Wow... you need a lawyer fast.

Do not respond to her but keep the email she sent. Do you have family you can stay with?

Also, consider posting in GQ, there is a lot more traffic and you'd get more responses.

I am not replying to anything.

You Called???

Save that email. Make sure you lawyer see it / has a copy of it. It proves that she wanted you out of the house and can be used in your defense.

BTW: She is NOT the first WW to have pulled this stunt.

NO! I have not called or emailed or anything... in fact I was waiting 500yrds away from the house today @ 2:00 for my police escort so I could grab the rest of my stuff... they never showed. And i was strong (and smart) enough NOT to go there and grab it anyway.

I feel good right now. No one to answer to.... nice feeling. Oh, and Friday I get paid! I don't have to transfer it to the "household" account! That will be strange!

I'm sorry to hear how things have turned out.

Keep that e-mail, and I don't mean just a paper copy. The electronic copy will have Internet headers included that can be used to determine where and when it was sent. If you can prove that she had you thrown of your own home under false pretenses...

Do you have a trusted friend that can snoop on her? Now's the time to gather as much evidence as possible of any A-related activity on her part (unknown men entering/leaving the home, etc).

That email is a smoking gun. She just admitted to filing a false police report in as many words. Get a lawyer now, and get her tossed out of the house. Find out who she is having the affair with. Expose her to all her friends and family.

Move this post over to the GQII forum.

I presume you are moving in with family.

SAVE as much money as you can to fight this thing. Eat Raman noodles and banana's every day so you can save money to fight her.

However...do buy a voice activated digital tape recorder and carry it with you so you can record any conversations she does have with you n the coming months. IF she calls you...you can speak to her (and just maybe get her recorded confessing she filed a false report). What state are you in...this matters because in some states it's illegal to record phone calls without the consent of both parties. Other states it's perfectly legal.

I can almost guarantee you the baby isn't yours and she knows it (won't stop her from trying to make it yours if she thinks she can get more support from you than the real father). I will be interested to see if the baby happens to come out a different ethnicity.

Were you married previously??? What happened??? You don't have to roll over this time. At the very least the court will give you every other weekend and one weekday visitation as long as you seek it and follow through with it. Eventually...when your wife falls apart and you get the fundage necessary to fight for more...you can seek a modification.

Finally...children grow up. At some age they are able to indicate to the court where THEY choose to live or they turn 18 and can have a relationship with whomeever they choose. Your children will not be gone forever no matter what your wife does. Maintain hope for the future...it will get better. Just conduct yourself with dignity and integrity. In the end...YOU WIN, no matter what.

YOU will make it.

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - I'd consider taking the offensive position and filing for divorce first based upon adultery. Her behavior gives ME a 98% certainty she's been or being unfaithful. You have circumstantial evidence indicating the same (her STD and you are clean) which would likely place the burden on her to refute your claim. Your "abuse" charges are separate and the divorce judge will likely see it as a ruse (though they are very hesitant to trust a man charged with abuse because just one mistake will ruin their legal careers...however, they can disregard it when making other decisions...like temporary custody orders). You see...in a divorce petition you MAY be able to seek a temporary custody order within the next two weeks wherein you get visitation with your son. You don't HAVE to wait until December to clear your name...and then await your wife's "allowing" you visitation. You HAVE to seek it yourself and stand up for yourself legally.

I know money is tight....but TRY. Get a second job. Occupy the extra time you have right now making money to build up a legal war chest. It's much better than burrying yourself in self-pity and depression. Your life IS NOT over.

You can request DNA... you may have to cough up the cash for it, but it would be WELL worth it.

Then, if it isn't yours, you out her to anyone you can.

How far along is she?

I think that's a pretty good idea.

First off, have you been tested yet for the clamydia, and what were the results if so?

If you come back clean, like the others said it would be best for you to file first. When you file, mention the fact you guys have had very little sex and that you question the paternity of the child she is carrying. You will want to "strike first" so to speak.

