<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> *sigh* Ok......

I am friggin Divorced and I have to go back to mediation regarding child support and the likes.....MEDC don't smack me....

When we saw this mediator the last time...I felt pressured into this assinine deal that I signed or it would never end....XH is "suppsosed" to have DS %25 of the time...he has him every other weekend from friday night until sunday afternoon and every other thursday from thursday night until friday morning. Doesn't really add up to 25% but he thinks it does and won't take him any more than is scheduled. If he has him more he should pay less per him.I am the custodial parent with %75 custody.

He goes out of town regularly...thats the case if I call and ask him to watch his son....but as soon as I want to go out of town it's a big deal and he makes it very troublesome for me to enjoy MY time.I had a work realted seminar I had to go to out of town and it was a fiasco....I got called saying he was taking our son to the hospital and drove all the way back to find out he had lied.And I had to make up that time and he started a quota. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> As a matter of fact I have to cancel my vacation this weekend for next weekend and I now have to bring my son along.

Now in this agreement it says that parents will alternate years to claim the child as a dependant on taxes....I cannot afford that...my ex (who never has money) makes 6 times more a month than me and he has a second income (his wife) in the home. when we separated (post 6 months) I did my taxes as DS was with me and very rarely saw his father and claimed him on my taxes.....xh tried to do the same and got caught by the IRS. He got penalized.

Part of our agreement includes that in lue of Child support he pays my truck payment and insurance which comes to just under $600. he also gets a $200 break because he took on the post marital debt. He also is required to pay %50 percent of daycare expenses (which he will not pay to the babysitter but insists I pay and then he pays me back or I have to get a check from him and give it to the babysitter).

Unfortunatly I have tried to trade my truck in for a less expensive vehilce that is better on gas...but due to a deficit from the previous vehicle we had before the truck (when we were married) I cannot trade it in until the differance is paid off. There is $1000 left to go. I am living with my parents currently and paying them rent. along with a monthhly storage unit and day care expenses...I barely have enough left over for much else.

Everytime he has him I have to drop him off AND pick him up (which is most of the time) and I have a truck so it kills me on gas. Trying to get him to put forth the effort to pick him up as we live in different cities is tough.


His apartment is always a wreck and the smells that come out of there....I don't want to know. My son has to crawl over things when I pick him up to get to the front door. My babysitter and I have both noticed after the weekend he goes to the his fathers....he seems like he needs to make up for getting attention...like he didn't get any all weekend. He throws fits and is aggressive. I don't know how his wife or his step son interact with my son.

I am very frustrated and monday I plan on touching on these things.....

Claiming DS on taxes.
visitation changes (as ds starts school next year)
Transportation as I can't afford the gas to play chauffer for XH.
Daycare he needs to pay daycare directly.
%25 means 25% no less.
I am allowed 1 week a year for vacation/training for work purposes.
Name changes....I want to change our (yes mine and ds's) last name to a hypenated version of both my former maiden name and married name.

am I crazy? any advice?
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

guys you all got me woried here.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

His apartment is always a wreck and the smells that come out of there....I don't want to know. My son has to crawl over things when I pick him up to get to the front door.

I would call the Health Department and Social Services to get this problem addressed. Children shouldn't have to live in squalor and filth and I think you have to do something about it.

Give them the address....and wait for the fallout.


jmho
committed

Done.....my sister called yesterday. Hopefully they will be popping over for a check.....without notice.

Why are you responsible for transportation when your xH has your son? Seems he should be doing the driving for the privelege to spend time with him.

Why would you try to force the xH to take you son more often than he wants to? Since he's "forced" to take his son, it probably doesn't help their relationship any.


Maybe Mrs. WS and I did it wrong. We always encouraged the xH to have the children anytime he wanted. He chose not to invest much time with them.

He made bad choices regarding that and has the relationship with them he sowed.

I have not read your other posts, so am only basing this on what I see in this one. It really sounds to me like you consider your child a burden, rather than a blessing. I hope not. It's a terrible message for a child.

Good..

That is what we do at the school I work part-time at. We will call them if we even "suspect" that children are living in those type of conditions. We have a little boy that was removed from his home and placed in foster care for deplorable living conditions in the home.

Naturally, the state tries to reunite families, but when he was told about a court date that he needed to attend, to see if he could live with his Mom again, he started bawling. It wasn't because he wanted to live with her...but because he didn't want to leave "the clean house" he was living in with his foster parents. THAT is truly sad.

I am so glad that someone has called for your boy.

committed

Why would you try to force the xH to take you son more often than he wants to?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

What does that mean?

She isn't trying to force him to do anything other than what he has been ORDERED by the court to do...which is to PARENT HIS CHILD. For goodness sake...it isn't visitation ya know. Sheeeesh...these kind of things really get my goat.

committed

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> I DO NOT FORCE him to take our son.....I encourage him to spend more time with his son and I have requested when I had trianing for work that I would rather he spend the time with him......he bases everything on money.....the issue is he doesn't spend %25 of his "scheduled time" with his son and his son is paying for it.....I have a hard time explaining to my 4 year old why his dad doesn't make the effort to spend MORE time with him and his step brother gets to see his dad more than he does. He uses his "custody" as much as possible to create problems for me.....especially when I have been attending school to gain a better carreer to better support my son....he did everything possible to get me to quit school including causing problems where I had to be absent and came within 5 hours of being kicked out of academy......
This man isn't a father and I can't force him to be.....he's more about himself and how much he can STILL try to hurt me.

