I have been divorced now for quite some time. I received permanent alimony and child support for 3 children. I went back to school and graduated in June and started my new job in july. While I had an increase in pay, I am also now receiving bills for the school loans and the home equity line I took to help me get through last year that I couldnt work as I was in a stressful full time clinical rotation.

In March ex filed to drop all child support and in june order was ammended to retain child support for my daughter for 1 more year while she finishes college.

From the time of filing until June, ex did not pay any money as he was waiting for court determination, and as of june, the alimony/support now gets sent to me though probation.

From march til june however, still falls for me to somehow collect. He owes me 3000$ for this time period. X doesnt deny he owes me this money but I have not seen any effort to give me even $100

I have to have 1500 root canal and I called him to ask him again for the money. 2 times I called and got his voice mail, so I just hung up..no message. the 3rd time I called I left a short message that said I needed at least half the money as I need to pay for root canal, it has now been over 6 months and if he isnt going to pay me I am going to have to seek help from the court.

He frequently goes on vacations, has bought a couple of timeshares since the divorce, bought a large house with his new wife with a pool that requires how much money in pool chemicals, frequently hosts crab and shrimp dinner parties??

I am living in the cottage marital home, which had significant amount of damage from neglect (from alcoholic ex and from ex's destructive abuse..holes in walls and broken windows). and, being a single mother and homeowner I have been doing very well taking care of it. Making repairs a little at a time.

I have been frugal and have made repairs myself and with the help of friends. I still have alot to do but I dont want to do it with credit, so some things are on hold for now.

What I am saying is, I have been trying to make good choices on my own and I think I am succeeding.

Now, I opened my email and I find nasty letter from EX's new wife.

She sent this letter to my children as well as to my ex brother in law & wife (who I was always real close with)

my Ex sis in law (who I was never close with)
and ex sis in law's adult children who I havent seen in 7 years

Text is below


"This is a plea to anyone who can lend Dawn xxxxxxx some money. I cannot take her harassing calls to my husband any longer. She calls constantly saying she needs money and he owes her and she is going to take him to court etc........If anyone can loan her money on XXX's behalf please do so and I will make arrangements to pay you back. You can contact Dawn by email or phone ######## to see how much money it will take for her to stop calling. XXX has no more money!!! He is tapped out. They deduct 1600 dollars a month from his pay check that goes straight to XX which only leaves him enough money to pay half the mortgage. I pay everything else! The elect, gas, cable, groceries, vacations, timeshares, phone, gas to get to work...etc. This is why I do not have any extra. However, knowing this is not good enough for xxx. This week she has called and threatened him with going back to court for more money. It has been 3 years since xxx has not been in that home yet she still continues to make him suffer for his choices as much as possible. If it were me I would want to be an independent woman taking care of myself. Which was what she started to do by going back to college and getting a better job. So her income has increased, XX's has decreased, and she has support from her man ***. XX has provided for her and the kids his whole life and worked two jobs.... However, he is now getting old. He will be turning 52 and the constant work and long hours have taken a toll on him physically. He needs a hip replacement, back surgery and surgery on both his feet. He has not gotten any of this taken care of because of his worries to pay XX. Yesterday, on his lunch break he was looking for a third job to make sure she gets every penny owed her. The problem is that when they were divorced he was working a second job four nights a week....They have cut his hours in the past two years to one night sometimes two nights a week. It is totally unfair for him to try and tackle a third job at the age of 52...IF HE HAD THE MONEY HE WOULD GLADLY GIVE IT TO HER. What amazes me is that XX is engaged for quite some time now but still cannot move on with her life. XX has also taken out two loans already because he got behind in his payments and when they went to court a couple months ago, he needed to be caught up... Therefore out of his pay check are payments toward two pension loans that both were sent to XX.... Any help would be appreciated she is really a heartless person who would love to see XX suffer the rest of his life. When he left he took nothing with him but 3 pairs of clothes. He left her with everything when most of it was purchased on his income. I just can't believe how mean XX is and we are now at the point if we have to down size and sell our home then that is what I will do before my husband works another Job. I am not materialistic and we have been more than willing to get along with XX. We have invited her to our home several times and tried to be as kind to her as possible. Yet she continues to put a strain on the whole family.....Enough is enough..... and XX if you feel you need to take him back to court then do so...and let God be the Judge on the intentions of your heart...............XX"



This letter is filled with lies, the only thisng of value he left behind was the lawn tractor which was purchased without my knowledge with income tax check..which was half mine anyway. I worked full time as well, so how was everything purchased with his income?

