Hi all, quick little update...all is well in my world for the most far...

I got the paperwork done on the house and faxed that over to my lawyer yesterday, mentioning that I have not recieved CS since Dec. 15th...I called today and found out today that my A send a letter to his stating that if I didn't get CS immediately that we were going to file contempt of court charges and ask for an assignment of wages...

YS has been sick all week ans he's scheduled for surgery to remove his tonsils and adenoids this coming Friday...he's still running a fever today and we went Tues.

So I have to call the dr. in the morning and see about getting him an appt...he suppose to be with POWS but at 5:30 this morning I emailed him asking to keep him with me and I would have OS ready to pick up from the sitter's today...

I didn't want OS to miss out on the parade fun...come to find out it was canceled b/c of the rain anyway...MOF, we, YS and I, will be missing ALL of the parades this year...no FAT TUESDAY for us this year...

I have 57 days left in this D and can't wait to get it over with...

I have gotten myself in some trouble at work for posting so, I have been limiting my internet stuff...you know it's an addiction after awhile...

I have been really busy...got to claim the kids on my taxes since POWS screwed up...I'm going to enjoy that...

Lots of things going on in my life of late but I'm doing well...I really have come to understand Plan B and the help that it gives the BS...clearing the mind in order to see the "BS"...

Well, YS and I are having a movie weekend, with candy and popcorn...you know since he will only be able to eat soft stuff for two weeks after surgery, I figured he better get his junk food in now! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> LOL

Well, just wanted to update...D is still on...and I'm ready for it to be over...

Hi Rin,

I noticed you weren't here. I miss you. Glad things are going how you want and you are enjoying life, as much as possible.

Sorry that your child is sick, but the surgery will be a good thing.

I got into trouble for posting at work, I just moved the computer screen so she couldn't see. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Keep us posted on how you are doing and know you are missed alot.

Thanks SG! I've had alot going on...some of which I'm not ready to talk about...still processing you know?

BUt I'm trying to get into deep darkness...a little difficult right now with the surgery and healthy problems but I feel good...

Remember, don't settle...it's the best or nothing at all! We're worth it!

As we grow and change the lessons are easier to learn and doesn't cause us pain! Even the terrible things that OP say that would have caused us hurt in the past...it all gets easier...I'm so grateful for the changes that I've learned and made today!

When they say that we can't go back...-WE- can't go back...b/c we know better! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

You are so right. And that's what our WW don't understand. The changes that happened are deep and real and everlasting.

You know how many people on here care about you and are pulling for you. We are here when you need us. But you are in our prayers while you are taking care of what you need to.

I am still learning this. I think I just get caught by surprise by the absolutel disgust and total disregard that I am a human being who hurts and is his wife. It just hurts.... Maybe one day I will really and truly understand I did deserve better and it's out there for me. I just have to have FAITH G-d is bringing it to me.

Where my FAITH is, is in my H that G-d will reach him. Because I know that person and if he exists in the darkest depths, then he doesn't want me to stop fighting. Not yet at least.

But G-d will let me know if and when...

Hi, I spent last weekend with STBX, it was something that I had to do for myself...my guard was up, like Mimi said I was waiting for the ball to drop...and it did...OW called him last SUn. night and I told him that I didn't even want him there but his time was not up with the kids and dinner was almost done so I told him to stay...I distanced myself from him...wouldn't sit by him, wouldn't look at him...and he was so attentive and amazing the weekend...a too good to be true kind of thing...he went home shortly after supper...

Then, Wed he txted me, questioning my motives and saying that I reacted to him asking about claiming the kids on his income tax...I told him that he couldn't because he was late on CS and I was going to hold him to what the courts had already set up...he didn't like that and asked when me and the kids were on the side of the road if the courts were going to be there...

I didn't think that he was making sense...anyway, the conversation turned to MC and he didn't see the point and asked what I was hoping to get out of it...I told him...we had made a proposal that if he set up MC by this Friday, yesterday, i would put the D on hold, but I left myself a loop hold, said that nothing else would change, money and living arrangements would remain the same...he agreed...

Well, after Wed. night's conversation, he denied tracking me down, said that he never did it...that he only said that he did, and I told him that was worse and that it was manipulation...I quickly ended the conversation, saying that I was going to bed, I was tired from caring for YS...

He aslo said that he only left his work once to show up at my work, I told him that was not true...he did that 4 or 5 times...after I got off the phone I thought about it really hard back to the night that he was driving around to all of our friends, asking me if I was here or there, saying that he had already checked here and here...I remember the sounds in the background...so I txted him, saying that I have everything wrote down since May of 06 and that he lied again, I remembered it and to leave me alone. Then I turned my cell phone off...

When I turned it back on there were two messages...I ignored them and didn't contact him until Friday morning at 5:30 and it was about keeping YS this weekend b/c he was still running a fever and if he was today then I had to bring him back in, that I could have OS ready...he said that was fine...then I got an email after lunch about MC...he said you pick and I'll call...he even called my cell, which I didn't answer b/c I was at work in a meeting, and txted me twice...

