I found out almost 2 weeks ago that my husband had been with a woman....supposedly a lesbian....almost 2 years ago....They are still friends (just friends) and he has been secretly seeing the child. He told me that it was only 2 times and when she got pregnant they decided that they needed to stop what they were doing. He said that i did not deserve what he was doing to me.....He has tried over the last two years to make me hate him so it would be easier for me to leave......but i don't...I love him, and i think our marriage is worth working out....i believe him when he tells me that he loves me and now that he knows that i am not going to leave he is a lot happier....he is trying to pay more attention to me and not his friendship with oc mother....i want to meet oc who is 11 mos old. He wants that too.....My question is we have 4 children...20 yr old son, and daughters 18 yrs, 16 yrs, 8 yrs. We want to tell them....we want to make sure everything is alright between us first...when and how do we tell them??????

Me 42
H 41
married 22 years
com 20, 18. 16. 8
d-day 2 aug 07
oc dob 16 sept 06

Was DNA ever established? I think you and your H need to sit down with your COM and tell them the truth. The 8 y/o should be age appropriate but the olders can have the unvarnished truth that daddy did was wrong to go outside the marriage and hurt you like that but that you have forgiven him and are working on the marriage. That he loves all of them very much but a child was born of the affair and you plan to integrate her into your family. Don't be surprised if they are angry or don't want the child around, especially your youngest who IS the baby right right now.