BACK,

I have read 'some' posts. Seems when you post, the thread gets lost and the original poster doesn't get their initial issues addressed. This has happened several times. This concerns me.

So if you don't mind, maybe we could have a 1 on 1 chat here , just you and I. Of course I can't stop others from posting but right now I am ASKING that only you and I post on this thread. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

The reason for this unusual request is to help me see where all this stuff is coming from. This site is to learn about MB concepts, principals and have the freedom to ask questions near and hear to our individual situations and heart.

The general desire is to help one find resolution or at least the path to resolution.

Right now regardless of all intentions, that doesn't seem to be happening enough with your posts. So let's clear the fog and get to the meat of it all with a little background and what you expect to get or give here @ MB.

NOTE: I also respectfully ask this thread be kept civil. AT this time, I am asking for 1 on 1 posting on this thread. Anyone can read it but please respect the request. I know I can only make the request and not stop anyone from posting but this is a request I am making this time.

For those whose feelings run strong about this poster, please allow us time to see things as they really are. Side and snide comments cloud the waters. Your assistance in this regard is greatly appreciated.

This is a genuine request. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

Orchid,

Thank you for the civility of your post. I doubt sincerely that the thread will be free of those who state, every time they behave abusively, that it is I who seeks their attention.

I do not.

And for that reason, respectfully with appreciation for the civility of your opening post, I respectfully decline.

I do not want to feed further negativity on the parts of others (especially when they conveniently turn to blame me for their own negativity - claiming I am "asking for it".)

With all due respect and appreciation, I would prefer not to have another thread started about me and pray that others find greater strength and grace and patience and self-control to focus on areas they find positive.

Let's keep things on a positive note. Please allow things to "blow over".

Where gossip ends, strife ceases.

Have a great day.

BACK,

Thank you for your quick response. I was hoping this could finally help clear the air about real vs implied intent.

However, if you are not comfortable with this method, I am not sure how I can be of further assistance.

I would like to give you a word of caution, since your posts (regardless of the intent) are often accompanied by a follow of highly opinionated ones..... it maybe in the interests of the original posters NOT??? to post as often?

See actions do speak louder than words. Kindness does kill abuse. One can't smile and frown at the same time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Sometimes the best support is the silent one. I know....freedom of speech is a right, it is but how we choose to exercise our rights is where compassion is shown.

Howz about this, when you have a thought to post about a particular thread, you can post it on this thread and reference the thread with a URL link? That way your thoughts are captured here and it can help where it can.

Remember the goal is to be able to get help or give support.

Just posting another option.

L.

Hi Orchid,

Thank you for the thought. I was truly weighing and considering. You see, I am weighing the present circumstance.

Negativity produces negative outcomes. Our greatest strength comes, imo (which I see the Harleys teach about in a specific application)... the positive balances in our "love banks".

We all need "emotional reserves" to weather storms.

Negative attacks, from this POV, come to "suck the life out of people"... and to tap and empty their emotional reserves.

The balance in our life's "love banks"... will determine, imo, to great extent both the course of our lives and outcomes in various situations.

That's why comforting, strengthening, and encouraging others in a calm, reasonable, civil, and uplifting manner... just means so much. (I think of JL... can't help it... and others on the board who have so often provided that... now being "drowned out"... even leaving... their own "banks" depleted by the incivility that now is so prevalent on this board.)

The end does not justify the means. In their efforts to "get rid of" or "attack" those the vigilantes believe "merit" their negativity... the entire tone and temper of this board has changed.

Those who see the problem in "a person" or "persons" justifying their negative assaults... do not comprehend (I know they cannot see it) that their "cure" is 1000 times WORSE... then the "ill" they are thinking they are "correcting".

Now what?

When I am "gangpiled" by scores of negative persons who "jump onto me" if I so much as breath???

I'm thinking about community.

Though I believe I have much positive support, comfort, and encouragement... even good cheer... for Ar (for example)...

how greatly will the negativity others "jump onto me" about on, for example, her thread - will their negativity hamper her total ability to overcome in her situation?

More than she, and the others participating in such behavior, realize.

They are draining HER "lovebank"... in their attacks on me... on her thread.

Therefore, what does the "bigger person" do?

Though I feel I may be able to "be there" for her in a way that perhaps no one else can (we are each unique and no one can "take away" from us or replace our contributions... because when we don't contribute a positive - that's one positive less a person will receive... though others may have equal or even better things to offer).