I had to run home for a drill to do something for work and I txted him on the drive saying I said to leave me alone and turned my cell off...to make a long story short, he knows that I refused MC b/c he was in it for the wrong reasons...doing it FOR ME....and I'm really dark...and what i wrote to my friend explains it all...

I also understand better, not completely what MEDC was saying...I think...it's in trusting myself to what I know that made the difference...

[quote]Morning! Yes, when I came to MB my ONS had happened years
before and I was completely remorseful, STBX refused to get rid of him as a friend, so everytime that he called I immediately called Sed and told him...I let him know what I was doing after work, if I wasn't coming home...I felt like I have to prove myself...I even knew why I did it and told him...I would ask for what I needed, hugs, kisses, for it to only be us and he would agree on the surface....he would demand anal sex and continued to look at his porn...it was like what I felt, thought didn't matter, it was him being selfish, not just in that area but money too...
>
> I would ask him to watch the kids and that was like the world was ending...the looks I would get from him...he would tell me to ask for help when I needed it but when I asked didn't...
>
> When I exposed his stuff, I included what I did...b/c i knew that was the first thing I was going to hear, so I owned it to everyone...told my parents, him parents, our friends...
>
> When I set up MC the first time, he agreed, even scheduled the time off at work to go...never went to the first session, said I was making him do something that he didn't want to do, so I canceled then and he continued to lie to everyone at work, saying that he was going...here we are again in the same sitch...appearing to be willing but not, he said Wed. night that he didn't see how this was going to work...then today, he sends me a list and says you pick...I'll call...says he's only going for me...well, I can seee where that's heading...next, I'll be making him do something that he doesn't want to do again...
>
> So, I refused MC...(he switched to txting) said something about well, fine, then, one day I'll be perfect like you and never make any mistakes. Another one he sent Wed night, said...All you (something) is bad things that I never did to you what happen to all the good things I did for you bet you don't have those writen down...
>
> It's like he know all the right words to tell me to get me close and then he attacks, denies, questions my motives, accuses me of things I'm not doing, blames, turns it back on me saying I'm the one that's doing whatever not him...the differences between this week and when we were together is I know better...I can see what he's doing...I use to question myself all the time, wonder if I didn't hear him right, or if it really didn't happen that way...
>
> So, I told him today, that we are just coparents and had to tell him to leave me alone twice today...I told him once WEd. after he lied about not tracking me down and telling me that he didn't leave his work multiple times to come to mine...I even asked my boss today how many times he showed up at work b/c he said he only did that once...she said plenty...
>
> So when I left, I questions myself, didn't trust what I knew and this time I proved it's not me...these things HAVE happened...I'm not crazy, I know what I know...and I'm done with him...I thought I was the one rewriting history but I'm not...when I reread my posts, I wondered if I was being real with myself or if I was making it up....it's the same stuff today as it was back then...intimidation, manipulation...appearing to be the good guy...no, my boss and my sponsor are right...
>
> I told him that I was tired of the abuse and he said that no one was abusing me...
>
> The night that I left, he was driving around to all of our friends, was talking to me on the phone, told me I already drove by so and so so tell me if you are here b/f I go down this driveway...told me when he found me he was going to make a scene...then WED. tells me that he never did that...I told him that was worse, that was manipulation...after I got off the phone, I thought about it real hard, I could remember the sounds in the background...I thought why would he do something like that, sitting at home, lying the whole time...then it hit me, he did the same thing about the affair...said he had one, then told me it was all a lie, that he didn't...that mental abuse...I wondered why would someone do that...I was in pain for weeks... why would someone be that cruel...
>
> So, That's why I have come to the conclusion that I have...back to plan b and this time I really really want it...I remember why I started the whole D in the first place and I firmly believe that I'm doing the right thing...as many times as I've been told by him that I'm the problem and I believed him, I know for certain that I'm the problem...I'm the solution to having a happy life...I'm back to feeling good about walking away, like I did when I left...[/quote}
>

Anyway, hope this helps someone...I feel good and this hasn't been a let down believe it or not...I feel pretty darn good about standing up for what I know, for me...

I have found it pretty easy to turn off my cell, or ignore him, delete an email, even after reading it...and not make contact with him...no more wondering if I was wrong...I'm okay with me...some lessons we have to learn on our own for them to stick...

How are you doing? What are you feeling? What do you want?

I'm feeling fine and doing ever better...LOL...I'm happy with my decision to carry through with the D...

AND because I dealt with him this time I don't fear getting into another relationship that's the same...I feel confident and really good...

I'm just waiting to see what the next step is from my lawyer...I gave him the house stuff and now it's to clear up the property settlement...

I'm not depressed, I sure don't miss him...I feel pretty darn centered and where I had doubts before I don't have them now...so life is good!

Wow, Rin....

That's amazing and I'm so happy for you.

You are such an inspiration to me. I can't imagine being in that place at all....

What an accomplishment and success of recovery. You know that, right?