealing with the IL's that supported the A? How did you handle it then and now? Thanks for the prayers. We are going to need them.

I would keep MIL at an arms distance but be polite for the sake of your H. It really is for the best you don't see OC again until paternity is established. What if she ends up not being his? It would just further confuse her (OC).

You have a very big heart, Lost. God bless you.

The reson I want OC before September is because I have a home paternity test sitting here waiting on her. I really do believe that she is my FWH's child, but I just wanted to know for my own peace of mind. But we can't do the test if she isn't here! Always something delaying everything. I agree about keeping my IL's at arms length. We have even started talking about moving away from here and more up north toward my family. He seems willing if he can find a good enough job up there. Jobs are hard to find around here. Anyway, I have always kept them at arms length even before all this happened. My FWH is a good man in general and believe me he sure didn't get it from his family. I don't allow my children over there without me and they have never babysat them or had them over night. These are not the kind of people you are happy to know. I really want to move because my oldest has started school and I don't want her looked down upon because of her last name. Depending on what happens with OC of course. Everything is just so dependent on everything else. I feel like I am in the middle of a shoots and ladders game.

well, you are all going to love this. We still haven't seen the OC again. Her first birthday is tomorrow and I doubt we will see her. Anyway, I ran into the xOW at walmart this weekend. She was alone. I couldn't really avoid her as we were walking toward eachother in the same isle and it was very busy. She nodded to me so I asked her how the kids were. She told me it was none of my business and she just wanted me to know that if the judge gives us either full custody or joint custody that she will take off with the kids and we will never see OC again. I didn't say anything and when I didn't respond she added that my FWH and she were still sleeping together and that the reason she would run with the kid is because she doesn't want a ****** like me around her daughter.....a ****** like me? ummmm ok? Apparently being faithful to one man for over 7 years makes me a ******? Boy does she have a screwed up view. I honestly believe she has it in her mind that she was the wife and I am the OW. And if she and my FWH were still sleeping together, why would she be so upset and vindictive? How stupid does she think I really am. Not to mention that my FWH hardly goes anywhere without me now and I have GPS tracking on his cell phone. I can see where he is at any given time. Actually, part of our recovery is that everytime he goes out of town or goes somewhere out of the ordinary, I call his phone and make sure he still has it...and ya know it is always him that answers. I just can't believe her. Anyway, I smiled politely and told her it was nice talking to her and went along my merry way. Well, it was either that or punch what is left of her nasty teeth out. I chose the latter. It is just so infuriating. I didn't tell my husband about it, I know I should have, but she has threatened to run before, so it wasn't anything he hadn't heard before. I didn't think he needed to hear the rest. He is pretty upset that xOW is keeping Abbey from us on her birthday. We are still going ahead with her party because it is a joint party with our middle daughter who will be 3 on Friday. It is little instances like this that renew my strength in getting that child away from her. When I get to heaven I want to ask God why is it that some perfectly wonderful people can't have children and long for one all their lives, and then pieces of trash can have baby after baby......I don't understand it at all.

Ps....I wanted to choose the latter is what i meant to say.

You did really, really well. I would likely have punched her lights out! Maybe that is why God has ensured I not see xOW LOL

Please do tell your H. NC is on both sides and since it was broken, he needs to know. Plus any hint she may run will make a difference in how your custody case is handled. ((LAU))

ok, faithful, I told him. He was, of course, furious...but not at me. You are right, I should have told him right away, but he was already so angry. I have tried to text her a few times today, asking that she please bring Abbey to the party on Saturday, but she has not replied. I went over to my MIL's an hour ago and told her the time and that the OW had not returned our attempts to contact her. She shook her head and called the OW a B1tch. My wonderful FIL said he couldn't blame her for not talking to us...once again I resisted the urge to punch someone....I had to laugh because my MIL promptly told him to shut up and keep him opinions to himself....she has never stuck up for me before. I don't know, faithful, maybe she is actually trying to make an effort. Meanwhile, I will continue to resist the urge to kink my FIL's oxygen hose. Jerk.

>Meanwhile, I will continue to resist the urge to kink my FIL's oxygen hose.

Are we related?

(giggle)

The Borg say, "Resistance is futile." (double giggle)

First of all...thank you kimmy, i needed a laugh. you are the best.

