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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 862
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 862 |
Hi all I have another thread called "I want my family back". Just wanted to ask a question here and hope to get a few responses. WW came over last night and we put up christmas tree with DS age 2.5. Had a great night. Later we dropped her back to her unit. DS upset when she was leaving. 10 mins later she texted asking "is he ok?". I said "don't worry he is fine". Then she said "ok but I do worry all the time".
Would it be a LB if I said "if you worry that much how can you do this to him?". Or how about, "the only person making you leave is yourself, you always have a choice".
Comments please???
Plan D June 08
Me FBS 36
W 38
Married 13/1/09
The best is yet to come, with or without your WS
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 303
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 303 |
I don't think telling a WW the truth of the reality of her situation is, in itself, a love buster. Perhaps you could simply say: "the door is open and you can choose to end your affair and come home".
Me - BW/FWW Him - FWH/BH Still figuring it all out - but we're figuring it out TOGETHER <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 26
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 26 |
I will tell you with my many conversations like that it hasn't done much good.
Tons of nasty Babble got thrown at me.
I have DD 10 and DS 8 who has many sobbing moments beggings mom to come home and then we talk and I've said many similiar things. For me at least it has never turned into a good converstaion.
My WW always just says Shes so so sorry shes hurting them but She just can't live with me.
Which of course after 13 years of living together I always find it quite a shocking thing to hear then I remind myself Its the alien beast talking not my wife.
Goodluck with whatever you decide to say to her. I've just learned at least with my wife she definately has guilt as far as the kids are concerned but its not enough to stop the addiction it just pisses her off when I call her on it.
Bs Me. 32
WS Her 33
DS 2 DS 8 DD 10
Dday August 10
Plan A until 11/4
Plan B but failing miserably at times
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Would it be a LB if I said "if you worry that much how can you do this to him?". Or how about, "the only person making you leave is yourself, you always have a choice". hale no, don't say that! That is a disrespectful judgment. You are trying to ATTRACT HER BACK. Do you think that is going to attract her?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 862
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Joined: Sep 2007
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Thanks Mel, as always you're right! Thats why I didn't say it. No point rubbing her nose in it. She already knows it anyway.
Vladie
Plan D June 08
Me FBS 36
W 38
Married 13/1/09
The best is yet to come, with or without your WS
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
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Joined: Oct 2005
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Vladie - you need to exercise some patience honestly. This won't be over by mid-day tomorrow either.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Thanks Mel, as always you're right! Thats why I didn't say it. No point rubbing her nose in it. She already knows it anyway.
Vladie Be nice! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Sep 2007
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OP
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 862 |
I am believe it or not! But it just seems so obvious to me that if its so hard for her then why does she insist on doing it. Even now that OM has gone back to his own wife???
This morning she asked me how DS was after and I said fine. She said "tell me the truth" so I said ya he was looking for you for a while but then he was ok.
I am being nice!
Plan D June 08
Me FBS 36
W 38
Married 13/1/09
The best is yet to come, with or without your WS
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
This morning she asked me how DS was after and I said fine. She said "tell me the truth" so I said ya he was looking for you for a while but then he was ok.
That was a GREAT ANSWER. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> She is coming around. Slowly but surely.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 862
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Joined: Sep 2007
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Hope so! She said last night too thanks for a yum dinner (i made her favourite) and I said your welcome anytime and I enjoyed making it for you.
Plan D June 08
Me FBS 36
W 38
Married 13/1/09
The best is yet to come, with or without your WS
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