|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
SF was/is a primary EN of my H's which I had neglected, which was the initial impetus for his A....
I do not feel there's anyway that we would be in MARITAL RECOVERY if I had not had SF with him during PLAN A...NO WAY...it really, really hurt him that I REJECTED him so often for many years..
I'm not advocating this for anyone else.
But, I do wonder how you are recommending for this issue to be handled if PLAN A involves meeting your WS' PRIMARY ENs...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044 |
It is a major hole in plan A. It fails to take into account a BS safety when it comes to SF. Anyone that has sex with a WS is playing Russian Roulette and is nothing more than flat out lucky to come out of the situation alive and well.
SF as far as an EN cannot be safely met with a WS. It just can't happen and any suggestion that a BS should sleep with their WS even at the risk of their life (and I know you are not suggesting this for anyone else, only merely again, pointing out what worked so well for you) is simply wrong. Any WS that would put his spouses health at risk by doing so may not be worth getting back in the first place.
STD's kill people....they make BS, dead spouses.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
What if you felt like you weren't living anyway without your spouse?
What if you didn't want to live a life without your spouse?
Certain death or a RISK of death?
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044 |
What if you felt like you weren't living anyway without your spouse?
What if you didn't want to live a life without your spouse?
Certain death or a RISK of death? If that is how someone felt, I would suggest they see a psychologist to help them deal with a very big issue that is impacting their life.
Last edited by mkeverydaycnt; 11/14/07 06:34 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906 |
does this post have to turn in to a debate...
does it really?
when in plan A keep emotions in check as much as possible...
WS will use emotions like a weapon...
see you are too angry
too upset
too emotional...
it solidifies their thought that things are too far gone to get better we should just break up there's too much damage..
or they use it as fodder with the op..
my spouse is crazy
my spouse is too depressed
my spouse is too emotional
ark
Last edited by ark^^; 11/14/07 06:38 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
I recommend that a person definitely see a psychologist during PLAN A..which I did.
I had been with my H since the age of 18, had never been with another man. I did not want to live.
I personally feel strongly about this issue so won't continue to TAINT this WONDERFUL thread.
But I do want to add that, most importantly, I HAD FAITH that the LORD would take care of me. HE was MY SALVATION. I trusted in the LORD with all my heart...
I turned to HIM in the midnight hours and I recommend that more importantly than seeing a psychologist....
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3,454
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3,454 |
Plan A will not convince the WS to end the affair. Expect the WS to reciprocate....nothing.
~ Pain is a given, misery is optional ~
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906 |
act in ways the WS does not expect...
it get their attention...
and plants doubt...
ALSO
men who are BS be very very very wary of being set up for restraining orders...
never ever lose control so that they can try to do this to you...
it's awful
ARK
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906 |
ha ha ha..I found the search button..
AND
my eight year old didn't have to help me...
ha ha ha..
bumping up this one...
ark
Last edited by ark^^; 05/01/08 09:59 AM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
2. "OMG, your pants are on fire" and then just walk out of the room.  and return with a fire extinguisher
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539 |
* Plan A does not mean protecting the Wayward from the consequences of their choices. Ding ding ding and why exposure is key during plan A.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 4,652
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 4,652 |
me - 47  H - 39  married 2001 DS 8a  DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy: (Why is DS7b now a blockhead???) (Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,541
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,541 |
BH, 46
STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater
D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary)
D-Day #2 12-26-2007
D-Day #3 5-11-2008
Separated 1-5-2008
STBX filed for divorce March 2009
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 439
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 439 |
I am trying to hold on to plan A and sometimes its tooo difficult Plan A does not include begging, sniveling, whining and continued confrontations. It does include (although you may be crumbling inside) a strong show of confidence in the future of the marriage, and a series of actions that prove the confidence is for real. This part hit home for me in terms of trying to show a stong confidence even though I am crumbling inside. Trying to maintain my actions that prove and help build confidence is very difficult to stay with and seeing this in print is reinformenet that I need to keep at it . Its a constant struggle to stay motivated to keep working and not allow the crumbling feeling to weaken your knees and fall on the floor.
FBW(me)- 45
FWH- 53
D-day 4/29/08
Moving forward pursuing happiness & a loving Marriage with DH.
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
435
guests, and
77
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,623
Posts2,323,496
Members71,973
| |
Most Online3,224
May 9th, 2025
|
|
|
|
