After a couple of more sessions on counseling, J called me one afternoon after a fun morning at the park with my younger son, his friends and my dog, to tell me, "I just don't think I can do this." I could hear that same ole, same ole, in his voice, wanting me to convince him why he "can do this". I couldn't convince him, I couldn't even convince myself, so I just said, "Good, that's wonderful, it's over then, I am through."

A couple of days later I got a "I'm sorry for the way things ended letter and telling you over the phone." A couple of more days past and another letter telling me he was overwhelmed with emotion that day, wasn't thinking, didn't know what he was doing or saying..Kind of cold feet I guess. He said, "If you want to yell at me, talk to me, anything you want just let me know." Been there, done that a billion times J.... So this time I wrote him back, "Apology accepted but unnecessary, it's over so we have nothing more to discuss."

It takes me a while to sort out my feelings, it's been over a month since I have written on here and I finally feel like writing.

Since the break up, I have been out with friends a lot. Not dating anyone yet but as long as it isn't J, I think I'll be just fine. If I go back with him, you guys just have me committed!

I know I will run into him eventually as we have the same friends but when I do I think and I hope I am smart enough to know that he is NOT for me ever, ever again. I recently saw some pics of him at a Halloween party and I am not sure if my feelings are real but I felt nothing for him when I saw them.

There's a song on the radio by Timberland, "Apologize", reminds me of how I feel, "You tell me that you're sorry, didn't think I'd turn around and say: That it's too late to apologize."

So there's my update guys. I hope all of you are doing well, finding love or happiness or both.

Love Anna

Sometimes the finality of it helps. You are out of Limboland.

On Grey's Anatomy, after a breakup, one character felt
RELIEVED.
There is so much to process, and it's all ok.

Anna, you had a lot of time invested with J over the years, but the quote above says it all. The the one constant with J has been the ups and downs. That is not healthy, for you or for him.

I am sure you are hurting, and I am sorry for the disappointment you must feel - but as we tell everyone who is sad leaving a relationship that is not working - you'll be happier in the longrun.

Take care of yourself and your kids (and the oinker)!

AGG

You summed it up so well Newly, Thank you. You must have a lot of empathy here.

I did feel relief that day, and there was so much to process this month, but the bottom line I think is that I got off the roller coaster ride we were on. Looking back, I think about how I missed being with a man I loved because of his issues of withdrawing, through two birthdays now, 1 Valentines day and other important holidays, making it up after he came to his senses again just isn't the same. I want a stable relationship now, with a guy who knows what he wants.

On my cell phone, I almost deleted his name and number, but then I changed my mind and changed his name to "Fickleman". When he text me recently wishing me a Happy Birthday" What I saw was "Fickleman says: Happy Birthday". When I scroll down my names missing him and wanting to call, I see the name, "Fickleman". I don't miss him anymore after I see it and i sure the heck won't telephone "Fickleman".
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks AGG, I have a lot of mixed emotions, I am surprised that sometimes I am angry at him, I have never felt anger towards him before. Anyway, you are a sweetie, thanks for the wishes.

Anna

anna,

i can relate and empathize 150%.

hugs
mlhb

I love that, fickleman.

When in a relationship, we see what we want to see.
In the light of day, we can see the real person.
I think of my X as a 17 YO, but fickleman wins in my book.

You deserve better. And you will find it, when you open your heart completely. (says the woman who hasn't dated in ages).

Often the right thing is not the easy thing. ((hugs))

I can understand so well Anna.
Its as if you have already broken up so many times its hard to generate the same emotion over it.
You've been in this same pattern with J for so long -- good for you to break it.

Sheesh MLHB, I actually hate that you can relate too, it sux to be able to relate to this thread!

Thanks Cylan for the comment and very true.

Newly, I agree, anyone in this situation the last 3 years deserves much better!

Cylan, thanks for the hugs and it is hard to do the right thing.

Lexxxy, you said it well, it’s like I have become desensitized to the break up now and that is just not good.

Tuesday night I saw J at an outing with friends. It reinforced that it’s over to me so that is good.

Have you guys heard the song Apologize by Timberland, it is so perfect, it’s like that song was written with someone who had the same problem I had, I have to share the lyrics with you:

I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...

that it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothing new - yeah
I loved you with the a fire red-

Now it's turning blue, and you say...
I'm sorry like an angel
heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late

That is J, he tells me he is so in love with me and he needs me so much, says he can barely breath without me, then he turns around and shuts his feelings off, oh but then wait, he says he’s sorry he made a mistake…Same ole, same ole, just like the song…and this time, it’s just too many times and this time the fire I had for him is burned out, and it’s just too late.

Anna

in a nutshell that is almost exactly the same situation exbf and i had anna. exactly.

i love you and want forever with you
than pull away and cancel plans
and i love you and i know this now
then say he needs time and space
then throw in him spending time with a female friend who was playing games
then tell me after spending time with her he now KNEW i was the one he wanted to be with

on and on over and over
i did it for over a year

i loved him with all my heart.
i never understand why he just could not make a decision and a plan and stick to it.
i was looking at schools for my kids down there and had talked to my realtor about selling my house
i was getting a ring for this christmas he said
we were to move next summer

but he couldn't seem to trust his own decisions.
so many people giving opinions on us
and he never had alone time after his marriage ended..

so i relate all too well.
and i hated the back and forth. it hurt like ******.
i was steadfast and new exactly what i wanted and was ready for it.
he did not

and i am still healing.

i get it and i wish i didn't!
i wish i did not relate at all.

mlhb

and my therapist even told me.. "if you give him a second chance you will be giving him a 3rd and a 4th and a 5th... he is unable to commit for whatever reason and until he is, you will be giving more and more chances and it will never end"

and that is not good enough for me anymore.

but i did not listen to her. i was like "she does not even know him, how does she know?" but she was right. and i guess she just knew from what i told her our year had been like.

sigh.

mlhb

[quote
On Grey's Anatomy, after a breakup, one character felt
RELIEVED.
[/quote]

I wouldn't base anything on a TV show. Would you want any of those doctors operating on you in real life? Such shallow, nasty, immature people. No thanks.

But, the feeling of relief can be real, if for no other reason it allows one to move on.