I had a 3 month affair after 20 years of marriage. We had been basically living separate lives for the last 5 years or so, and there was no emotional intimacy. I was at the point where I wanted to get a divorce and told my husband so. He refused to let me go, said he'd do anything he needed to, etc. I was living in my own selfish reality, and all I could think about was being happy with the man I was having an affair with. I gradually came to the point where I was willing to at least go to counseling to see if there was anything left. I was still trying to find a way to be "friends" with this man through e-mail, even though I knew it wasn't right. I finally said goodbye about 6 days ago, and it has been sooooo hard. I miss him so much, and what has made it even harder is how resentful he is about the emotional roller coaster I put him on the last 3 months - going back and forth between trying to do the right thing and trying to save my marriage, and then feeling like I just couldn't bear to end things and wanting to stay with him. So not only do I have to end all contact, but I also have to deal with not having a peaceful resolution between us. It's just so hard knowing there is someone out there that I have hurt so much, and there is nothing I can do about it. Any words of advice on getting through this time? When does it get any easier? I feel depressed and like I can't bear the thought of never talking to him again. My husband has been very forgiving, feels like he left me very vulnerable to this happening, and is doing everything he can to rebuild our marriage. It's very hard though because my feelings are still conflicted, and my feelings of love are much less than his. Thanks for any help or advice.

Janelle,

THis withdrawal will take a few weeks to get through. The best way to do it is actually something that seems very counter intuitive. You rely on your H. When you start to think of OM, call your H, or go talk with him. Does your H understand the concept of withdrawal with regards to an affair???? If not, bring him the articles here and let him read them.

I was smiling as I read your post. You are still in what is called the "fog" here. When you come back in say 6 months or so you will be very shocked at what you wrote. But, that is pretty normal.

Right now you are worried about the rollercoaster you have put OM through, and yet have no sense or concept of the roller coaster your H has been and is going through. You worry that you have somehow betrayed the OM, but simply say "my husband has been very forgiving". Sigh!

Your H is taking the blame for YOUR decision right now because to do otherwise would make him face that what you did was done willfully and without any regard to what your affair would do to him.

I will say this. Your OM's resentment is hardly warrented. He choose to have an affair with a married woman. He choose to help you violate your vows and your boundaries. He was playing with fire and he got burnt. It is HIS fault.

I hope that you take the time to read all of the articles on this site. Further, I hope you will buy a copy of Surviving an Affair by Harley and learn about the dynamics of an affair. I further hope that your H will also take the time to do some learning about affairs, and even more about marriage and relationships.

Your marriage can be rebuilt, and in many ways it can be made better than ever IF you two take the time to learn how to conduct a marriage. Clearly you have failed the marriage, yourselves, and on another. However, that does not mean it has to continue.

So please do some reading. Ask many questions of the people here and give this time. You can recover. The withdrawal will lessen and let your H help you. He seems to be willing to do so.

I look forward to hearing more from you, and I am sure as the weekend comes to a close you will receive many responses. Some will seem harsh, others not so much. Just understand the folks here are big on rebuilding marriages thus they do understand that to rebuild you will have to be part of the solution and they will help you.

God Bless,

JL

Janelle,

I'm glad you decided to work things out with your husband. That is the very smartest thing you have ever decided to do. Six months from now, you will look back and know that, and two years from now you will wonder what you were thinking when you had the affair.

There's not a way to have a peaceful resolution, and to try to talk to the OM will only set your clock back to zero again. The idea of talking to the OM is really just a way to try to get a fix of that drug you were on - the one that was exciting, made you feel good about yourself, the fantasy drug where you thought you could start over with a new relationship all fresh.........but that is all just fantasy.

You've hurt many people - including your husband (the Betrayed Spouse, or BS, BH betrayed husband), yourself, and if the other man is married, his wife (OMW).



The reality is that when people leave their spouses for an affair partner, that new relationship usually never lasts more than two years max. Most of the people who have affairs regret them, and wish they had stayed with the partner they had been with in the first place.

We all grow complacent with our relationships over time. It's more about how much effort we put into them ourselves, you know?

My husband had an affair two years ago.

He spent lots of time talking to the OW. Fixing things up so they could get together. Talking with her. Doing special things with her. Thinking of ways to get close to seduce her.

