Yes you ARE.

You sound very strong today and that is good. You have learned alot about yourself and as G-d keeps revealing his plan to you, I just believe that you will be blessed in ways beyond which you can't imagine.

I am very happy for you that you are able to see the blessings of this or find some sense of a new life and happiness and understand what a good person you are. How you have held your head up and kept to your convictions just shows was a servant to G-d you are.

Being involved in your DD's life the way you are is the greatest gift you can give her for the rest of your life and that is HUGE. It's also nice to hear some peace coming into you.

It is amazing how G-d has turned this into something so good so far. You and I are blessed with so much more right now because we walked through the pain and valley of darkness and sought G-d.

I'm very honored to know you and watch these changes happening for you.

You sound so much happier, my friend. So much more grounded and sure of yourself.

I am glad you have come to the realization that your life is "full" without her. You have to make your own happiness.

Hope everything with the evaluation goes your way. If it works out for you I will probably contact you for the person that you used. We are getting ready to start the process of filing for full custody again.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

GC.. my lawyer seems to rate these people very highly. He says in the experiences he's had with them, they are very fair, very thorough, and put in a very well thought out recommendation.

Beyond his endorsement I cannot say, my only experience was a 15 minute conversation with the woman on the phone, and my gut tells me she's a good woman who will do her best to make the right recommendation.

I'd rather discuss the specifics offline but she did send me a list of everything she does during the eval, and I think some of these things would certainly benefit your case.

Ok.. well, new update today as this seems to have become something of a personal journal..

DS had his followup Dr appointment yesterday at 3. I arrived at the Dr office first and waited for about 10 minutes. WW, WB, and DS arrived, and DS came over to me and we played a bit in the waiting room while WW signed in.

WW and WB chatted about her work, guess there's someone new at work for her to complain about.. seems like there's always -someone-.. but I just kept playing with DS. Completely ignored WB. It did strike me as a bit funny though how the entire premise of her uninviting me to DS's birthday party was how 'uncomfortable' DS would be having WB and I in the same place.. DS didn't seem uncomfortable at all.. he just came to dad and played. My kid's pretty smart but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out whose focus is on you, rather than themselves.. and that person is obviously who you're going to want to be close to.

Anyhow.. WB waited out in the waiting room while WW, DS, and I went back to talk to the Dr.. just a followup appointment and a wellness checkup for DS, and he's doing pretty good all told, and doesn't seem to be showing any residual signs of the ick that has been going around.

WW on the other hand has supposedly been sick for the last month now, or so she said, and was also there with something having to do with her 'birth control'.. so either she's having problems with it, or it didn't work... honestly I'm not triggered, just thought it was interesting since she made a big deal about not wanting me there for her consultation and looked really uncomfortable discussing what it was about with the nurse before the Dr came in.. just goes to show once again that the truth will come out.. and of course that she knows deep down that she's not doing right.

I took DS out of the exam room as the Dr got started with WW, because frankly I didn't think a birth control discussion was appropriate for a 3 year old.. and went out the waiting room. WB just sat there as DS and I ignored him and played a bit. After a few minutes he went back to the exam room, and they talked for another 5-10 minutes back there while I played with DS in the lobby. Once they came out I was ready to go before I blurted out something I'd regret, and DS was practically begging to go home with me. I promised him that I'd pick him up from daycare on Tuesday and that we'd have some time to spend together. I left him with WW and exited, telling her 'Hope everything comes out alright'... was kicking myself for that, but then kinda chuckled about it on the way home.

I got a VM from FIL last night too.. he's all set to move and so my communication with him will be spotty at best in the meantime. Hopefully I'll get to actually talk to him before he leaves.

Spoke with SIL on the phone last night too, it was my nephew's birthday and I had gotten the ecard out a little late in the afternoon and wanted to make sure he got it. I'm not sure exactly how it happened but the conversation devolved into SIL's anger at WW.. the pain in her voice and her tears really touched my heart and I realized just how I was only a few months ago.. sobbing and just wanting to stop the pain... the self blame.. all of it. My heart really goes out to her.

I've been praying, fasting, and making my walk with God deeper every day. I'm finding peace and joy again in my life, and I think I'm once again becoming the person I was meant to be.

