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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 680
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OP
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 680 |
It's been a long time since I posted in here. I am in need of some advice. I will make a long story short as to what happened.
My husband met a lady online and started having a EA. I found out it about it about a year or two into the affair. About 2 months after finding out I realized I was pregnant with our 2nd child. The whold time I was pregnant he went to see this lady (10 hr drive one way) every weekend. He told me he wanted a divorce, didn't love me, never loved me and all the other typical foggy things they say.
I had my daughter and he still continued his affair. I had such a problem doing the whole plan B thing. Now looking back I wish I would have just told him to go and leave me alone. In time after a year of depression I finally let go. I started going out with my gf's, started losing a little weight, and started loving life again.
In time he wanted to come back but I was the one at that point that didn't feel anything for him. He came back but I felt like I was living a life of a zoombie. I couldn't stand him touching me, didn't want to even hear his voice. I just can't forget all that has been done. There are so many things to get past.
The woman he was involved with has since left the country to study for awhile. But I have a feeling when she arrives back in the country that he will try to see her. I found out recently that he left over 20 comments on her facebook pics. I confronted him and he acted as if it was no big deal. He says that they are still friends. That is totally unacceptable to me. How can he be friends with someone like that? He doesn't seem to understand how much he has hurt me. And continues to do so. He cannot understand why I don't want to have sex with him, him to kiss me, hug me or touch me. How can I get those feelings back???
I am starting to feel like trying to recover this marriage is a mistake. I think I just want out. But I think I am scared to take that step. I am not sure what to do next.
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 690
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 690 |
Okay,
We need more information. How old are your children now? are you divorced? when did he show back up? how involved with the kids has he been? Did he live with her, how long?
Me BS
D Day 4-2-2005
OC born 12-2004
DS 21, DS 12
Married 1993
May the love hidden deep inside your heart find the love waiting in your dreams. May the laughter that you find in your tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays.
Recovering....it's a long road, even with a dedicated FWH
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044 |
you do realize it was more than an emotional affair right maryland???
If he is still in contact, Plan B would be in order....they can never be friends or ave any contact whatsoever. Do not tolerate that under any circumstances.
If you feel like recovery was a mistake ...perhaps it was... Surviving an affair is not for everyone.
Do NOT try and get those feelings back until he has met every condition for recovery. NC letter, therapy...etc. YOU are in the drivers seat...you do NOT have to accept his lying cheating butt back. He needs to meet your conditions for recovery.
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,928
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,928 |
I remember you! I'm so sorry you are still having to deal with this crap.
Mkeverydaycnt is right. He needs to be begging for your fogivenenss and doing whatever YOU need him to do.
It sounds as though you just let him come back home without requiring anything from him.
Big mistake, but it's not too late to require what you need NOW.
Tell him what you need from him for recovery. If he's not willing, then Plan B his butt.
"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"
BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
I remember you. I'm sorry your husband doesn't "get it". I suggest counseling, and if he still sees nothing wrong with contacting his affair partner, do a Plan B.
The trouble with letting things go on and on is that you WILL lose your love for him.
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
Hi, So how's the little one? Girl right? Sorry to hear you are still in this mess. Ok, we've been through the drill so no plan A is needed. Last I recall, you beat plan A to death. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> R U ready for plan B? How's your support group doing? take care, L.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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