He also took out loan from pension AFTER we were separated, supposedly to pay for his divorce lawyer. At the divorce..I was required to pay half of the pension loan!!! So,Lawn tractor did not even balance that out.

He took all his stuff..not just 3 sets of clothes and in fact had been through the whole house before I was even home from work..didnt even know he was leaving..and had everything of his emptied out including him when I got home. All he left was a note.

I am making plans to marry, but fiance still has 2 years of child support of his own and cant leave his job to move down here until that is done. I RECEIVE NO FINANCIAL support from him. All repairs to the house have been paid for by me.

I took a financial course for single women and am standing on my own

Point is..this letter is filled with lies and was sent with intention of malice.

yes, he does owe me money and I intend to collect every penny of it. Yes he does owe me more than money. He has never apologized for the 26 years of abuse, physical as well as emotional, rape, affair, financial mismanagement and on and on.....


He has never admitted that his drugs and alcohol, legal problems from DUI's and $$$$$$spent in car accidents, MV fines and insurance surcharges as well as drug induced poor decisions led him to the state he is in now.Were it not for all the fines and legal issues, we could have lived comfortably on his one salary without him having to work the second job. His health problems are also a result of years of drug and alcohol abuse. His back, hip and feet problems are a result of his ballooning weight caused by his drug , alcohol, and food addictions.


I have moved on with my life, although he has never apologized, I am not waiting for it and dont ever expect it. He has to answer for his life to God, just as I have to answer for mine. I am not however going to marry so that he doesnt have to pay me alimony. I will marry when the time is right for ME and my fiance. He lost that ability to influence my decisions when he walked out the door



SO....sorry..long story. I have not responded to new wife over this. However, I think that I should do something. This is like slander to me that she sent this out to people who I no longer have any contact with and she included my email and phone number.

She called me several times back in 2002 at work and had me so upset that I went to the police for her to stop (No order was ever filed, but she stopped because she knew i was serious)

I have been to their house 2x, for my childrens sake (engagement party) but that was difficult for me and kids knew what that visit cost me emotionally....remember he raped me, who wants to go be entertained at the home of someone who raped you?) I did not speak to either my X or his new wife, I went to meet the my kids future in laws


I know several on here have addressed this issue before, what did you do?????

I live in NJ

Smiles,
Dawn

Hang onto the letter, but don't do anything else.

IANAL, but I doubt if your ex-husband can get out of his legal obligations for child support and/or alimony if someone else loans you money. That doesn't make any sense.

And frankly, none of the rest of the letter makes any difference. It doesn't matter what he left behind when he left, or if he has to take another job, or even whether or not he drinks. He is obligated to pay the money the court ordered him to pay.

So his new wife resents the fact that he has to meet his obligations. So what? She doesn't like it when you ask for the money he owes. Again, so what?

In fact, this letter might even be sort of a hopeful sign. Your ex-husband's new wife is trying to come up with ways that you will get your money. That's a good thing, isn't it?

But like I say, hang onto a copy of the letter, and show it to your lawyer (if you have one), but you don't need to take any other action (besides going to court to get your ex to pay up). And if anybody asks you about it, if you can manage it, you can make yourself look pretty good if you can respond calmly.

So if somebody else says to you, "Gee, your ex-husband's new wife really hates you!" you can respond with something like "Well, I hope you can forgive her for that. She must be under a lot of stress. I certainly have twenty-six years of sympathy with that!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

The more she rehashes all the unpleasant details of the divorce in public (and shows her resentment), and the less you respond, the better you look.

Regards,
rs0522

Thank you rs..

I dont intent to respond to her and a few years ago I would have broken down in tears, but I kind of just laughed it off. But, like I said, I feel what she did is slander and harassment to pass my phone number out like that. her intention is not to get me the mney, it it was to humiliate and embarass me in front of kids and family.

X has been out of home since 10-6-02..5 years, not 3 years. I guess time flies when you are having fun! I didnt mention that she is also 20 yrs younger than X, just a couple of years older than my oldest son! I guess she is just realizing now how "old" he is compared to her

I just faxed the letter to my lawyer to put in file.I had spoken with him last week concerning the 3000$ I cant imagine that X received a letter regarding that as of yet, seems awfully quick, but maybe that is what sparked her letter.

Its amazing what wayward spouses choose to forget... X was warned 6 years ago by many, including his friends and family that to leave me would be an extreme financial hardship on already stretched resources. But the grass is always greener so they say.

I say, choose the high road, you are closer to God that way.

