Hi,

My wife and i have been married for 13 years this month. Virtually a problem free marriage with 2 beautiful daughters. About 2 months ago i hire a friend of mines brother who is single to work for the company i work for. He is living in our basement until his place is ready. My wife would like to go out to the bar with him tonight to play pool and shoot darts while i watch the kids. She says she would be home by 11. I am uncomfortable with this even though i trust her and get along great with him. I guess you could call me old fashioned even though i am 36 and wifey is 39. It just doesn't seem proper for a married woman to go out with a single guy even as friends. If she wanted to go out with her girlfriends (which she does on occasion) i would have no problem with it although i wouldn't want her to stay out all night. I have been out int the past with this guy and he is a good person but i know what a few drinks can do to someone. She keeps throwing it in my face that i get to go fishing and 4 wheeling with my friends on occasion but you know what? none of them are women!! Am i being insecure or are these feelings justified???

No, you are NOT being insecure...and yes, your feelings are very justified.

Why on earth would she want to go out alone with this person and leave you to stay home with the kids? How about you make arrangements to get a babysitter (don't tell your wife first) and then after the babysitter is arranged tell them you are going along too. Her reaction should tell you if anything is going on between them.

It's a BAAAAAAD idea to have a single man living in your home, whether he works with you or not. You need to QUICKLY change the living arrangements.

If she just wants to get out of the house then she can go out with a girlfriend. If she thinks he needs to go out then he can go out with you. She should NOT be going out with him without you. Period. Ever.

BTW, how long has this person been living in your house? Are there ever times when he is there that you are not? Does your wife work or is she home when he is there? How did you guys meet this person (you said a friend's brother, but is he YOUR friend or your wife's friend)?

He has been here 2 months and yes i am always around. He is one of my foreman so i always know his whereabouts during the day. Him and i do go 4 wheeling in the mountains on occasion as well as scouting hunting areas. His apartment will be ready in about 2 weeks. I really do not think anything would ever happen but it makes me feel uncomfortable as i had and ex cheat on me and i caught them in bed about 20 years ago. That suspicion is hard to shake when something like that happens.

So, what did you do? Did you keep the kids and let your wife go out with him alone last night?

How did it go?

BTW, check the boards and read the startling number of affairs between a wayward spouse and the betrayed's best friend. None of them ever thought it would be possible either!

In this case the only way she should go is if you go with her. Get a babysitter and go along.

Great empathy for you and the situation. I would hire a babysitter, find a grandmotherly type so you can have a peace of mind while you are out and wifey would have no objection to this lady, to watch your children then you go out with your wife along with the friend and have fun.

At the same time, tell your friend to start looking for a new place to call home.

Establish a clear communication and boundary with both your wife and your friend - keep the communication clear and open - don't assum thing at the sametime take action to meet both your need and your wife need.

Sometimes one spouse would assum that everything is happy and fine then get hit with a huge surprise of a way ward spouse, so keep the communication alive and get each other needs met.