I'm sorry I misinterpretted that. Probably from my own experiences with my step children.


The court is ordering him to parent his child is basically forcing him. From the sound of it, he wants nothing to do with that and at the very least is neglecting the child while he has custody. In my opinion, a parent that doesn't want to be one is potentially more damaging than a single loving mother.


This is probably the part that led me to believe she wants him to take his son more often than he has been. If that's not the case, please forgive my flawed filter.

You're probably going to be burning more gas in order to enforce it.

It's certainly not my place to decide what's best, I'm only speaking through my own beliefs and past experience. I hope he takes a more loving view of his son. Right now, the guy sounds like a dirt bag.

While thinking about this and discussing it with my wife, I realized I failed to say some VERY important things.

I applaud your diligence in working towards providing a better life for you and your family. Being a single mother is probably the most difficult job around. While love helps provide energy to keep you going, sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough. You deserve breaks from responsibilty and it's not fair that the one who is supposed to help isn't.

I know the road appears endless on those days when your energy is drained and there's more hours of work ahead. Some days, it probably feels thankless.

Please believe. When your son is older, he'll know who's in his corner. He may even know it now, but doesn't understand. Just that he wants to give the drawing he was working on to you, and not his father. His father may get one or 2 over time, but he knows who's providing his comfort and security on a regular basis. Who he can count on.

I'll be walking my step-daughter down the isle in marriage this coming June. Her "real dad" lives in the same town. She didn't appear to even need to give the choice any thought.

Your reward for being a loving mother is coming. I know it's hard to see sometimes, but it's there. Please....keep your eyes open for those rewards. They're there.

I don't understand your ex. I'm a single dad and want much more time with my kids. The ex fights me at every opportunity about it and I'm forced to live with a as*enine arrangement as well.

You're likely better off documenting and going for sole physical and legal and not giving in on a deal.

Keep that in mind as you head into this.

Men like your ex make it hard on men like me who really want more time with our kids. He's the stereotype we have to fight.

Thanks guys....Wind you give me the encouragment I have been lacking lately on somethings.....I love my boy.....I know raising a boy by myself is a tough lonely road. I do whatever I can to try and make each day special for him but to teach him about boundries and rules even though I must be tough at times to enforce it he does eventually calm down and understand.

He is my world and I don't want to imagine what my life would be without him. I feel bad at times tho that he doesn't have a REAL father figure in his life besides my dad and my brother in law. But I guess I will be the one who teaches him about sports and all since i was the athletic one and his dad wasn't. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Talk with your Dad and BIL. See if they're willing to have a greater impact on your son. Surrogate fathers, if you will. While it's not the same as a father that's there all the time, they may be able to provide a fatherly guidance that children need. It will also place more loving family members in his life.

Maybe on some of the days that your xH decides he's too busy to pick him up...or whatever...on his custody days, your son can "hang out" with them.

My MIL was very helpful to my wife when we were dating. She agreed to watch the children on Fri. nights. Not exactly the same thing, but shows that extended family can...and many times will...offer some help along those lines.

Hopefully, you have family that lives close enough where those options are available.

Personally, I wouldn't be going out of my way to help the father meet his resposibility. Nor would I create barriers, unless there are safety concerns. It shouldn't be your *burden* to facilitate *his* custody. I'd probably document the reality of his involvement though.

It saddens me that he would have so little regard for his son and that xH doesn't realize that you lead by example. His actions today will influence how baby son turns out tomorrow. And it seems like xH likes to use baby son to hurt Mom. It makes me want to smack xH up side da head!

Thanks again guys....well I currently live WITH my parents so he see's my dad ALL the time....however My father is disabled...he's a bi-lateral amputee of both legs.....if something happened he can't chase down a 4 year old or reach him on the floor....so it make it tough for him to stay with grandpa by himself. My dad helps out where he can......

my brother-in-law also helps out but he has a wife and 3 kids and they are currently trying to find a place to live as there landlords haven't paid the mortgage on the house in 3 months and they are going to have to find another place to live because the bank is forclosing....big fiasco <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />.....I have my time for myself....i spend with friends....but I just became single...again...and it's a painful time for me because I am still filled with feelings I am having a hard time dealing with....I stuff them away when I am with my son it's a whole other thing I am dealing with.

LA I am not sure I will make it down this weekend I am trying to get a new car....trading in my truck hopefully YAY!!!!

Yeah! I hope it works out for you. Let me know when you're coming. You have to teach me to dance.

everyone can dance....you just gotta find your rhytm space... :P

SIHW

tell your brother to call the united way in your community and ask which agency has EFSP funds (emergency food and shelter program)

since his upcoming move is forced and not his fault, he may qualify for a grant to help him move... he'd hafta find a rental that he could afford and provide the forclosure documents prior to qualifying

/hijackoff

No he hand his family are actually looking to BUY a house.....so they have a few things that is going good for them.....

Hey any parents out there who have delt with custody issues (child starting school and such) I would love to hear some comment of what to bring to the table regarding visitation and such....

LostBoy is going through that right now. He posts in the Recovery forum.