All I have to say about that letter is LOL!!! You should smile every time you read it. Do it with the knowledge that that gold digging HO is having to support the man she thought was her "meal ticket". She shows her youth and immaturity and her limited understanding of the devastation both financially and emotionally that a divorce leaves in its wake. I don't know if she is the OW in your situation but if she is don't waste one minute of time stressing over that letter. The fact that she is lashing out only proves that her rose colored glasses didn't allow her to see this "happy" future. Stick to your guns and get every penny you are entitled to. You deserve it. You should change email addresses so that crazy b*(&^ can't harrass you further. Good luck to you.

Let me get this straight, you are still getting alimony after 5 years?

No wonder they want free of you, and you have the nerve to call HER the gold digger.

Dawn, just laugh it off.
And consider yourself lucky that you get permanent alimony, it is very difficult to get. You were awarded the CS, and it should be paid. It is up to him, not her, to deal with. However, X never did fight his own battles, did he?
Boy, they must resent you not getting married. I'm guessing that stops the alimony.

Hey, did you see the invite to the MB meeting in Albany on 9/22? Think you can make it.

Pariah..first of all I did not call her a gold digger. She is just a HO.

I had a 26 abusive marriage. I left college to help pay legal bills for EX, and yes I stayed in the marriage for whatever reason you may call stupid, but that was what I was raised to believe in.

Make my marriage work at all costs, and it almost cost me my life. While my ex was in drug detox in 2001, I enrolled back in college to finish what I couldnt complete back in 1977. And in 2001, he still did his best to make me fail at that. He left october 2002

OW was married for just 6 months when she started the affair with my husband. she was 27 and my husband was 46. We were married for 26 years, I helped him not only pay legal bills but helped him through college as well.

So yes, I was awarded permanent alimony. You can also think of it as victim compensation as I was beaten and raped as well as emotionally abused. The alimony will end when I marry.

I am planning to marry, as I said above, when the best time is for me..not X's time schedule




P.S. My kids each mailed the Ho and told her never to send them an email again. They are all young adults and know all I went through. I hadnt even mentioned the email to them, I was waiting to see what their response was and they came through and supported me. I am so proud of them

NEWLY!

I would love to come. I had been following the thread awhile back but I have been real busy getting my daughter to college in Florida.

I was just up that way Labor Day weekend. I went to Lake George with my son and his fiance to spend some R&R after taking D to college

I cant make it up there again <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
I have to study for my boards

Yeah? My wife was abusive, physically and emotionally for 11 years. I tried to stick it out and tried everything to make it work.
My wife tried to have me killed for my insurance by the OM.



I am living just fine without "victim compensation". My wife is totally at fault, had abused me terribly, killed my pets, tried to have me killed and you know what?

SHE GOT EVERYTHING!

So you don't need to rely on your ex for support. It's a crutch and a connection that needs to be broken. It's as if it's revenge to you and you are feeding off of it to make yourself feel better.

I know as I want payback for what my abusive wife did to me REALLY bad, but I'm better than that now.

I will win by being successful and enjoying my life.

Every day of it, as every day past the day I got shot is a gift and I refuse to squander those precious days.


Great!

No offense, Pariah, but if the court says she is entitled to alimony, then her ex-husband has to pay it. What happened to you (as awful as it sounds) doesn't affect that.

Just because you had it worse than she did doesn't mean she should let her ex off the hook.

Regards,
rs0522

Pariah,


Quote:
[color:"red"] [/color] "Let me get this straight, you are still getting alimony after 5 years?

No wonder they want free of you, and you have the nerve to call HER the gold digger."

Quote:

[color:"red"] [/color]


I'm sorry for what your wife put you through, but you have to understand that not all women did what your wife did to you.

In my situation, I was married for 20 years, gave up my career to stay home and raise 5 kids and took care of our home so my EX can focus on work and going back to school for his MBA. Two years after he received his MBA he started having an A with my friend. I was granted alimony (5 years) and child support. Do I feel guilty about it? No! Because I earned it! I look at it as a severance pay for the 20 years of marriage that I worked hard on and he chose to throw it away.




Sunrise,

I'm sorry for the ugly letter, but it did provide a good laugh! LOL

My wife tried the alimony crap on me in court.

The judge did refuse because of the cruel treatment and affair, but I still lost everything and will get nothing when this is over.

She actually thinks she EARNED the house that I sunk $130,000 of my blood, sweat and tears into. I had to work 2 jobs to pay for it.

He only gave it to her because she played the child card, so I get to pay for another man's child a place to live while she still gets rewarded for her actions.


I see alimony as severence for a spouse who has no immediate means to support themselves. Not as payback for betrayal. Otherwise I would be entitled to whatever she earns for the next 11 years.

