Sorry is often said to be the hardest word, I'm sure many of you can remember songs and even stories about just that. It's never too late to say "sorry", or at least never so late that it is not worth saying. The words themselves aren’t particularly challenging. It’s what they represent that proves most difficult.
By saying I’m sorry, I am admitting that I have fallen short of expectations, that I have hurt someone, that I have done something wrong. For me, that’s hard to face. I imagine it is for most people.
I first learned to recite the Act of Contrition when I was in the second grade preparing for my First Confession. The prayer I learned at that time was the more traditional “O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended thee” version. It seems to spell out more completely what
I’m trying to say by reciting the prayer.
Regardless of which version I used, I spent quite a bit of time reciting it for any number of reasons such as hitting one of my sisters (though they deserved it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />) , making fun of someone, lying to my parents, etc, all the little sins of childhood. Oh such simple days!!
My mum was and is a firm believer in the importance of not only saying “I’m sorry,” but also reflecting on the implications of what you did. Thus the reason I know the prayer so well! (Unfortunately she also believed in good swift boot in the pants as well <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />)
Individuals may be trapped by the consequences of sins of past, as some here who are or have been WS of one kind or another, but does that mean you cannot say sorry?
You see it doesn't matter one bit in a sense if your apology is rejected or not, perhaps some of the difficulty with saying “I’m sorry” is pinpointing exactly all that those two words represent. For me that’s where the Act of Contrition so often comes to my rescue.
This prayer fleshes out all the reasons saying those two words seems so hard—“I am guilty of sin against you. ... I have not kept YOUR (God's) commandments.” Talk about a reality check!
In the context of a WS of which I was one, saying sorry and even ,meaning it, does not, cannot repair what I have done.
True contrition, has four steps—none of which can be skipped if we are to be "made straight." For me that also has a religious context.
First, we have to admit that we did something wrong.
Then we need to admit what you have done wrong, and that you are genuinely sorry for them, which is the second mandatory step of contrition. (Hardest for me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />)
The third step is what Catholics call "a firm purpose of amendment." That means you have definite plans about how you are going to change your behaviour. A vague "I'll try harder to be good" or "I won't do it again" is not good enough.
The fourth and final step in true contrition is penance. That is we must suffer the consequences and make up in some way for the harm we have done. That can seem to be almost impossible. Most of the time you can only do those things which help to limit the pain you inflicted. Its the WILLINGNESS to actively do actions to repair that which you broke and clearly let the person you hurt know this which can bring you to true contrition. The consequence may be the loss of your M, the unlimited trust, respect ... perhaps even some love.
However, though I have been extremely lucky, sometimes no matter your actions to say sorry its just too late to recover your relationship with your husband or wife.
Does it mean you should not work on being sorry?
NO
You can at the least let them know 'I'm sorry' .
If you haven't clearly said this, say it and mean it .... but not UNLESS YOU TRULY FEEL SO ..... before its all to late, for you or them.
I love the song Non, Je ne Regrette Rien which means No I regret nothing ... I wish I could have lived up to it, however that may be, I can in the future, thats entirely up to me and its the same for all of you. We will succeed in our lives from now on as a good person .. or not ... regardless of what your BS may decide or not about your relationship, the choice to do and be 'good' is all yours. Just as we choose adultery, we can choose faithfulness, to our BS, to God if you are religious, to the general mores of society. Its never to late to say sorry.
Simple words, challenging to live. Its up to you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