One way or another I'm going to make it.

T-minus-6 days until initial meeting with the evaluator.. got lots of little stuff to do around the house and DD is going to keep me busy all week with swimming stuff too.. going to be fun!

Jamesus, I know I'm new around here but I just want to say that your story is such an inspiration to me right now. I just hope that I can continue to grow in my own walk with God and come to the place with Him that you are now. You have turned your life over to the right place and this once again proves how faithful He is to all of us in our times of need.

Thank you for sharing!

And yet so silent about smoking...

Thanks for stopping in Balin.. I've looked at your sitch a few times but you're getting great advice there.

Keep your eyes on God my friend.. I know without a moment's hesitation that not keeping God at the center of my marriage is one of the huge things that led us astray.




GC..

I'm afraid I don't understand the comment... Only thing about smoking yesterday was Dr asking WW if she smoked -again-.. and she said no.

He didn't ask me.. I could have said no too..

Of course.. I'm more finely tuned to WW's lies.. and she didn't have a moment's hesitation when the Dr asked how much milk DS had been drinking to say 'Oh he gets 4 cups a day at home.'...

Now listen folks.. I might take some flak for this.. I make sure my boy has a full glass of milk with meals... but there is no way you'd ever get that boy to drink 4 cups a night without giving it to him intraveniously...

What can I say.. the kid loves his juice.. and he likes Sprite as a treat.. besides, milk and spaghetti-o's I don't think are what the Dr quite intended.

Just making sure yer on the wagon dude.

Hey James

Checkin in with you friend. You sound really good.

Just a question -- nothing to do with WW (isn't that novel? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />) -- are you going through RCIA now to get baptized and/or confirmed in the Catholic church this Easter? I remember you mentioning earlier in your thread that you were thinking of doing that.

Anyway, you are always in my prayers.

Smartie

I would love to have the information the evaluator gave you if you think it could help us. OW is still denying us our visitation and quit her job last tuesday and actually told me on the phone that she did it because she was tired of all the time we were getting with OC. Smart girl, huh.

Anyway, after your evalutation let me know if you still feel they would help us and we will figure out a way to communicate the info off the site.

Thanks for your help. Will pray all goes well for you.

GC.. thanks for lookin out, I appreciate it. Week 2 was by far the hardest so far.. now we're on to week 4 I think? yeah.. Oh well.. not consumed thinking about it anymore I guess.


Smartie.. I plan to start RCIA after the Easter Vigil, when the person SIL is sponsoring will have her confirmation (I think).. I'm hoping SIL will agree to sponsor me.

I still maintain though that I don't require a formal set of classes to follow God, but I would like to receive all the benefits of 'membership' as it were.. so I still plan on doing it.


Guided: Will do.. warning though, the eval might take a while.. she's going to be talking to a lot of people before making her recommendation.. she's -very- thorough... or so I'm told, and the information she sent to my L seems to support this.



UPDATE TIME:

On a bit of an emotional high today..

Not sure if I mentioned before or not but WW and I swapped days this week so I got DS last night from daycare around the usual time (give or take due to incliment weather).

We went and picked up DD from swim practice and then went off to eat at one of DS's favorite restaraunts. Just after our food was brought to us the phone rang. Well, because we were eating I of course ignored it.. phone beeped and someone had left a VM.. I figured I'd get to it once we were done eating, but about 10 minutes later the phone rang again.. well, once again I'm not in the business of answering the phone when I'm eating with my kids. Then.. a few minutes later it rings AGAIN... and it's WW.. so I answer.

She said she just wanted to know if I wanted to keep DS last night because she didn't want to go out, and didn't want him out in the weather.

Of course I said I'd be more than happy to, and would have his clothes washed and ready for her when she picks him up on Sunday this weekend.

She asked to speak with DS, but DS wanted none of it.. I tried a couple of times but ended up having to tell WW I'd have him call her back later.

Now DS was acting a little crabby and tired up to this point, and his teacher mentioned that he'd been very obstinent lately, and asked me to have a word with him about it. So I kinda chalked it up to some of the normal grieving stuff DS is going to go through with all this, particularly with some of the stuff his daycare teacher said he'd been saying at random lately... I can tell all this is -really- starting to get to him, and he's indicated to me several times that he's not at all happy with his situation right now... I've to this point been trying to reinforce with him that mommy and daddy are doing the best they can right now, but we'll see how things turn out... and pretty much left it at that.

