i found 2 interesting articles on it...

hope you find the links helpful, i thought they were.

here is one then i will post the other:

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Long-Distance-Relationship-Work

http://lovesagame.com/10-rules-to-make-long-distance-relationships-work/1/

this is the other one..

anyone else have other links they would like to add?

i just think so many of us, here or even in today's society are in ldrs for one reason or another. i honestly feel they are no harder than being in a proximal relationship. both have good and bad points. bottom line, any relationship requires work. i found these articles to be helpful and informative and positive.

mlhb

Interesting articles though I don't agree that there aren't any games. Sure there are. You have to be quite saavy to catch them though.

I guess too just how far away one is comfortable with being involved with someone is a personal choice.The two guys I have decided to keep pursuing and let all the other's go are between 2-4 hours away. I think that's far enough for me.

mlhb,how do you feel about G being so far away? Are you ok with it like in the articles? I think one promising thing for me is that when my kids are in college,I wouldn't mind relocating then. I won't now until they are out of school and I love my home. That can make things hard for people,relocation.

AB,

i am torn about the distance honestly.
in some ways i think it is good. i think it prevented us from moving too fast. it is easier to allow space when space is needed because we aren't in the same city,town, whatever.

HOWEVER,
i would like for us to be able to spontaneously date. like this weekend for example, my kids are with my ex, his is with his ex. if i lived there i am sure we would be spending this weekend together. quite honestly, times like that stink.

i know we never thought our conversations would lead to an actual emotionally bonded relationship. this is what is throwing us for a loop right now.

the distance.. i am actually quite willing to relocate. i absolutely love where he lives. it is just the right size city, and not right in atlanta which i would not like. it is a very nice suburb. i love the weather, all that there is to do, etc. so it is certainly not that i don't see that there could be an end in site at some point with me going down there. the one thing i would have to do is go back to court to get permission for my children to go across state lines with me.

ideally, i think he and i would both agree we wished we lived closer to eachother. even half of what it is now would be more doable. it is like a 15 hour drive right now, 8 would be better! 2-4 hours would seem like nothing to me.
i would not wait til my kids were in college to move. that would be 8 more years to wait.

BUT, it is what it is. we decided to continue to pursue this relationship throught its ups and downs because there are feelings there now and we do see some sort of potential or i imagine we would have ended it a long time ago.

and i probably totally over answered your question LOL

mlhb

I never really understood this either from a personal standpoint. But now I do since talking with D before. I was astonished how fast it happened to me,miss awareness. I also realize that it can happen again with the other 2. But I am less attached, much less so.Just a reserved hopefulness. lol

I think I wouldn't want to move because it's a huge risk to take and if you found out things didn't work out,you're in his town with kids in a new school,starting over. At least if I were on my own, I could move again without much baggage.I have 5 years to wait if I did before the last one's out.

You answered just fine! no worries...

i agree that it is a risk and this is one of the things G and i have discussed. it is a fear of his actually : what if my kids and i moved there and things did not work out? he does not want to shoulder that responsibility, does not want to be to blame for an upheavel in our lives.

i understand those thoughts. HOWEVER, if I DECIDED to move there with my children i do feel it would be my decision.
but, and i have said this before, i would not move there until we had been dating for quite some time and i would only move to be married. that may sound completely stuffy but i would not move just for a dating relationship. a move that big requires a commitment. and we have found out we are no where near ready for that yet.

it is a catch 22. in order for us to be able to spend lots of time together i would need to live there but i won't move there until we are "at that point" so we need to find another way to get to that point.

i firmly believe in many of the suggestions in the articles. i believe we should see eachother once a month. i believe we need to make that happen. not every 2-3, but once a month. i believe we need to simulate proximal dating as much as is possible. if i lived there we would probably spend every other weekend dating. the closest we can get to that is one extended weekend a month. i also believe in the spontaneous cards and letters, the ecards, etc. and i do do that now and have over the past year. i do agree with having 1 -2 days a week where you do not communicate. it is hard, but i do agree. it does cause you to miss that person. and you look forward to the next time you will talk.

there are many things in those articles we have not yet tried. i have sent him the links in an email for him to read as well and i am interested to hear what he thinks of them. i do believe you can make anything work if you want it bad enough and you have the planning and the desire.

no, in some ways it is not as easy as if you were just a drive away, but there are other ways you can make it work.

mlhb