I told him that if he had spent 1/2 the time doing that for me, he never would have had the affair. Because he just changed his focus to her - and took it off where it ought to have been. I knew something was wrong, and tried to figure it out, tried to get his attention, but he was just....gone.

He became entranced in a fantasy. He rewrote the history of our relationship. Suddenly, our relationship was "always" a certain way, "never" another way....

When in reality, we had a pretty good marriage. Not perfect, but better than most.

We were good friends, too.

We rarely fought. We enjoyed many of the same activities, political views, philosophies, interests.

But we just became complacent about meeting the needs of each other, and took it for granted that we didn't have to work at it.

Boy, were we wrong.

You have a unique opportunity here, Janelle. You can take this moment in your life to look at what you want in a marriage and make it happen. You have a husband who is willing to forgive what you have done, and who recognizes what contributions he made to the state of the marriage prior to the affair.

What you need to do is recognize what contributions YOU made to that state of the marriage prior to the affair as well.

What did you do wrong, before the affair, that made the marriage not-so-wonderful?

Because there were two people in that marriage. YOU were one of them, and you had every opportunity to make changes too.

So while your husband works on his own changes, you have some work to do. Don't leave him there trying to prop you up while you pine away for the OM. Take a good hard look at what your contributions to the marriage were, and what you might have done better. What needs did you fill for your husband? What did you do well, and not so well?

What are you doing today to make the marriage move forward?

For example, have you written a NO CONTACT letter to the OM, and let your husband read it and mail it? This would go a long way for your husband's ability to recover from the devastation, and for making him feel like you want to make the marriage work again. It would also help you to make a committment to not contacting the OM.

Which, you can never do again. There's no contact again, ever. Sorry, but that is the rule. If you do have any contact, you must tell your husband.

That's for life.

It does get easier.

Your husband is climbing his own mountains. He will be on a rollercoaster of emotions, so watch for that. Be loving, be patient, and understand that from moment to moment he will change how he feels. Hang in there with him. He is devastated, and right now he is in shock. Anger does come in there......

Buy the book "Surviving an Affair".
Do the Emotional Needs Questionnaire with your husband on this website. Start working together to make things happen in your marriage.

You can make this better, together. It will take your husband a couple of years to get over it.

It can be done - and your marriage can be better. There are lots of FWW on this board who will come and post for you.

This site helped us put it back together after he nuked our 30 year marriage with yet another affair. I thought I would have left him, but MB actually made it salvagable. Never thought that would happen. We're good now. Better, in fact, I think.

Sorry you are here, but welcome to Marriage Builders. If there's anywhere that can help, it's here.

Thank you both for your responses. It's good to put things out there and get some feedback. I know I've been in a fog. I feel like I'm starting to come out of it, but it's very hard.

My husband has bought Surviving an Affair, so I will plan on reading it. Ironically enough, I bought 2 copies of His Needs, Her Needs quite a few years ago. I finally sold them at Half Price books because they were just gathering dust. Sigh. I really did try for many years to make things better, but it was pretty much one sided. I just finally gave up and went numb after a while.

It's hard now, because my husband is very loving and affectionate and wants to move forward quickly. There have been years of hurt on my side that are going to take time to heal, not to mention getting over the OM.

I know I've caused my husband much pain, and more to come. I am trying to help him the best I can, but it's hard because I am struggling with my own issues and don't feel near as strong a connection as he does. I know even now that I made the right decision. It's just hard living it out, trying to move forward the best we can.

Janelle,

You have received some good replies with good plans. I want to give you some off the wall support by helping you have a different mental outlook than what you had in your A.

When you think of the OM, think of a stinky, crusty, infected guy. One that is out to break your family.

I realize you are the one who has allowed him into your family and even if he really smells nice, the A has made both of you stink so you have to clean up your act and he has to clean up his by staying away from you.

The test will come over time. Now you need to get help and a recovery plan. Read SAA & HNHN, take the EN questionanire and call Jennifer C for some phone counseling.

You s/b busy reading and learning, this will also help remove the w/drawals.

take care,
L.

Janelle,

You mentioned Not surprising really. This is very common here. That is why people do and can recover from affairs and rebuild the marriage. It changes the dynamics. It should NOT take an affair to do this but it seems to.

I am NOT going to make excuses for you or your H. However, my guess your H was socialized to focus on HIS tasks in this marriage and did not realize the power he had to dull your enthusiasm for the marriage.