Again, the fact that you didn't get it does not mean that no one else deserves it.

Regards,
rs0522

Pariah:

"I know as I want payback for what my abusive wife did to me REALLY bad, but I'm better than that now.

I will win by being successful and enjoying my life."


When did you have this change of heart??? Your post of just 2 weeks ago are filled with revenge and bitterness


Posted just 2 weeks ago over on Gen Q's II:

"I have let my stbxw find out about my new job, new truck and GF in a roundabout way.


The fact that I am giving another woman the lifestyle she thought she deserved is sweet and OM won't even give her the time of day. The challenge for him is over and the thrill of destroying a marriage is gone, time to move to another one.

I want her to hate me just as much as I hate her."

I am not bitter and I dont want revenge. If I wanted revenge, I would never get married again. I just want what is due me.

I do not know what your sitch is, but as a man in a mans world, I am sure that you had an income of some sort when your marriage broke apart. I was working full time in a substandard paying job with no benefits. My X was abusive and hampered every opportunity for me to advance in any job I took.

He left the house in a disgraceful manner with many repairs that I had to make on my own. and got a real estate friend to overinflate the value of our home for the equitable distribution settlement. . Sure, I had my realtor as well, but the court split the difference so I still had to pay him half of the inflated costs.

That is all water under the bridge, over the dam or whatever..but what is due me is still due. I could care less how many pool chenmicals, toys, vacations he takes, I dont care as long as I get what the court awarded me for and EXTREMELY DIFFICULT 26 years of marriage. I had to go back to college to get the means to support myself, I have a great job now, but I'm not there yet.

I have read many of your posts and I think you are an angry person, consider some anger management or divorce healing courses.

You've been divorced for how long?

I'm still wanting my wife to get it over with, but it has become too expensive for her now.

It wasn't the discard the unwanted pet and everything will just go away sceanrio she thought it would be.

Sure I am angry at what she did to me, I have good days and bad days just like everyone else.

Some of us were awarded certain things and the judge refuses to enforce the order as it would financially devastate the other party.

It's frustrating to say the least.

My ex BIL, with whom I am close called me to lend his support to me in the wake of the email, then called his brother (MY EX) and his new wife to blast them

My kids sent her an email saying she was never to contact them again, and her return was 2 more emails to my kids.

First email was short and starts out with I am sorry..but upon reading it you realize that she is only telling them she is sorry that they dont understand the pain "their father is in" from the stress of my constant harassing.

I called him 3 times..2x I just hung up on his voice mail..3rd time I left a short message asking for the money he owes me so I can pay for my root canal.



The second email was much longer begging them not to shut their father out and extolling his very admirable qualities!!!






and "treat him" the way I do???? I have not had any contact with him whatsoever except for the engagement party and a discussion involving my daughter and her college plans, I had to converse with him and my daughter, but at the engagement party I spent my time talking to my children and my future DIL's family, did not even make eye contact with ex or mrs Ho

and then:

"Nobody wants to be divorced and there are many wounds and scars that develop. In life however, you can continue to let that bitterness control your life or you can opt to forgive, learn and move on to a happier one. I would like nothing more to get along with your mother, and be in the same room without tension."

He is rational and would bend over backwards to help his worst enemy. That is why it is so upsetting to see you mother treat him the way that she does. He would never deliberately make her suffer or not provide for her and that makes me love him even more. That is very admirable

(she forgot the part about raping and beating those he promised to love)


HELLO...She was the one who pressured my ex to get a divorce, she couldnt step away even after my ex sent her a plan A no contact letter

And being in the same room as both of them without tension..not going to happen. My ex raped me..so anytime I am in the room with him there will be tension

She ends by saying she is sorry for saying I am mean and heartless..but has to add that that is the way she feels.

Mean and heartless..I wonder if she knows how my X in his younger years used to roam around the neighborhood collecting peoples pets to throw against walls and watch them die ( I didnt find out about this until we were in marriage counseling)


So, now my lawyer has a copy of all 3 emails.

I so want to respond to her, but for now I will be graciously quiet. That is the way I have handled my encounters with them for the last 5+ years, as hard as it is..that is what I will continue to do. Ill just vent here like the old days LOL

Lots of friends here <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I went to the get together in Dec 2002 (WOW...so long ago!!) Wish I could make this one in Albany

AS frustrated as you are with your situtation, your wife and the above poster are two different people in two different sets of circumstances. She had kids that lived with her. Besides, what she gets or doesn't get is irrelevant to your situation. It's frustrating, yes, but don't be upset at the poster above for it. I am sure she would have rather had a happy and loving marriage than alimony. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />