we've been married for 1.5 yrs now. we recently started fighting constantly. last week, he told me he's had it. he says we have a communication issue. he says i have not made it "inviting" for him to open up and talk since we've been together (1 yr dating, 1.5 yrs married). he also says that when he does talk, i don't understand him. there are several other issues going on like he hates his job, we're in debt, and he has a testosterone deficiency which means we cannot have sex very often or that easily. it has to be premeditated. the deficiency started on our 3rd month of marriage. we've gone to doctors and they don't know what it is. i was angry that this happened as i was a virgin prior to him so i was very upset. now, today the last thing on my mind is sex. i just want to solve this dry spell, this numbness that he has, this unhappiness that we both feel. i don't want to lose him. i am willing to try whatever it takes to restore our marriage. i apologized numerous times for getting us to where we are now. i didn't mean to shun him at all, that was not my intention. i never realized that i was making him close up. but again i never did it on purpose. sometimes i think it is his testosterone issue that has him this way. he says once "communication and understanding" are in play, everything else will fall into place. ive been doing whatever it takes to fix things but today he says i am trying too hard. he says to just give him space to get out of his "funk" and he'll be back. but ive never seen him like this. my husband is an uppity guy, always outgoing and funny and to see him like this kills me. i want to respect his space and let him sort out his feelings but since he's so fed up, im afriad of giving him his space and him running away from me. i don't want to lose him. again im willing to try whatever. i scheduled a marriage seminar for both of us on communication but he's very blah about it. i also asked if he wanted me to schedule with a psych but he says that he knows i don't like them but i don't care!!! whatever it takes. i just really want us to be ok. i refuse to end things when it has only been 1.5 yrs. i am a fighter and i will fight for my marriage. advice from anyone is beyond helpful right now. thx.

Sounds like DEPRESSION to me..
With some underlying issues that set it off.
You tried a lot but it does take 2 to make it work out.
I wish you two the best.
S-TDL

My H was depressed, his muscles and joints ached, he was at times very irrational in things he said. He could perform during sex but had no interest in initiating (libido suffered). I finally convinced him to see his dr. Turns out, my husband's testosterone level was "dangerously low." We learned that a low testosterone level is bad in two ways - one way, the sex drive. The other, even more importantly, put him at risk for osteoporosis and heart attack and several other nasty things. Since then, he has been on a shot regime, and it's obvious his level is raising. He is no longer depressed, very reasonable in communication, and physically he's feeling LOTS better. Our sex life has improved as a result of the higher level and him feeling better. Nice domino effect.

Get your H to a different doctor. Try a urologist or a physician well trained in sex therapy.

I am not good to give advice on marriage as I was never married, and do not have a clue. But I do listen to many people and interact/counsel students a lot. And it seems to me that your husband is going through a tremendously difficult time with his testosterone issue. Here he gets married and he cannot be a man. One cannot underestimate that. One should try to be as encouraging and comforting and loving as possible towards someone who is faced with this terrible situation. Of course it is terrible for you too. But for him, it must be terrifying. He might even feel that he cannot meet your emotional needs of sex (he might think wrong there, but he might have these thoughts), and he feels even more worthless. Because he cannot be a man, fulfil his emotional sex need, and fulfil yours. He he helpless and he cannot do anything about it.
He might need a lot of love and encouragement.
And doctor's help too.. And you should not try to take it too personally perhaps, because it must be very hard for him. Your love to make the marriage work is beautiful, but to make a marriage work, you also have to figure out how to put money into his love bank. It does not seem that this is occurring right now. I know it must be hard to do that, but that seems to be the only way. When you start that positive process then you will find your love again. But you must find the emotional needs you can both fulfil for each other. Did you find what they are? And are you focusing on those? Again, I have no clue on marriage, but the Harley books are just so logical they are almost like elementary math, and they make complete sense. People focus on what is not working all the time. And it seems that you might be doing that a little bit. But try to identify what works, and give each other a lot of that, and the rest might come perhaps. It must be very hard, but it is worth it.
People who have read my other threads will be rolling their eyes, asking who this person is to give advice, since she is more than clueless. So I respect that, and do take what I say with a grain of salt, because I am indeed clueless...