From what I hear, I can name the baby's last name to my maiden name and still be able to get child support. My H left me and living with another women. I am having our second child within a month. I have a four year old son with my H's last name. I thought to give my baby my maiden name. Will this confuse my four year old boy who will have a different last name? I want to change my last name back to my maiden name. I do plan on remarrying someday too. My concern is that my four year old boy might feel wierd if I change my name and his baby sister will have a different last name. H has not been involved at all or cares about this baby so why should my child have his last name.

Went to court last week and the judge awarded me sole custody and no overnights for my four year old boy at his apt since he is living with this women. We go back to court on Feb 1st. Do you think I can maintain sole custody? My son will see a child psychologist to determine final custody and if relocating will be harmful or not for him. I want to move back home, about a 2 hour drive. H is not wanting me to move. Anyone in similar circumstances?

In my opinion, it is essential that you create a family. If you all have different names, it's really hard to have that family feeling. What if you give your baby a hyphenated name and use that yourself? Then you can ask the court to allow you to change your son to the hyphenated name as well.

Another reason to go with that rather than your maiden name is that some people will assume you had the baby out of wedlock, and there's still some snickering about stuff like that. Unfortunate, but true.

OK, I can't imagine having to explain 2 different last names. And I did not revert my name to be different than my kids.

I'm still worried that you use the term sole custody (which may be correct in your state). In most cases, custody remains status quo. That is, the courts keep what is working. Your 4 YO will have very little input in the process, because he should love both parents. As the kids get older, your X will likely be able to get more custody (if he pursues it).

The courts will decide (based on the psych's recommendation and standards) what they believe is in the best interest of the children, and if you have a support system 2 hours away, that may be possible.

So far, so good for you. Your X looks like a schmuck for leaving a pregnant wife. In many cases, a 4 YO would have overnights, so you are ahead already.

I thought that once I remarry then I can hypenate my name. Keep my maiden name and take my new husband's last name. I can do that with my baby girl too. But my baby boy will always have my WH last name. I am going back and forth with that. I don't want to confuse my son or have people think that I had a kid out of wedlock. My H. left me, our son, and our unborn child. What else am I suppose to do but get a divorce.

While yes, your h has done these things, your baby hasn't..
if you give your child a different last name, it may be more difficult to get child support. And He could be a jerk and require you get a DNA test to 'prove' paternity.

Do you want to go through the financial expense and pain of being accused of being unfaithful when you weren't?

And yes, your children will have his last name..as can you until you get remarried, if you so choose to keep his last name..but also imagine your childrens confusion when they are old enough to realize you have a different last name than them.

They understand it a little better when they older if you remarry..but it's still painful for them..it makes them feel less like a family..

I remember when my brother married his wife, her daughter wanted his last name too, just like her mom had..she wanted to feel a part of this family that was being created by marriage..and having the same last name as her mom helped her feel secure and loved..they just did a legal name change, but just having the same name gave her that feeling of security that he wasn't going to toss her aside like her bio-father had..

My son kept my first H's last name. He is now 19. He went all the way through school with a different last name than me. It was no big deal. We even lived in a different country for 3 years. All I needed was a copy of his birth certificate and the custody order which I would have needed any way. Occassionally the school or someone would phone and call STBX "Mr. XH" rather than "Mr.STBX" but he was a good sport about it. I believe you can have a name legally changed (at least here you can) but I never did get around to it. We pursued adoption but XH wouldn't sign off on it.

I can relate to your intention to change your last name to your maiden name. I understand how you feel. If I don't have a child with STBXH I will not use his last name anymore--- But, yet it is hard to do that if you have child/ren to consider as well.

I am filing for legal separation/annulment soon. Our adopted daughter is asking me that if I'll decide to change my last name to my maiden name- her name should be changed as well. Stressing that we both should have the same last name--- as family.

I don't know how my STBXH will take that. Maybe he will not care anymore-because like your STBXH- he is now living with OW and they have 2 bio-OC out of an LTA (9 years already). Maybe he will not care anymore... we haven't heard from him for a year already since we decided to STOP working on the marriage and LET HIM GO and live (happily-ever-after) with OW & 2OC.

Sorry for venting...

Take care of yourself,
Someone

STBXH is acting wierd. I don't know. Last Sat. when he picked up our son, he asked how I was feeling with the baby. Then, when he dropped him off, the OW was in the car and didn't say a word to me. He is still going to church which is so crazy. He gave our son a note to give to me and asked, "how r u feeling, how is the baby". I told him. I am almost due to have the baby. Then, today he text me asking me what I will name the baby. He is calling me alittle bit more, but in relation to our son. He is feeling guilty that I am about to have his baby while he is shacked up with OW or he is starting to really want more to do with the baby? He is living with her. So bad I want to vent and yell at him for what he has done to our family. Part of me doesn't want to ever go back to him but he has a pattern of cheating and flirting with his exs. Though I am technically his wife, we aren't together anymore. Should I keep my guard up? Does he want the best of both worlds?