Second....I am so FREAKIN PISSED!!!!!!!!!! My MIL just called and told me that my SIL just got an email from the XOW. I had text XOW a couple times today to find out if we were going to be able to see OC tonight because it is her birthday today. The XOW did not reply of course. She emailed my SIL and told her that she would bring OC to her house on Thursday if she promised not to tell my FWH and I that she was going to be there. My SIL of course called my MIL who of course called us. What a b!tch! I know I am giving her too much credit as a human being, but I can't believe her. I think I am more pissed than my husband. Just who in the ****** does she think she is? Forgive my language, lord. Anyway, my husband went and got a copy of the email from his sister and we are giving to our attorney tomorrow or today actually....lol...its 12:30! I am just so furious. But at least the email shows devious intent to withhold Abbey. She is only helping us, but she is so infuriating. What is with these women (i use this term lightly)? Ya know, even when he was living with that stupid wh!or!....I still let him see our kids whenever he asked for them....and you can bet your life I didn't like it for a second. But I put my kids first. How can she call herself a mother? How could anyone not see she is not fit to be a parent? Oh I could just hit something. I know deep breaths... Maybe I should be going to anger management with my husband.

Hey, Kimmy. Jump over to lakeri on seperated 18 months....She could really use some support. Since I didn't have this website thru the whole plan A and B stuff, I am not sure I am the best choice for trying to coach her on it. She seems very lost and it sounds like her WH is very deep in some very thick fog. Thanks, hun. "Resistance is futile" lol....i am still laughing.

as per my post before the one above, what would it take to get the xOW on oxygen so we could kink her hose also! lol.....

Havin a bit of a tough time. The last couple days have been rough. I have tried to shake myself out of it, but it isn't working. I kinda feel like I am going thru a second mourning period. My FWH has been wonderful, our marriage has never been better. He is attentive, affectionate, considerate, and finally being responsible..all things he has never been before. But for some reason it hasn't been enough lately. Life has been going on as usual. Maybe that is the problem. I have come to the point where I have very few questions left to ask about the affair. I don't think about it alot during the day anymore. A peace has returned to our home. Then a couple days ago, I just started getting angry again. When he tells me he loves me all I can think is "then why did you cheat on me? If I am so wonderful what were you doing with a wh1re like her?" Everytime he tries to be intimate with me, I think "well it wasn't good enough before" Yesterday he gave me a smile before he went over to his mom's and I thought "how can you smile at me after all you have done to me". I do not voice these responses, but he is starting to notice the difference in my responses to him. He asked me last night what he did and it hit me that he hasn't done anything. I am afraid to voice these feelings to him, because I don't want him to think I don't appreciate all the changes he has made. Because he HAS DONE EVERYTHING that I have asked of him and more. He has given me no reason to doubt his sincerity or recommittment to our family. But all of the sudden I am so angry again. My friend Amber says that she thinks it is because he has quit appologizing all the time for the A. Maybe in some way I do feel like he thinks it is okay because he has stopped appologizing all the time, but I don't want him to have to say he is sorry for the rest of our lives...I know he is sorry. Did anyone else go thru this? Do I tell him about it?

Exercise those demons.

I mean EXERCISE, not exorcise.

When I get blue, I jump on my treadmill.

You can ask "why" about the cheating till the cows come home, but I can guan-dern-tee ya you'll never find answers that will assuage your pain.

You don't have to let the whys go right now...but little by little you need to loosen your death grip upon them. They matter little in the grand scheme of things anyway.

All my love,
Kimmy

Yes! It works again.

I haven't posted here in AGES and I just located my old userid & P/W so...I'm baaacckkk.

Lost, I felt compelled to respond to your pain right now because I have been there, back, and there again and back again. What you are experiencing is NORMAL. I don't know how long it will last because, even though it's been almost 3 yrs. since dday for me, I still have these *swings* from time to time. I literally tell myself to *STOP*. I didn't do this a year ago because I knew I had to move through it. But I can tell you, it is getting better for me, as I come into *acceptance*. In my opinion, this acceptance stage comes with time & the continued hard work of your H (give him a hug for being *the man*...he sounds as if he's doing GREAT and he needs to know this). But I also think that since he's doing his part, and beyond, you need to find a way of being able to process THROUGH this stage without laying it on your H so much. I agree with Kimmy (she's ALWAYS right), exercising will help boost those endorphins (sp?) & push those blues out. Coming here to vent about it will help you too...we understand...and help you to NOT heap this onto your H. It's a stage honey. A stage you've got to move *through* and not *around*, and since your H is doing his part, you don't want him discouraged and start to get fearful that things will NEVER get better, or depressed. Just...try to find an outlet, outside of H to move through this stage.