You then said
Well, your H is wrong about moving ahead quickly and it won't be long before YOU will be wishing he WOULD move ahead quickly. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Right now his focus is on saving your marriage. Later, when all of this really hits him he will question everything and to your surprise he will really question himself. His self-esteem will take a huge dive as if it hasn't already. It will be your time to carry the load then.

As for forgiveness, it works both ways. To recover this marriage BOTH of you will need to forgive and the hardest thing will be forgiving yourselves.


IF you had a friend who had been betrayed by her spouse, would you comfort her? Would you be proactive and seek her out to "get her mind off it"? What would you do?

Your level of involvement in this marriage may be low right now, but simply doing as you would do for a friend will help alot right now. Further, as you do this what you will find is that you will become more engaged in the marriage and the process.



What does moving forward mean to you? Right now it is to get through withdrawal doesn't it? It means trying to convince yourself you made the right decision. I would like to submit to you AND your H that moving forward means learning from this experience. Learning more about one another and making this marriage something you both enjoy. You stated that both of you had moved apart so I doubt your H was enjoying this marriage any more than you were.

Do read the book, and read the articles here. I would strongly recommend that you start by focusing on Harley's four rules for a good marriage. They are very common sense. Then consider the two polices of Joint Agreement, POJA, and Radical Honesty. They will help communications. Then progress to taking the Emotional Needs questionaire. All of this is available on this site as well as in His Needs Her Needs.

As you start this process it will feel pretty academic,espeically right now. But, gradually you will see your perspectives change. My guess if your H will also do this, his perspectives will also change. Also please remember you have a lot of power in this marriage. You have not figured out how to use it effectively and that is one of Harley's strong points. Hence my recommendation to you.

Finally, you and your H should seek good counseling with a pro-marriage counselor and develop a PLAN to make your marriage better. I say this all of the time and I will say it to you.

Saying "I plan to lose 20 pounds", is something I have done for years AND...those twenty did not head out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> You need a detailed plan with action items, schedules, feedback periods, and evaluations of yourselves. Harley is big on this as you can see on this site. Get together with your H to develop plans to: get you through withdrawal, to get you and he on a path to learn more about relationships and marriage, to develop a lifestyle that you both want and enjoy, to have fun, to make the future a good one.

Here is where the POJA and radical honesty are really important and learn about them...BOTH OF YOU. Get your H started now. You will lag for awhile but that is no excuse for you to lag for long.

Get your H doing this so that he has the support he needs to help you through this period. For the first 6 months and often longer the BS has to carry the freight and it can be hard after being betrayed. Your turn will come. Be prepared.

Hope something I have said will help. I know you are getting a lot of information fast, but my hope is that you will gradually assimulate it, and also pass it on to your H.

God Bless,

JL

Most of these are really all excellent posts. One can learn a lot from them. I really should learn a lot myself... and these help so much, because they are so constructive. They teach you the beauty and importance of marriage. So thank you from someone else (me), who has a lot to learn on these issues.
It sounds like Janelle has excellent advice, and if you hold tight, you will manage, and it will be worth it!

Janelle, JustLearning has given you some excellent advice and I hope you take it to heart.

Let me focus on a few things you have written for a minute, because part of getting through Withdrawal feelings and into Recovery efforts will require that you really begin to understand what is going on and the dynamics involved. So let's review and comment on a few of your statements.




First point: There is NO "peaceful resolution" to Adultery. Someone IS going to get hurt...that's a simple Cause and Effect effect equation.

The CHOICE you have to make is WHO is going to get hurt as a result of your previous choices (i.e., to commit adultery as the answer to how to deal with your marital problems).

THE problem you are having in this area is very common and very simple; you still place the OM's feelings ahead of your husband's feelings. The PAIN that the OM may be feeling is nothing compared to the pain of betrayal that your husband is feeling, so WHO is feeling the "greater pain?" That there IS pain is a given.

The question it would seem is who is "deserving" of the pain they are feeling, the OM or your husband?

The OM knew quite well that you were married and he chose to have an affair with you for HIS OWN reasons, to GET what HE wanted from you. Nevermind all the "oh you poor thing to have had to put up with such a husband" sorts of talk. That sort of talking is designed to drive a further wedge between you and your husband and to further the OM's chances of stealing you away for himself. Adultery, both yours and his, IS a very selfish, self-centered, CHOICE that is almost always based in putting "feelings" ahead of love, commitment, and rational thought.