Anyhow.. once the news broke to DS that he was going to get to stay with Dad tonight.. you should have heard him hoop and yell and jump up and down like it was Christmas all over again. Did my heart real good... so we did the pre-separation weekday routine at home after dinner, and I got to do the weeknight shower, storytime, and bedtime thing agian.. but what was even better, was getting to wake him up this morning and get him ready for daycare... I've MISSED THAT SO MUCH.. such a little mundane thing that I used to take for granted that I got to do again today.. it might seem like a small thing to many of you.. but to my heart it was HUGE..

I got to hug him and kiss him goodbye this morning at daycare.. got to drive to work with a smile on my face having gotten to spend the morning with my little guy.. it was SO NICE..

But now I'm sad again.. triggered a little because I know it probably won't happen again at least until this eval is done... Keep praying for me folks, and for DS.. He seemed so happy and proud to have his dad be the one to drop him off..

Anyhow.. it was nice.. and I've been thanking God all morning for the blessing of terrible weather.

So next time you complain about the snow and ice.. remember, it might just be God helping a dad get more time with his son..

James, you wrote this on Rin's thread. Can you elaborate for me please.

Thank you

Be happy to elaborate Queenie, and especially as our situations are so similar, I'll try my best to keep the context open for both of us.

Basically the reference Rin made was within the story of Exodus, and it's one I've run into several times in my devotionals the past couple of weeks, so it's struck a chord with me.

I'm sure you're fairly familiar with the story itself, after escaping Egypt the Israelites found themselves lost in the desert/wilderness. Now they had SEEN the wonderous power of God, and had given Him praise and glory for their deliverance.. but in time, and once hardship came into their lives they BLAMED God.. and Moses.. saying it would have been better to remain slaves than to hunger and thirst in the desert.. they built an altar and an image of a bull to which they worshipped.. they FORSAKE God, their deliverer even knowing that the first of Moses' law was to have no other gods.. but God..

God was angry.. after all he had been tested, and SHOWN them His power, his mercy, his deliverance from oppression and THIS was the gratitude they showed for Him? He told Moses that he was going to heap his vengeance upon them, but Moses interceeded with God, and begged Him for mercy upon His chosen people.. and God relented in his anger.. and then we have the story of God having been put to the test, proving himself to Israel once again in the wilderness.. telling Moses to take his staff, and strike the rock, and from the rock drew water to sate the thirst of the wandering Israelites.. but having been put to the test, God did not pass this generation into the promised land.. for they did not give themselves to Him completely, and their hearts were hardened and selfish.

Exodus 32: 7 - 14
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

7 And the LORD said to Moses, "Go down; for your people, whom you brought up out of the land of Egypt, have corrupted themselves;
8 they have turned aside quickly out of the way which I commanded them; they have made for themselves a molten calf, and have worshiped it and sacrificed to it, and said, `These are your gods, O Israel, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt!'"
9 And the LORD said to Moses, "I have seen this people, and behold, it is a stiff-necked people;
10 now therefore let me alone, that my wrath may burn hot against them and I may consume them; but of you I will make a great nation."
11 But Moses besought the LORD his God, and said, "O LORD, why does thy wrath burn hot against thy people, whom thou hast brought forth out of the land of Egypt with great power and with a mighty hand?
12 Why should the Egyptians say, `With evil intent did he bring them forth, to slay them in the mountains, and to consume them from the face of the earth'? Turn from thy fierce wrath, and repent of this evil against thy people.
13 Remember Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, thy servants, to whom thou didst swear by thine own self, and didst say to them, `I will multiply your descendants as the stars of heaven, and all this land that I have promised I will give to your descendants, and they shall inherit it for ever.'"
14 And the LORD repented of the evil which he thought to do to his people.


