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negotiation of a specific amout would be safer than a percentage. I disagree... If you negotiate a dollar amount... it will never change... However.. if you negotiate a percentage the dolar amount you get will always increase every year... 50% of $1500.00 is $750.00 ... in ten years his retirement will be...lets say $2000.00 ....50% of $2000 is.... $1000 See what I mean...
BH, 46
STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater
D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary)
D-Day #2 12-26-2007
D-Day #3 5-11-2008
Separated 1-5-2008
STBX filed for divorce March 2009
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LA,
I'm new to the forum but I've read every post in this thread. You simply amaze me with your strength and resilience considering what you been going through.
Although there are no guarantees where relationships are concerned, I think time is on your side.
I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing. John 15:5
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Amazin, If "retirement pay" growth was even close to the numbers you've mentioned above... You would be completely correct.
It just a matter of sure thing -vs- gambling. There is no wrong answer, just options.
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LA,
I'm new to the forum but I've read every post in this thread. You simply amaze me with your strength and resilience considering what you been going through.
Although there are no guarantees where relationships are concerned, I think time is on your side. Thank you. I hope time is what he needs.
BS(me) 40
WH 40
D-day 10/03/2007
***Recovering and growing wiser and stronger.***
I was divorced 10/08/2008.
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Amazin, If "retirement pay" growth was even close to the numbers you've mentioned above... You would be completely correct. The average COLA (Cost of Living Adjustment) over the past 20 years has been about 3.4% (I think) a year... I just pulled those dollar amounts out of my butt to make my point... Think of it this way... after you retire you still get an annual pay raise... There's a retiremnt calculator on stay navy.com....If I retired today.... my retirment pay is still going to go up every year... how much more you're retirment pay is going go up between now and 20 years from now will amaize you ...
BH, 46
STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater
D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary)
D-Day #2 12-26-2007
D-Day #3 5-11-2008
Separated 1-5-2008
STBX filed for divorce March 2009
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I think this is stuff my atty is going to find out during "discovery". That's what he called it. I myself do not know.
I just keep praying that it doesn't come to that.
BS(me) 40
WH 40
D-day 10/03/2007
***Recovering and growing wiser and stronger.***
I was divorced 10/08/2008.
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I'm praying for you LA.
Keep yer chin up... Hopefully he'll make it through the fog.
BH, 46
STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater
D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary)
D-Day #2 12-26-2007
D-Day #3 5-11-2008
Separated 1-5-2008
STBX filed for divorce March 2009
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Amazin, I retired from the Navy 5 years ago.
LA, have you eat'n today ; )
-JKT
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Yes, I have eat'n today. I ate a granola bar & had a bottle of water. I've been up off and on since 4 a.m. I'm up for the day now. Target finally got my Rx's worked out with Triwest and I can go pick them up. I am also going to pick up my headshots with the resumes copied on the back.
I enjoyed a fun dinner last night with my wonderful friend who saved my life twice. We just sat there & talked. It was relaxing.
BS(me) 40
WH 40
D-day 10/03/2007
***Recovering and growing wiser and stronger.***
I was divorced 10/08/2008.
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I am debating on if I should call him today. I need to talk to him about our taxes. I am a bit torn. I don't know if I want to talk to him or maybe email. I don't want to get into an argument or anything. I'm sure he's still annoyed that I hired myself an atty to protect myself.
BS(me) 40
WH 40
D-day 10/03/2007
***Recovering and growing wiser and stronger.***
I was divorced 10/08/2008.
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LASG:
What are you going to discuss with him about the taxes?
Joint?
Filing Seperatly?
Buy turbotax and put your info in it.
Then put his info (estimates) and see where you stand.
Since there are no kids and possibly no mortgage, then there probably is no major difference to you for filing seperatly or joint with him.
And then you can decide, from a position of strength, WHAT you want to DO. Then discuss THAT with him.
Otherwise, there is no reason to bring it up.
If he's pissed becasue you hiredand attorny, then he is REALLY going to loose control if you file a seperate tax return.
But it's his choice. He found someone new....