I would share your feelings with H, so as to stay honest about your feelings, but I'd explain that you are going through a natural process and you are taking actions, on your part, to get through it. He needs to know you are still in turmoil so he can at least be aware & can continue to be supportive when you need that extra support too. You guys seem to be doing fine. Keep up the good work & pass it on to H.

4ever

Ok, last night I "excercised" my mind and I think I feel better today. Didn't have the urge to smother him with a pillow when I got out of bed this morning. Definitaly a step forward. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Found out some interesting information yesterday. xOw's attorney called my attorney and wanted some info. My attorney asked her about getting us some visitation and then she asked when my FWH was getting out of jail. ummmm? He got out on March 26th. My attorney told her and then told her some of the stuff xOW has been pulling lately. He said her attorney was furious. Apparently xOW led her to believe that he was still in jail so that she wouldn't have to give us time with the OC. My attorney says that the other attorney may drop xOW as a client for this. Wouldn't that be hilarious after all the crying she did to get her. Anyway, xOW's attorney said that she would contact xOW about giving us some visitation. I would have loved to have heard that conversation. Hopefully things will begin going our way.

Having a very bad day. I am feeling very frustrated and alone right now. Mostly I want to smother my FWH who is right now asleep on the couch. You will understand why in a minute. I have mentioned before that I babysit for a living.. Well, last night I recieved this email from one of the parents I sit for. They pulled their kids without so much as a word and that was that. I have watched these people's kids for 5 years! Not only that but they were the major portion of my income. Naturally, I am a bit upset and worried about the bills. They couldn't have left at a worse time. I talk to my husband about it and he said that he would do everything he could to get a job today. Let me remind you he is asleep on the couch right now. The doctor called today and said she wanted him to go and get x-rays on his hand today (he crushed it in an accident). I tried to wake him up and he practically bit my head off and went back to sleep.

I am remembering why our marriage went to bad. In the last 5 days he has been distancing himself from us. He is short with the kids and has been getting angry with me over stupid stuff. Basically, he has returned to his old self. It's all about him. I didn't want to have sex with him on Sunday morning because we were running late and he threw a fit all day about it.

My FWH is a very sexual man and in the past I have not been intune to that need because I am not as sexual as he is. But since our remarriage, I have been very accomidating to that particular need of his. But he has been in tune to my needs as well which doesn't make SF seem like such a chore anymore. Within the last week he has returned to asking for SF when he knows that I am not available. Like when I have 10 kids in my house? That is just not a time when I am going to be able to give him the attention he needs. Why can he not understand that I have things to do? Sometimes I feel like he should have stayed with the OW. She was a wh1re who had nothing better to do than lay on her back all day.

He said he came back because he wanted the whole package. Well, I am a REAL wife and mother, which means I have alot to take care of during the day. We have 3 small children and I have told him many times, that he needs to be more considerate of my schedule. But he is back to being the same selfish old him and now I am wondering if I made a mistake in remarrying him. He doesn't seem overly concerned about helping me support our family.

I am feeling very alone right now. Is this normal? For them to backslide after a bit of time. What should my next course of action be? My EN's are not being met and I need to know how to get us back on track. I am open to any and all suggestions. I don't want to lose my family again. Please help.

Is he on pain medication?

no faithy, he isn't. this accident happened when he was 16 and now he can't feel the hand. two weeks ago he crushed it again (we think?) when his brother set the water heater down on it again. it is swollen and very painful...the fact that it hurts is a clear sign something is very wrong. do you think this could account for his recent behavior?

Changed my display name to GuidedCertainty for two reasons.

1) Because I don't feel lost and uncertain anymore. I feel certain that I can save my marriage and make it great and I feel guided by the people here.

2) Because somehow I got logged off and couldn't get back in. I also couldn't get a reply from the help places. So, I just created a new identity.


Our court date got changed for the custody hearing for OC. Instead of next week it is now Oct. 5th. We are supposed to see OC this weekend on Sunday at my SIL's. OW will be there thru the entire visit. Pray I will have strength to reisit killing her. Who knows if she will even show. So frustrating.