Your description of the SF EN seems to be at odds with Harley's - see link below
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3310_sex.htmlA quote: " A sexual need usually pre-dates your relationship with each other, and is somewhat independent of your relationship (my emphasis). While you may have discovered a deep desire to make love to your spouse since you've been in love, it isn't quite the same thing as a sexual need. Wanting to make love when you are in love is sometimes merely a reflection of wanting to be emotionally and physically close."
Your version also doesn't seem to match the very common situations of men turning to OWs to meet their needs for SF. I suspect that many of those situations cannot be described as "sharing and giving in a loving relationship", yet they happen for the very reason that the WH's need for SF is being met.
ManInMotion - Perhaps you didn't understand clearly what I was saying. We all have Emotional Needs that "predate" our marriages, that's how we are made. It is in HOW one gets those needs "fulfilled" that is the difference.
From the standpoint of the Scriptures, I agree with Paul's comments on this "need fulfillment" issue if you want to drop a SF EN down to just the physical need (sort of like needing food to survive and not being "picky" about what sort of food you eat or where or how you get it).
"Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your body.
Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong her alone but belongs also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." (1 Corinthians 6:18 - 7:5 NIV)
Men turning to OW's to meet their need for sex is a "rationalization" and "justification" to sin. It is NOT what the Scripture supports nor is it what Harley supports.
The same applies to Women turning to OM's to meet their needs.
It is outside of marriage, whereas sex and sexual fulfillment is supposed to be, exclusively,
within marriage.
We are not talking about the FACT that people choose to sin, we are talking about where "getting needs met" is not a sin.
Take it out of the realm of sex for a minute. "Financial Security" is an EN. Would it be "okay" or "accepted" that the FS need be fulfilled through stealing what belonged to someone else? Not likely. It's no different with sex and fulfilling a sex EN. There is a proper place and a proper way to get that need satisfied.
God bless.