LG
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When you are not sure of how he will react, you should email. Then you won't get into screaming matches.
He is annoyed at you for seeing a lwayer because he currently thinks you're stupid. Don't take it personally, it goes with the whole affair thing.
Show him you're not, but get the business done via email. If he calls and starts berating you, calmly state that you will be discussing these things via email from now on and gently hang up
Nina
* Divorced January 6, 2003.
*X married OW on July 4 2003.
* I live in Melbourne, Australia
The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. - Elie Wiesel....this is where I am now.
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Thanks Nina. That's what I was thinking. He doesn't yell or scream though. He just has this "tone" to his voice that I know he's really mad & annoyed. I'm just trying to be as pleasant as I possibly can. I'll send him a polite email tonight and ask him to please respond.
BS(me) 40
WH 40
D-day 10/03/2007
***Recovering and growing wiser and stronger.***
I was divorced 10/08/2008.
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I sent an email. It's so much easier.
Some days are good & some are ehh..well today is an ehh...day. Even working out at the gym I can't shake this downer feeling today. It's not a panic attack, it's just an I don't care about anything attack. I just want to lay here on the couch & watch Sci-FI and veg out. But i feel I should be doing something. Like I'm wasting time.
BS(me) 40
WH 40
D-day 10/03/2007
***Recovering and growing wiser and stronger.***
I was divorced 10/08/2008.
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Here's what I told snuggles4you today... I DECLARE TODAY AS A BS PRODUCTIVITY DAY!
Do something productive to get your mind off the A.
I'm painting...
N2F is cleaning her basement...
You can do something too... maybe something as simple as getting all your laundry done folded and put away... or Cleaning your house... Something that needs done that you've been puting off... It will make you feel a lot better. I know I always do. Now go be productive... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
BH, 46
STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater
D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary)
D-Day #2 12-26-2007
D-Day #3 5-11-2008
Separated 1-5-2008
STBX filed for divorce March 2009
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I already did all the laundry, cleaned the house, hauled out the trash, changed the litter boxes, fed kitties and cleaned the bathroom. Now I'm just here on the couch watching Stargate. A movie I've seen dozens of times.
I even made my bed...
BS(me) 40
WH 40
D-day 10/03/2007
***Recovering and growing wiser and stronger.***
I was divorced 10/08/2008.
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Well is there anything that needs to get done that you've been putting off? If not...then go do something nice for yourself... New clothes... Go out to a movie... Nice dinner... pedicure manicure... facial... Spa... Professional Massage... beauty salon... Maybe just a nice hot relaxing bath... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
BH, 46
STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater
D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary)
D-Day #2 12-26-2007
D-Day #3 5-11-2008
Separated 1-5-2008
STBX filed for divorce March 2009
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Posts: 665
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I took a nap instead. Just a short one. It made me feel better & I'm not as sad as I was earlier.
BS(me) 40
WH 40
D-day 10/03/2007
***Recovering and growing wiser and stronger.***
I was divorced 10/08/2008.
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Posts: 665
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I was thinking today that I hate how WS has twisted our marriage into something horrible and bad. How he says things were so terrible. When I know they weren't. Just how he skews all of the things about us to make it sound so terrible. That makes me hurt. My heart aches and feels like there is a gigantic hole in my chest.
I remember so many happy things and it seems that all he remembers are bad. I know it's the fog, but it still makes me feel horrible.
BS(me) 40
WH 40
D-day 10/03/2007
***Recovering and growing wiser and stronger.***
I was divorced 10/08/2008.
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You're right, it is fog talk... And it's all horse sh*t... so stop listening to it. I think a lot of the fog babble is so they can justify their actions in their own minds... And some of it is the "The best defense is a good offence" routine... I know it hurts... but you're getting stronger and one day soon all his fog babble won't hurt you anymore and you'll see it for just that... fog babble... Here's a big cyber hug for ya LA <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> (((((LA)))) Keep your chin up girl... Get yourself strong and things will get better.
BH, 46
STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater
D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary)
D-Day #2 12-26-2007
D-Day #3 5-11-2008
Separated 1-5-2008
STBX filed for divorce March 2009
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