But now, what really is in Ar's best interest?

Perhaps me saying nothing further.

Not because the detractors are "right" in that I had nothing to offer... but because their multiplied negatives being added in response to my saying one positive thing... create an overall negative impact that she would have to bear during this difficult time.

Ar needs to be supported and encouraged.

She needs to be protected from all negativity.

It may be better now... to be silenced.

Not for my sake, not for her sake in that I would have caused her harm... but for the greater good as the result of vigilante justice on the board... that is....

INJUSTICE.

I'm pondering.

Thank you.

Glad to see you thinking. Let me know if when this can be moved forward. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

I thought some education regarding the hysteria of the Salem witch hunt trials would be in order.

These seem to be equal to "troll hunts" here. Also, the religious vehemence that is stated when persons are feared not to hold the same POV's as some others who fear any belief that contradicts their own religiously.

It is those who seem to refer to themselves as "Christian" who have the "deliver us from evil" witch hunt "troll hunt" hysteria.

"Diagnosing" others as "mentally ill", etc., etc.

Whatever it takes.... to justify the "troll hunt".

With all seriousness, I feel I am witnessing a modern day manifestation of people who have faced great struggles... feel that there is "evil afoot!"... and are absolutely out of control in wild accusations, hysteria, but are so caught up in a mob mentality... that they have absolutely come to believe their bizarre conclusions.

A little reading on the Salem witch trials. I think people need to really question what it is exactly that has "gripped them"... as they consider themselves "agents of God" seeking only to be "delivered from evil".

I'm not sure how to help people return to sane, calm, rational thinking... but in an effort, maybe reading about the Salem witch trials...and "calming down"... will help???

It's a call to return to civility and treating others with respect... and not labelling people... and reacting out of baser instinctual fear and paranoia:

(No, people, you are not "right")



Twenty-four innocent victims lost their lives in the Salem witchcraft hysteria. How did the community of Salem let this tragedy happen? Was it simply fear and superstition, or were there other factors at work?

The events of 1692 took place during a difficult and confusing period for Salem Village. As part of the Massachusetts Bay Colony, Salem was under British rule. When the hysteria began, the colony was waiting for a new governor and had no charter to enforce laws. By the time the new governor, William Phips, arrived in Massachusetts, the jails were already filled with alleged witches. To make matters worse, New England towns were under attack by Native Americans and French Canadians.

Salem Village faced daily challenges closer to home as well. Most families had to support themselves, making their own clothes, planting vegetables, raising meat. Farming was often a painstaking task in the harsh climate and rough, rocky terrain—and a drought or flood could ruin a year’s harvest. An epidemic of smallpox could kill a family. In a world where people saw the Devil lurking behind every misfortune, it is little wonder they believed evil spirits were at work.

But there may have been stronger factors behind the witch hunts—the Puritan lifestyle, a strong belief in the Devil and witchcraft, the divisions within Salem Village, and the expectations of children. Click each topic below to learn more:

Also, there seem to be incredible false conclusions on the baord, imo, that they have a "right" to know!

And so, then, they feel justified in expressing hostility and kind of "tear a person apart"... if they aren't given to know everything they ask and insist they have the right to know.

I'm going to quote something by Dr. Harley:

"Set the ground rules to make negotiation pleasant and safe."

Anyone remember that??

How pleasant do you think it was to be called a bunch of names (especially one of the worst ones I can think of myself)???

Ground Rule 1: Try to be pleasant and cheerful throughout negotiations.

Ground Rule 2: Put safety first. Don't make demands, show disrespect, or become angry whey you negotiate, even if your partner (ie. someone on the board) makes demands, shows disrespect, or becomes angry with you.

(I'm trying, Dr. Harley..;.. I'm trying!!!)

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Are u, other people?

Are u living by this MB creed in how you treat others on this board in your discussions?

Ground Rule 3: If you reach an impasse and don't seem to be getting anywhere, or if one of you is starting to make demands, show disrespect, or become angry, stop negotiating.



(I'm doing my utmost to follow that one - and being accused as if it's "wrong".)

Are u following it, other people?

Are u allowing people to freely leave a discussion when they feel it is at an impasse, or do u become angry like they don't have the right to stop discussing a topic?

Are u following the MB creeds in how you treat others on this board in your discussions and relationships with them?