Hopefully she is brazen enough that she will keep emailing you. I doubt she understands the seriousness of what she filed against you and how bad she'll look for contacting you like that.

How do i move this threat over to GQ2?
I thought of filing fisrt too... emotional abuse and infidelity.

I just don't have the $ to file the paperwork though.

I live in NH. i went to go get some things from the house yesterday but the cops weren't available. I waited down the street fromt he house as the restraining order says.... for over an hour. Called the PD and they told me the officer was redispatched to an accident and they didn't know when they'd get to me. So I tried again tonight. 7:30PM.

SHE WON'T LET ME IN NOW.... The way she opened the door ...she was hiding something. I didn't think of it at all untill after the cops made me leave...EMPTY HANDED.

She had that door open just enough to pop her head out the door. What was she hiding???? WHO was she hiding????

There was NO REASON to have me put on a restraining order! I WAS LEAVING ON MY OWN....nice and quiet.

What happened from Sunday afetrnoon traveling to the northern outlet shops as a family til Manday evening after work when she tried to get me to argue with her...and I wouldn't so she calls the cops lying that I hit her?????

my thouhgts now are this. She's terrified of what her father will do when he finds out she was the one that cheated, and this child isn't mine. If I'm gone, and she bad mouths me to her family... I'm ousted and they won't listen to me. I'm gone.... this kid comes out and looks like her and????? if not me... I'm not there to say "See!! That's not my kid!!"

I think she had a 1 night fling and REGRETS it... and is scared that it might not be mine, so better hurry up and get me gone.

Oh... she's 3-4 months along now too.

Cops say don't reply to the emails or phone calls, i'll go to jail if I do. That's bogus!!! SHE puts a RO on ME and then emails me???? talk about trying to set me up.....

I wish i never had that Vegas wedding for $55!!
but....I do love my son, and i would have loved the next one if it was mine..... if it IS mine (highly doubtful now though)

Someone move this thread for me?

oih and the 2nd job thing... already been trying!!
thanks everyone.


I had my test done on Tuesday morning. I shoudl hear back by friday...


Just cuz I'mt he guy doesn't make me the @sshole by defualt!

Get the money. I don't care what family member you have to hit up, do it. Otherwise, you might just lose custody of your child for life. You cannot take that risk. You need to lawyer up now. Otherwise, you are guilty of the charges (in the family court's eyes) by failing to respond to the charges.

Done.

I recommend people slow down.

Turn this around. Say you had gotten a STD. Since you are faithful (and I do believe you are) then you would assume it came from your wife. Then you would assume she had an affair. Just the same process she went through.

Add to that she is pregnant and she feels “your” actions threaten the child’s health and future. Not to mention the hormonal rollercoaster.

Wait for your results for your STD tests before taking this to the next step.

The e-mail is not a smoking gun. All she says she regrets how things ended. Any lawyer will read it as her regretting having had to phone the police.

I did a Google search for “Chlamydia” and “dormant”. I found the following discussion on another forum. http://curezone.com/forums/fm.asp?i=87560#i.
Also see: http://forums.obgyn.net/womens-health/WHF.0309/1359.html

According to the discussion there then this is a known situation. A wife can have dormant Chlamydia that awakens because of the changes (incl lowering of immune system) caused by pregnancy. I don’t vouch for the accuracy of this but I would research this if I were you.

As one that has gone through the pain of infidelity I think we have to be less eager to get people to join our ranks.

yet another email from her today.... 2hours after she refused the civil standby...for the THIRD time!!! Mind you, she's told the police over the phone, yes he can come. When i get there, she changes her mind. To me, this is just her way of trying to keep control. The police have had words with her and she is now in agreement to let me get my things tommorrow morning @ 9:00AM (Probably AFTER she drops my son off to daycare).

The email i got says this...and i'm not sure how to take it.
"notice from Court"
I am sorry to email again.

You need to know that a Notification for Appointment of Counsel arrived today in the mail. If I remember from years past, there is a response that is required by you.

