Hello, I know this looks long but PLEASE read it....

I posted on here several months back when I was just finding out my wife wanted a divorce. I will try to bring you in on the story. Married 6 years, been together 14, we have a 2 year old daughter.

Long story short I couldnt figure out why she wanted a divorce. Turns out she had an affair with one of my best friends. The reason for it?? She says she was unhappy. We have been going on living in the same house and trying to work it out but no success. We tried to be like old times, but everytime I looked at her I for some reason, visualized THEM, and then thought about how bad she did me. By the way, she managed to pick up Genital Herpes during that sling. I hope it was worth it.

I come here now in hopes of some words of wisdom, words of encouragement, and whatever else anyone wants to give me. For months now, I have been miserable. About 2 weeks ago, something happend, and I guess I got tired of being in a relationship where I was always sad, and thought about what she did to me. I still somewhat care for her and love her, but its not the same. She is a different person now. She has gotten 6 tattoos, goes out everyweekend all night, new friends, etc.

After a large argument, and me calling her a few choice names, she cordially asked me to leave. I did. This weeek is the first week we have been apart in years. Longest in about 13 years actually. I miss my daughter very much.

So, today, I get a message from someone about her "Myspace" picture having a guy in it. Called her up and mentioned I want to see my daughter today. I also say, "so, who is the guy in your myspace pic"... she replied "oh thats someone I have been talking to". She openly tells me she is already in another relationship. Let me just say, its taking all I can not to go completely nutts. She sayd she is ready to move on, and is most angry about my name calling I gave her the other night. She looks past the fact she has ruined my life with her affair and now this. How is this legal? How can she do this? What am I going to do?

PLEASE HELP ME. I am desperate, i do not know what i should do. I need to turn this divorce around on her. I feel useless, played, unneeded, just all around sad.

Mr. Wondering here.

YOU moved out.

WHY?

Is custody already settled in the divorce case?? If not...abandoning the home guarantees you will get the worst deal possible.

Your daughter needs you to fight. Maybe not for the marriage but, at least, for the most custody you can get...to protect her from your wife's distructive lifestyle and choices.

Don't forewarn your STBXW. If you legally can...MOVE back home...immediately (before she legally stops you). Do it while she is out and when she comes home...invite her to leave if she wants but you intend to stay.

Anyway...the Infidelity-Gen'l Questions board is a lot more active. You should move this conversation over there.

Good luck,

Mr. Wondering

I am so sorry for this to be happening to you. Sounds like she feels like she missed out on something and is trying to do that now. It wont last, I promise you that. Wanting to turn the divorce around on her could get very very ugly. However, I agree you should move back in. With this staying out all night etc. she is at the very least not providing a stable home for a 2-year old. Be the bigger person in this mess and you WILL come out on top. Unfortunately, when one spouse goes "wild", one still has to be responsibile. This is obviously not the woman you married.

I agree with Mrs Wondering, move back.
No matter what happens you need to start therapy, find a counselor and go, fix you. You can not fix her. have you read Plan A and Plan B? get going. Start snooping, find out everything you can about her, do not tell her what you know, keep record of everything. Do not sit around sad, you got work to do, read all you can on this site and do what needs to be done. once you get things accomplished and get yourself protected, emotionally you will feel better. Good Luck and I am very sorry

Thanks for the replies. New news. I go to see my daughter last night and she has had her new boyfriend change the locks. I called the cops and they were on my side. Made her open the door. Today, i go back to get my daughter, and told her she needs to give me a key, or im removing the locks. She called the cops. Cops get there, and make her give me a key haha. Small victory.

Anyway, after cops left, we got in huge argument, and she just left. So I have my daughter now. Thing is, im sure Monday morning she will get some kind of order for me not to come over anymore. So, I guess i have to figure out if i move back in or not this weekend.

BTW. I made up some document the other day and we both signed it. Basically saying she asked me to leave and i did so. And that I can come back anytime, and that this was just temp till the divorce. So you think I still need to move back in? I really, really dont want to. I hate to even look at her. I will do anything to help my case. I want to take her to court and divorce her. She has made me far to angry. I want to go for full custody. I have proof of her 1st affair too.

yes, I think you should move back in. I know its hard to look at her because she hurt you so bad, crushed is more like it. Please do not be so hurt that you are willing to give up everything you have worked so hard to have all these years, your home, treasures, all that, especially your right to be with your daughter, do what it takes to protect her and you, you know your wife isn't thinking right, so you need to. Please arrange a counseling appt. that is first order of business and protect you.

thanks. I am sure when i go to move back in she will freak out. I havent really moved anything out except for like 3 things.

so, i made another discovery. How bout im looking through trash today at the house, and find a used condom. I was absolutley shattered. It goes without saying I will be calling a lawyer Monday. The thought of her being with someone while im not there, and my daughter asleep at the house. It is really hard to deal with. Much pain. This has to be illegal.

So I hope you are moved back into your family home. Your daughter needs you in the home now more than ever. Stay in the home.