Second point: The "emotional roller coaster" the OM is feeling? Pardon me for this, but I am a Betrayed Spouse who has gone through the absolute crapola of a wife more concerned about the feelings of the OM rather than the feelings of a husband who may have been "short" and "insensitive" to some of my wife's emotional needs, and who was not getting many of his own emotional needs by his wife, BUT who did NOT choose adultery as the "answer to the 'needs fulfillment' question."

Either divorce your husband and let him get off the ride of YOUR choosing, or fully commit to your marriage and to doing what is necessary and needed to HAVE a successful recovery with your husband. In other words, rather untasteful words I know, so forgive me for this, either do the dirty business or get off the Crapper and flush the waste and get busy with the tasks of the day that need to be done.

Third point: It gets "easier" when you begin to consider your husband's feelings ahead of your own and especially ahead of the OM who DOESN'T BELIEVE IN FIDELITY IN MARRIAGE. What would make you think that the OM would remain faithful to YOU even if you divorced you husband and married the OM? He has already proven to you that he has no respect for the sanctity of marriage, and you are "feeling bad" about hurting him and not feeling devastated for the pain and anguish you have caused your husband?




Of course it's "hard." Of course you don't "feel" as strong a connection with your husband as he does with you. You had A LOT of time to think about, plan, and execute adultery as the way to get the "connection" you thought you wanted. You tossed out Fidelity and embraced Infidelity. You chose to NOT believe your wedding vows and chose to "blame" your husband for "making you have an affair."

You see, we've heard all of this sort of stuff over and over again from virtually every Wayward Spouse.

So you want to "flip a switch" and arrive at "Recovered" before taking the long journey of "Recovery." It doesn't work that way anymore than wanting to be a mother eliminates the need for the pregnancy and the birthing process. It takes time, purpose, work, patience, and endurance.

If you are serious about recovery and wanting to rebuild the feelings you once had with your husband, even to build a better more loving marriage with your husband, then know that it CAN be done. I'll put myself up as one example of a "successful recovery." But I'm also going to be "brutally honest" with you on THE one most important aspect of recovery for you, and especially for your husband, there MUST be No Contact for any reason with your Other Man for the rest of your natural life. THAT is a consequence of adultery and a requirement for recovery that is the reinstitution of THE most sacred promise in a wedding vow...."Forsaking all others and keeping myself only unto you....until death do us part."



I understand your husband's desire to move forward quickly. In some areas you can, but you and he need to know that recovery from such a huge trauma as adultery takes, on average, two years. You are both at the very beginning of the journey, but there IS a light at the end and it is NOT a train coming at you, it is the light of refound friendship and love with someone you can share your life with.


As you go through this recovery process, let me recommend another book for the two of you to read, once you understand what Emotional Needs are and their importance individually and maritally. That book is called Magnificent Marriage, by Gordon MacDonald.

It tells both of you how you CAN have a Magnificent Marriage and would be a "good read" as you are both struggling with struggles that come from adultery and need knowledge and information to help you in your recovery efforts.

God bless.

P.S. In case you were wondering, the hardest part of Withdrawal from the OM will last, usually, about 2 to 4 weeks. That does NOT mean that it will be "over," but that you will get to the point where "it" is not on your mind 24/7 and you can focus on recovery efforts.

Janelle,

I usually will only have time to catch up on weekends, because my job is hectic and stressful and pretty much nutty as he//.

What you're about to find out is that there are two tracks of recovery: yours, and his.

Yours will involve withdrawal from the OM, about 2 to 4 weeks, and the guilt from the pain you caused the OM - initially. That will shift to the realization of what an idiot you have been, and the fog will begin to lift, and you will see that you caused havoc and pain and devastation to the life of your BH. If reality sets in and you work to lose the rose-colored glasses, you will see the OM for what he really was, a man set on getting what he wanted, with total disregard for what he left in his wake. Not much of a catch after all. To be married to that type of ego doesn't bode well for what he would do to you, if you got in between him and what he wanted.

As the fog lifts, you will find yourself guilt-ridden, ashamed, and wondering what happened in your mind to allow you to make such stupid and terrible decisions. You might tell yourself "it just happened" or some other reason, but in reality you will search for reasons for your behavior and work to figure out why you allowed yourself to foresake your own morals and values and turn to the venue of infidelity for relief of what you needed in your marriage.