I don't know where you are really staying so I can't forward...I just wanted you to know that I will leave it on the table. When you are here for the Civil Standby in the morning, please remember to take it as I am sure we can not speak.

Let your court appointed attorney know that I would end up being considered a hostile witness for the prosecution.

Your Chiropractor called the house and said you missed your 7:00AM appointment today and they want to know when you want to reschedule.

I would like to have this settled quickly so we can begin to talk about the future, custody and other pertinent items that affect us both.

-----------------
what does that part about hostile witness mean?

I'm an attorney am I'm unsure what she's trying to say about the hostile witness thing.

I THINK she's trying to tell you to tell your attorney that she does not intend to cooperate with the prosecution. She has filed charges against you and they are prosecuting you but...when the court case comes she will NOT cooperate with them. Thus...the prosecution is free to continue to pursue their action against you...using the reports filed that night as evidence but your wife will be considered a hostile uncooperative witness that will HELP you beat the wrap. They CAN still prosecute you this way...but they rarely want to. It's likely they'll drop the case.

However, that is NOT exactly what she wrote. She wrote "for the prosecution" which could be her way of saying she fully intends to testify against you and unlike some/many spouses that calm down and recant (whether they are recanting to protect a REAL abusive partner or not)...she is NOT going to help you out.

I think it's most likely the latter.


As far as her email...awefully casual for a woman that supposedly just got beat down by you and needs protection from you. I love this sentence:




I think...someday, this and hopefully other emails she sends you, when she KNOWS you can't respond will continue with this theme. It clearly demonstrates her true agenda and hope to coerce, by way of false abuse charges, a quick settlement on divorce and custody.

Just stay steady. Even mildly abusive husbands that lose control of their emotions in the heightened drama of a divorce situation (those with no prolonged history of violence or abuse) still get visitation of their children. You didn't do it...but even if you got convicted of it she still can't completely deny you visitation. You merely got to fight.

I did ask you a question earlier about the history of this relationship. I would sincerely help me advise you as you move forward.

Mr. Wondering

I live in New Hampshire, seeing how I've had ample time to talk with the officers every time I get a civil standby, I've learned that even though she has a RO on me, she can still contact me if she feels like it. If I reply in any way however, I'm off to jail until my court date 12/13.


I'm starting to believe this very thing. perhaps her not wanting to feel the wrath of her Retired Military father? He inadvertanly found out our son was not her first born. She gave her first born up for adpotion...a relationship (abusive according to her) that had lasted 10 years. he also had an exwife and 3 kids that my wife took care of...all according to her. Now i'm not so sure what I beleive.

Yes, I was married before, 5 years, 2 great kids. I messed up that marriage. Mended it over the years, but it was never to be again, we divorced amicably however and are still freinds to this day. Though i don't speak with her much at all, if I do it's about our kids together. My current wife tells me there is 100% no reason to speak with her about anything. I'm a horrible man for what I'm about to type next.

My current wife does not like my other children. What bothers me is that she took care of her exboyfriend's 3 kids for 10 years with no problem... why can't she at least accept my 2? So...she doesn't want them in our house every toher weekend. I won't giveup seeing them so i go stay with family every other weekend so she is happy. Problem there is she's not happy. Sunday night when I come home I get drilled, grilled, and deep fried with a million questions of exact details. And if i can't account for the entire accumulated time gone formt he house (ie Friday 5:30PM thru sunday 4:30PM) I get grilled even harder and the accusations fly about how I'm seeing another woman, not really taking my kids every other weeeknd, or (my personal favorite) still in love with my exwife and we go do things as a happy little fmaily every other weekend. My exwife has a live-in boyfriend fromt he very day i left that house.... and my current wife knows this. Heck she even trash talks him!!! So...to avoid the million questions, I've stopped seeing my toher kids...i haven't seent hem in about a year. i talk to them on the phone, but it's not the same.