Psalms 106: 19 - 23
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

19 They made a calf in Horeb and worshiped a molten image.
20 They exchanged the glory of God for the image of an ox that eats grass.
21 They forgot God, their Savior, who had done great things in Egypt,
22 wondrous works in the land of Ham, and terrible things by the Red Sea.
23 Therefore he said he would destroy them -- had not Moses, his chosen one, stood in the breach before him, to turn away his wrath from destroying them.


This lesson is SO IMPORTANT for us, that Jesus taught it several times over to his Disciples.. the story of Thomas, but I think it's illustrated so profoundly in Matthew 14. Queenie, I know typically when you read about Jesus you replace it with God.. so I'm not too worried about the point here being lost on you.. same thing applies of course.. it's the meaning of the lesson Christ was trying to teach that is important here.

In this story Jesus is walking on the sea toward the boat. He is going to join the disciples, who had "left the shore earlier.” The disciples see the form on the water and think it is a spirit. Jesus calls out, calming their fears. Peter, the impulsive one, asks Jesus to prove that it is really He by bidding him to come to Him. Jesus calls him. Peter steps out in faith to go to Jesus.

Peter, realizing what is happening says, "Hey, look at me. I am walking on water!" That's when he makes his mistake. He looks at himself instead of keeping his eye on the Saviour.

"Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death." I don't know who said this, but it doesn't matter. FAITH and FEAR cannot live together. It is impossible.

Peter did great while he kept his eyes on Jesus. When he realized what he was doing; then he saw the waves. He panicked. They began to swallow him.

Now let's go one step further. When Peter saw the waves and started to sink, he called out to Jesus. That was his redemption. Even though he took his eyes off Christ and began to sink, he renewed his faith by calling out to the Lord. He put his faith once again in the One who he knew could save him.

The third point of this story is that Christ was there, ready to help. Would he have saved Peter if he had not called? I am sure He would have. But I am glad Matthew recorded this story this way. God wants US to call on Him.

Not that we get to complain about snow and ice too much down here in Texas, but when I read this James, it made me tear up. You just never know what's going on behind the scenes do you? Thanks for the reminder.

((((PM))))

Seems to be a common theme with me this week <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sometimes our circumstances can seem overwhelming to us in the moment, but I believe that God doesn't want us to suffer, but sometimes allows it so that He can bring from it a greater good.

The roads didn't even get that bad by the way.. and we had another warning of doom and gloom ice and snow for the weekend, which seems to have missed us.. which is GREAT because I can keep on with my weekend plans for DS, DD, and I <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God's always at work in our lives.. sometimes I just need a reminder to listen and look rather than taking the veiled blessings for granted.

Maybe I'll take some flak for this.. but lately, I've been thanking God every day for the hardship in my life.

Why?

Because I've rediscovered my relationship with Him through it.. and I see blessings in my life EVERY DAY now.. even though the world would look at my situation and see only pain and suffering.

I see God.

Thanks Jamesus,

Your words of G-d and Mark's always bring so much comfort to me. I'll print this off and read it when I get home tonight.

Have a great weekend.

Had a wonderful weekend with the kids, DD did really well at the invitational swim meet this weekend, and her team came in 5th overall.

DS had a good time at the meet too, and met up with one of his best friends from daycare (turns out his friend's mom is one of the coaches for our community swim club, and we're going to try to get some playdates together for the kids).

We even had occasion to do our super good deed for the weekend and saved a couple of dogs from playing near the highway and returned them to their owner who was an older lady who lived a few blocks from our house.

Overall was a good weekend.

Now though I ask all of you who frequent my thread to please pray for me today and especially this evening as the evaluator is making her first visit to my home. I think everything is all set, and I think it'll make a good first impression... I just need the Lord's guidance to do and say the right things that I need to say to get DS home where he belongs.

That's great Jamesus, its the first step toward you getting more time with your son!

I think all you'll have to say is the truth, that should be sufficient.

Whatever you do, do NOT badmouth your WS as a mother to the evaluator. It will just be viewed as sour grapes. Your abilities as a father will shine through without that. I'll be praying for you today James! Please come back and let us know how it went.

I am just getting ready to say my prayers and morning meditation now. Your timing is perfect.

You have truth, honesty, commitment to your family, all of us, and most importantly G-d on your side.

PM is right, keep it positive and upbeat as best as possible. You are a great dad, this will come naturally to you.

Keep us posted.