You will then turn to your husband and realize how much you really do love him, how much you always have, and then the question will hit you,

"How will he ever forgive me?"

And it is then that you will seriously begin the work to make the marriage truly what it needs to be. What it could have been in the first place.

Because when you said that before the affair, you tried to work on it, and it was one-sided, I'm willing to bet that the way you worked on it wasn't the way you will work on it now.

I'm willing to bet money that the way you worked on it before was to try to get HIM to change.

Now, you will see that you can't get him to change. The only person you can change is YOU.

And by changing your own behavior, you CAN effect change in the marriage. And, oddly enough, change in HIM. Because when you change how you act and react, he also changes how he acts and reacts.

MB will help you figure out what you contributed to the problems, and what you can do within yourself to improve. It should lead you to analyze what you do in your relationship with your husband to build love, trust, respect, togetherness, intimacy, and all the other things that make for a truly great marriage. It should also help you BUILD those things together, if you follow the principles and work on the relationship as a team.



The recovery track for your BH is different. Right now, he is scrambling to hold on to you - to save the marriage from crumbling, because he KNOWS it can be held together.

But the time is coming when he will ask very similar questions to those YOU have asked here:

Have I made the right choice? How can I go on when this person has caused me so much pain? Can there be a peaceful resolution to this? How long will this pain last? Can I ever stop thinking about this?

And he will go through stages of grief: Shock, denial, anger, acceptance.

There will be a rollercoaster for him. He will not trust you, and you will feel like he is watching your every move. He will cry over things he never would have before. He will seem to forget things, or be in a distant fog. He will ask the same questions about details of your affair over and over and over again.

He might sit quietly for hours staring blankly.

He might seem okay for a few days, and then be really angry with you for no apparent reason.

While watching a movie and everything is going fine, a random thing might trigger memory of the affair, and he will become despondent or upset - even a year from now.

He will need you to understand all of this and more. He will need your patience, and your love.

You will need to dig down inside of yourself, because there is love there for your husband. You are NOT cheating on the OM to find that love. The OM was poison, but that poison has not killed the roots of the love you have for your husband - you will find that out soon enough.

There will be many days ahead of you to help your husband through this. Come and post here, because you will need the help. When he is ready, if he ever needs the help, tell him we are here too.

SB

How true..... poison and in fact a lying POS.

ForeverHers, thank you for your words today. I needed to hear them. For the first time I felt true and deep remorse for how I have hurt my husband. I'm starting to see the OM in a different way now, and I think I have turned a corner. I was able to tell my husband how sorry I am for how I've hurt him, and start seeing my actions in their true light.

Thanks for all who responded. I'm so glad that I decided to come here and get some help and feedback. All of this has just been running around in my own head for so long. It's good to get an objective viewpoint.

Just to give a little more background, I met the OM on an 8 day European tour. He lives in another state, other than the time we were together on the trip,our affair has been via e-mail and a few phone calls other than 2 days that he came to my town. This definitely helps with not being able to see him.

I feel like a lot of progress was made today through tears and talking. Sometimes I think that I'm going to have to cry a certain amount of tears before this can all get out and be healed.

Again, thank you all for your honest and forthrightness. I needed to hear the truth about what I'm doing, and be pulled out of the sugar coated fantasy world I've been living in the last 3 months. I'm sure I'll be back as I continue along this road.

Janelle,

You've been receiving advice from the best and I have nothing to add.

But I want to assure you that you are not alone. Many have been in your shoes and, with the help of God and these MB forums, are surviving and even thriving.

You said:


I've endured a similar situation from a different perspective.

After basically living separate lives for over 30 years with little or no emotional intimacy, I was at the point of wanting to get a divorce but could not do it until I had a Biblically justifiable reason. My husband seemed to like his independence and our absence of conversation after 30 years of constant bickering decreased the arguments~~~~~no talk = no fights!

When he had a 3 month affair, I finally had my reason to kick him out and I was actually relieved.

But as you'll see in my story attached to my sig line below, I changed my mind and we are on our road to recovery. I found the man of my dreams in my own bedroom. No, I am not thankful for his betrayal, but I am grateful for the wake-up call it represented in our lives.

I didn't see if/where you have children. If so, they could be a helpful factor in your attempts to de-fog. Our DS25 actually challenged us to "not take the easy road and quit, but to fight for our family."