Luckily, my exwife is nice enough to allow me to start seeing the kids again, though she is worried I will stop...rightfully so. but time will tell that I want to be with my children. I hate myself for allowing what happened. But i will do all i can to undo it. My kids were very happy to see my Tuesday night and i'm going to my son's football game this sunday. I promised him...

I win if I get custody of my son. I was a stay at home day for nearly 18 months of his 25 month life..... it upset her to no end that any time he gets a boo-boo or scared he comes calling to me, not her. i never rub it in her face, not once. It's natural, he and I have spent more time together and he and her... yeah even her and I for that matter....
I miss him so terribly much! i know he's crying every night wondering where I am. and i know she's telling him Daddy's never coming back... i've heaard her tell him Daddy will be leaving soon and never coming back....

My life is NOT over at all... infact, just tongiht i was IMing to co-workers/freinds and i mentioned how stress free is was that i didn't have to "hide the chat window" when she came around the corner... I work in IT, i'm on the computer allthe time. if not doing my job, learning more about it.... but she got this notion that i am chatting with girls.... only did that once... that's how i met her.
Look what that got me!!!!

MR Wondering, thanks for your help and advise. you have settled my mind just a bit.

My current wife will be realizing very soon that she no longer has the CONTROL over me that she always thought she had.

Well well well....
Looks like this hubby was blamed for NOTHING!!!!
I could have (and did) tell her that but hey, I'm a liar right?

Well the test results don't lie.

I have ZERO STDs!

So... who's the cheater??? Who's the liar?????

I did get SOME of my stuff today. Shae actually let me in.
Though she answered the door completely pissed off and argued something to the officer. I was just out of ear shot but it someone like "You can tell my ex husband to be that...

And then when I got int he house after the OK to go, she said she was done helping me.
Done Helping me?!?!?!?
I know I shouldn't have said ANYTHIG to her btu I couldn't stop myself.

She said "seeing how you're going around telling everyone that I'm your soon to be exwife, I'm done trying to help you...." or somethign to that effect.

I said "Helping me? How are you helping? I was packing my stuff up and you called th ecops, had me arrested, and make me come to the house FOUR TIMES to get my stuff.... and won't even let me take all that I want. I haven't seen my son in 4 days! How is this helping me?!?!?!"

I got what little she allowed me to take. But then she started making comments about how my car insurance company will be getting a hold of me, as they will know I don't live there anymore. The car is in bother our names, and this one still has a loan out on it. Can she cancel my insurance? I don't think so. Her car I paid for and put her name on the title back in 2005 (stupidly). But I thought I was being a good hubby and showing her we were a team!!!

So... now I'm worried that the email I got from her about how she wouldn't play nice with the prosecution is null and void. Not that I should worry much...but look what happened so far!!! I did NOTHING wrong, yet I'm the one who gets arrested, I'm the one homeless, I'm the one who hasn't seen my son in 4 days...

As I left I thanked her for allowing me to get what I got from the house, and told her to tell my son I love him and miss him.


...ya know... were we talking (yet again) about buying a house possibly next fall just over the weekend...AFTER she accused me of cheating and giving her the STD. Monday she left super early for work as she always does..being 6.5 miles away and all. After all, that traffic is a bear (not). I thought about it all day Monday and said to myself I know I didn't cheat, if the ONLY way to get Chlamydia is to have sex...and she has is, then SHE cheated.

So I packed my stuff Monday night without saying a word to her. I had no clue where I was going, but I wasn't staying there. She felt the need to involve the police and make false accusations (well the cheating was already one so I guess what's the harm in a few more heh?) And now I'm the one stuck in a legal mess....

Why?

I DID NOTHING WRONG!!!

Well, now you know that your darling WW tried to work a scam on you. She wsa probably hoping that you'd have caught the STD from her so it couldn't be proven who had it first. Does she know that you're clean?

IMO it's time to get someone in the know (i.e. a lawyer) involved and start executing an exit strategy. If I was in your case, I certainly wouldn't want to remain M'd to someone who tried to work such a miserable con on me to preserve her own dignity.