Those of you who are really making progress..... do you recognize it?

re: Asking because knowing and acknowledging it is part of your personal recovery. This in turn can send positive vibes to all including the WS and Xws. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Didn't know you all had that kind of power, eh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Well you do. Just need to know HOW to harness it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Have a nice day!
L.

Orchid,

I am making much personal progress. I continue to go to AA meetings, just finished my 8th step. I have lost 77 3/4 lbs, sugar is out of my diet, I exercise, and am learning to take care of myself and be good to myself.

But the most amazing progress is my relationship with G-d. It is becoming the most important thing in my life. I am learning to use psalms and proverbs and even New Testament stuff to help me answer situations I am stuck in.

My WH is so angry and black inside and I always thought I caused it. Since I am not there, the ugliness from him radiates and I can recognize it and seek G-d on how to respond.

I stay committed to the restoration for my M and love my H more than I ever have. I just have given him to G-d b/c there is nothing I can do for him.

I hope that helps,
SG

PS Orchid - can you please help me become more proficient at reverse babble. This is one area that needs so much work. Thank you

I think I'm right there with Skinsgal.

Orchid, I've gained a lot of respect for you after reading a number of your posts on other threads.

I'm progressing day by day it feels. For the first month and a half or so I was foolishly chasing after my WW, practically begging and pleading with her to give things another try.

Now? I'm confident.. radient even when dealing with her. In my heart I know I would jump at the chance to have her back home giving this another try. I also acknowledge that -that- is the very reason I'm not really -ready- for reconciliation.

I'm still working on detaching, I still think of her probably about 80% of my day, which is not healthy, but I -am- taking great strides to identify things within myself that could use a positive tweak, and am working very hard to tweak them.

I'm one of those people who is used to having things his way, and on his timeline. I realize now that this is probably the main personality flaw in me that tainted everything I did for the marriage, and made my WW feel like she wasn't an equal partner, or that I marginalized her opinions and desires. I've known this about myself for a long time, but this is really the first time I've acknowledged to myself how this makes others feel.. especially the person who is/was the most important person in my life.

I'm working on being more open and accepting to the opinions of others because let's face it.. my way helped get me into this mess.

I've also given primary control of my life to God, who is helping me to identify the addictive behaviors in my life and one by one eliminate their destructive influence on me. I'm not an alcoholic, and I don't have drug issues.. but there are many things in my life I could say looking critically that I'm addicted to.. and I'm working on changing those behaviors.

I think I've come a long way from where I was. I'm no longer looking at situations as a 'poor me' victim . When WW lies and spews her venom I let it roll on by, it doesn't hurt me anymore, I actually kind of expect it. If she was actually completely open and honest with me about anything at this point I'd probably be more shocked than I am with the lies and half truths that come out of her mouth that keep me from spending more time with my DS, and especially DSD. In effect.. nothing is shocking.. except if she were to actually turn around and be the woman I knew for 4.5 years.

As for me, I'm growing happier with myself every day as I continue to conquer my personal demons. I'm taking control of my life again, and removing her influence in it day by day.

I can acknowledge that I love her still, and I now feel like I have a game plan for both eventualities.. whether she comes home or not. Just having a plan and knowing that either way I'll be just fine does a world of good.

Honestly life will probably be easier if she doesn't come back. It's not the life I want, but it certainly will be easier living with myself and knowing I tried, than to go through recovery and probably have to drag her up that hill most of the way.. if not all of it. That's not something I'm honestly looking forward to. She's going to have to shoulder some of that burden.

I have complete confidence that her relationship with Wonderboy will end sooner than later. People I know who know him don't speak highly at all of his character, and my WW is used to having me take care of her, provide for her, and be there for her.. qualities this guy just doesn't have. I may have been a rookie in marriage, but this kid hasn't even lived away from home.. much less tried to raise an instant family. He'll screw it up sooner or later, bigtime.. or it'll just prove to be too much work for a guy who has never had to shoulder that kind of responsibility.

I'm patient.. I can wait for it to fall apart, exposure did not kill the A, and Plan A probably won't so much as dent it. Plan B will probably be viewed as a welcome relief.. so it's just a matter of patience.. she's going to have to bounce off the bottom maybe a few times before looking back my way. I'm actually ok with that.. but I'm not going to put my life on hold while I wait. Who knows, I may even enjoy my life too much to go back to living it for her again when that time comes.. we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Jamesus,

We are so on the same page. However, you are farther along in your personal recovery of having a plan for both outcomes.

And like you, I need to stop thinking about WH way too often. I need to pray for patience and just let G-d work his plan.

I can't say I know if his A will end or not, honestly. He is so stubborn, but he is a walking anger zone and always tired. I know he isn't happy. And you were right, he was pissed and hurt that we didn't acknowledge his birthday.

As a Plan A'er now. I am thinking I will pop on down to work in a couple of weeks with some hot potato latkes for Hanukah. Something I know OW can't make like me. The recipe is in my head. As for Thanksgiving, I leave Monday with my two boys and we are heading to CA to spend the week with his sister and enjoy his familiy recipes, again which are in my head.

I will say today, I trust G-d has a better plan that even you and I can imagine and what a glory to him that we are looking to him for guidance and strength. And standing for our marriages.

My Skins play the Cowboys tomorrow....UGH <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

SG

You and Jamesus have both grown so much and it's pretty amazing to watch from the outside.

Go Cowboys!!!! LOL