So we did and we continue and I'm thankful for his challenge or we'd be divorced by now.

Best wishes to you and I'm glad you are seeking help on MB.

Ace

Janelle,

Glad to hear the fog is lifting.

When the light of day reaches your eyes, you will be able to help your husband more.

How is he doing?

Have you told him about this website yet?

The two of you working together and reading the information here could make progress.

Recovery is so hard. There are days when you feel like that rollercoaster is just smooth sailing, and other days that you just wish the guy running it would STOP!!!!

But there's not a way to stop it.

Hang in there. Let us know what you are thinking and feeling.

When you get the urge to call or email OM, call your husband. Spend the time working on the REAL relationship in your life - make the REAL man the fantasy: because he is. He's the one who sees you when your hair is sticking out in all directions, your make-up is crooked, and your eyes are bleary and red.

And he stays.

He knows your bad habits, your weaknesses, your stupidest moments.

And he stays.

He has seen you dressed in the worst looking thing you own, has seen you sweaty and dirty, and crying like a baby.

And he stays.

Remember him.........HE IS THE REAL MAN.

You still love that man.

Dig deep.

Sit closely to him, and look into his eyes. Touch him. You will remember that you love him - give yourself that gift.

SB

Schoolbus, thank you for your post. You are so right about everything you said. I have thought those same things - that he has been here for me through thick and thin, that he has seen me at my worst and still loves me.

Things are continuing to go well. I have maintained NC since I posted last. Today was a hard day. Some days are much easier, and others are hard. I really wanted to write to the OM, to touch base, to get a fix for my addiction. I came here and read about the heartache of some of the BS's here. I don't want to do that to myself or my husband. I know I must maintain NC. It is the key to getting through this.

My feelings are returning, but some days it's hard when my H seems to feel so much more than I do. I don't want to hurt his feelings and make him feel like things are one sided. I do love him still, but it is taking time for the feelings to build.

My H was able to share with me how he feels about the OM - his anger and feelings that I am comparing him to a fantasy world and a fantasy situation that is not real life. I was able to reassure him that I wasn't doing that. That I realized what we experienced was all the best of each other, not the normal day to day stuff that is reality.

I feel like I'm becoming reattached to him, that my heart is opening again. He has been so good to me, so loving and forgiving and doing all he can to make me feel loved. I know that he is the man I owe all my loyalty and love to, and I am working towards that. It's just hard some days. I miss the OM and wish I could just say hi and find out how he's doing. I know I can't do that. I feel like on the one hand I am grieving a terrible loss, and on the other I know I am so lucky to have a man who loves me so much and is standing by me through all of this. I know I put myself into this situation, and the only way through it is to go through the pain and heartache and loss. I know there is joy on the other side. I've seen and experienced some of it already. I am committed to making my marriage work, and I have a good man who is standing by my side through all of this.

Someone had asked if I have children, and I do. I have 3 kids, ages 17, 15, and 12. Every day that I look at them and see them happy and well adjusted, feeling that their world is safe, I know I made the right decision. I want them to respect and look up to their mom, and thinking about what I almost did to them makes my heart sick. I am so thankful I came out of the fog when I did, before I did irreparable damage. Thank you to all who have responded to my post. I feel like the day I came here was a turning point for me. I am so thankful for all those that took the time to write to me with honest and frank words. I'll update when I have anything major to report.

Janelle,

When you get the urge to contact OM, call your H. Let contact with your H substitute for the feelings for OM and gradually you will find that contacting your H will become a very important part of your life again.

You mentioned your children and their need for a safe home. I couldn't agree more. But, they need more than that, and it is something that you and your H can give them. You can teach them how a good relationship works. If you and your H will start to use the principles here: Harley's four rules, the policy of joint agreement and the policy of radical honesty (not brutal honesty by the way), and begin to comprehend the concept of needs you two will TEACH your children some very important lessons.

Think about that for a moment. You have an OPPORTUNITY to do some very power and good things. Consider taking advantage of it.

God Bless,

JL

Janelle

you sound like you are doing great. Expect a rollercoaster, with less 'downs' in time. I have ben where you are with kids same ages. I almost destroyed them by my actions and now we have been able to show them a way thru the devestation of an A (OM was a good friend of our kids as well, just to make things really awful).

Look at your family, cherish your H, HE is the MAN. He is your rock, anchor to him. You will make it and its so worth it.

God Bless

Mrs K