(are u following it with me?)

Do you respect me when I say I want the discussion to end?

Or I ask you to stop making disrespectful judgments, and just drop it...

or....

especially....


ask you to leave me alone???

Here's something very important, if you are really trying to live by the principles of MB in how you treat others:

"If there is information you consider too personal to reveal, I encourage you not to answer the question until you have gained a greater trust in each other. And the answers should be treated with utmost confidence. Professional psychologists who use similar questionnaires are ethically bound never to reveal their contents without the person's written permission. You should treat each other's personal information with the same rspect.

Treat each other's personal information with the utmost respect and sensitivity."



I see none of the MB principles being practised or applied... by those who claim to be teachers of them.

Just an observation.

I seriously seek to change and live by MB principles.

You? Others on this board?

In final conclusion, I have sincerely come to believe that a number of persons on this board are....

unhinged.

"In final conclusion, I have sincerely come to believe that a number of persons on this board are....

unhinged."

Respond to that Orchid or eventually I will.

Sorry, Orchid.

Back, just answer the question,

Are you or are you not trying to plan A/plan B someone who is legally (civil) married to another woman?

I don't think this is asking for too much personal information - people want to understand your motives with good reason. People put their most personal pain here for you to view, and it is maddening that you won't answer this simple question.

I think if you could just clarify this for everyone, then the attacks would either stop, or you would clearly see this is not the place for you to seek help.

Back,

That is your conclusion and I can tell you that since this board deals with things of great emotional levels, it can certainly appear that way at times. Still the MB concept when properly applied can help many. That is a fact I have seen.

I often post that people should not be making life changing decisions while emotionally charged. I can atest to that fact myself. While dealing with the A that wrecked havoc in my family, I often came near to the brink of wanting to end it all. Attempts were made and yet I was able to pull myself back from it. At the time, the WS wasn't a lot of help, he did try some but what I really needed was to be shown a plan that things would get better. A WS is not about to offer that to a BS and family, not while the A is hot.

So to some, I may have appeared to be 'unhinged'. The point is that while in that state, I still got help here @ MB. Yea....there were some zealots who harped on me.... I have had my confrontations with some MB posters here but I did hold onto my convictions of what I knew is right while never forgetting why I post on MB.... to get help or give support.

Therefore, when I see a thread go off course a bit, I try to bring it back to the original focus.

I gave you the opportunity to do that here with me. You declined for now. That's your choice.

As for the Salem witch hunt stuff..... yea... it might feel that way..... but putting that out there s/b viewed as informational. No real purpose except to use it as a vent.

So if you want to be constructive, let's be helpful.

There has been some outright landish assumptions out there so I will ask you directly:

1. Are you connected in any way with a poster named: LauraLee?

2. If not, are you an OP, WS, Xws, BS or curious/interested party?

I may have more questions but if you could please clarify, it may help.

I want this to get past all the assumptions which have in turn led to some bad posting. I can tell you this board isn't tooo kind when an OP or WS comes aboard and tries to justify an A. Yep.....that one's a fact. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> But when an XWs or even an Xop comes aboard and respects the MB concepts, asks how can they be helped to change from their former A lifestyle, then you can find this board shine in their efforts to help. There may be a few obstacles to clear up but for the most part, help is provided to help one get better but NOT to support an A.

Look forward to your response.

L.

MM,
I am going to respond on the premise that you mean well but take a look at HOW you posted to me. Doesn't that sound a bit demanding?

L.

so, instead of responding, you chastise MM. You started this mess of a thread and instead of addressing the crap spewed here, you go ahead and start yet another thread aimed at the wrong people!

Okay, breaking my own resolution to not post on this thread.

MEDC, and all of us, Orchid made a reasonable request for 'self-retraint' to all of us so that SHE could get some of her own questions and uncertainties addressed.

May I ask that her wishes be respected regardless of any personal feelings that anyone might hold, supporting or in opposition to, for at least enough time for Back to answer her directly?

I thank all y'all in advance.

God bless.

FH, this is being addressed directly with Orchid.

Sorry, but Back had enough time to offer her vitriol on this thread without retort.

Medc,

I have held my tongue in chastising anyone. You want to read my posts in that light, that is your choice. Just to clarify, the post was to ask if we could get back on focusing why we really post here. If this posts offends you, please block it. I will understand.

L.