My partner of 16 years has been having an affair, emotionally and sexually with his co-worker for many months. They started when I was pregnant and continued until my baby was 3 months old. He confesed this past April after I confronted him with evidence. After a brief pause of 3 months, in which they continued working together through the computer,they have resumed their affair with what it seems more force. Now she is at the office again and they meet for sex and chat. He says that he is confused and that he can't decide now, in the emotional state of confusion and stress that he is. She is a vital part of his company and he says that that make his decision more difficult. I feel emotionally exhausted. Yesterday we went to see a therapist, he suggested me to be friendly and don't fight anymore. I'm alone at home with my baby, waiting to see what is going to happen next. I know that his perfect situation is to have both. For how long should I wait for that affair to end? She is married but separated, should I speak with her husband? I know he wants her back, as I want my husband back. He recently came back home after I told him I was feeling very depressed. He wants to stay, I don't know for how long...What is the best I can do? I'm behaving nice, as a friend, we are sleeping in separate rooms. Please help me, I want to save my family.

I'm so sorry you're here.

I just wanted to respond so you would know someone did read your post.

Unfortunately, I'm not an expert. Hopefully one of the veterans here will chime in pretty quick.

Did you read on the site about affairs, the concept of the love bank,and Plan a and Plan B? That may be a good place to start while you're waiting on someone more seasoned to respond.

Call the HR department. The OW maybe using her work influence to keep him on the hook. Blow that cover.

Yes, notify her H. She may be an experienced OW. If so, you will need to work quickly and effectively.

L.

I'm no expert either, but being a Friday, and the traffic is sometimes subdued on the weekend, I wanted to send some support.

You need a plan, so you don't do something rash and you don't let yourself get depressed. 1. A plan, which includes taking care of yourself and your baby. Do you have friends you can talk to (well, other than here of course <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ) Do you have childcare available if you need some time to be alone? Have you read up on this website about marriages (M) and Affairs (PA and EA)? 2. When you've read up on this website, I suggest you start planning exposure. You need to tell everyone about the A who can put pressure on your H to return to the M. A's work best as secrets, that is part of the excitement and allure. Oftentimes, the wandering spouse's (WS) parents or siblings are helpful. And how about talking to HR at his workplace, I'm sure they'd like to know that their employees are treading a distructive path, one that for them could lead to lawsuits... 3. How about filling out some of those questionaires, those on Lovebusters (LB) and Emotional Needs... If your H won't fill out his half, you fill it out, using your best guess. That can give you an idea of how to bring him back around. 4. Remember, he's in a fog. Right now, I wouldn't take to heart much of what he says, b/c he's in this "foggy" mindset rationalizing it is OK what he is doing to you and the M. He's already justified his behavior, and he's going to protect his selfish actions like an addict protects his stash. He'll not be making sense for a while, but you can do this! 5. I'm told "Surviving an Affair" is a good read, but I myself haven't read it.

Come back with some updates, so the more experienced folks can give you advice.

Take care of yourself and that little baby!

mercedes, the worst thing you could possibly do is NOTHING. Most counselors know absolutely nothing about adultery, and you have received very bad advice. By doing nothing, as you CAN SEE, your H has no motivation whatsoever to end his affair. What you are doing is ENABLING him, at your own expense.

Plan A and Plan B are the best approach that I know of to protect your marriage from adultery. Plan A is a plan designed to attract your H back and to cause as much conflict as possible in the affair. For example, exposure is one of the most potent weapons against an affair. Affairs thrive on secrecy but when exposed, the affairees are forced to see how sleazy they look in the eyes of others. While there are no guarantees, we have actually had affairs end the very day they were exposed. At the worst, it will hasten its death, because exposure is like chemotherapy to cancer.

Good exposure targets are parents, spouses, employers, siblings, close friends, pastors, etc. It is best done in one fell swoop to get the maximum impact.

Please order Surviving an Affair from this website and read it as fast as you can. It will help you understand the dynamics of adultery and make much of what we say make sense. In the meantime, please read these links:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...;page=0#2858269

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=0#Post3014240

How to Survive Infidelity [watch this VIDEO!!] http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html

Definitely speak to the OWH. It is VERY likely that she's not separated at all and that's just the story she's telling your H. I'd get that one straight from the horse's mouth (her husband!)...

thank you very much. The latest news is that they had a big fight at the office, she told him she was leaving and he felt bad an called me. Then he went to speak to her. Now they must be together, it is past midnight. I feel very bad, I don't know if they are having sex, fighting or talking. I'm afraid he is going to leave to stay with her. He sent me an e-mail before the fight. He told me that I was important to him and his family. I'm very afraid for my son, I know that that woman will try to separate my husband from him. I will try to put plan A as long as he stays here. My mom is coming to help me with the baby, but I'm afraid he may leave as soon she arrives. Please help me with advice.

Thanks. Today they had a big fight at the office. She threat him to leave. Now he didn't come home. He is with her tonight. I will try to stay calm tomorrow. I'm afraid he will leave. I worry about the future of my baby. I can't believe this is happening to me. He has always been so considerate. He is totally insane.

Did you read our suggestions about exposure, mercedes?