Everyone knows someone in an affair that stayed together. But the chances are less than 3% for a long term relationship, and 75% of THOSE end.

And yes, you COULD buy a lottery ticket and win this weekend..............

Plus the OW sounds nasty!

Thank you believer, for your patience.

Yes!! She's nasty, thank you!!! I'm not a proud person, I've really lived a humble exsistance (that sounds riteous, I'm not), no not perfect, far from perfect, I've been silently judgemental of some people, but in all honesty.. I am so BAFFLED at this warthog, my WH is "above" her... or at least he is above her, when he's not WH, not rolling in the muck with her. It just doesn't make sense... I'm not trying to figure it out, I just want to figure out how to get him out of the mess he's gotten himself into. Ok, yes he's got to get himself out, but if there's anyway I can help the situation I want to.

thanks for the title change! ;-)

Amazin, you are right, I don't know what would have happened had his mom know about MB and had all these wonderful supports-interesting to think about what could have happened.

I guess for now I'm settlin' for crumbs and that's good enough for me (realy it isn't) but working on my self esteem may help me reach a better point to where I decide Plan B is best for us.

He mentioned taking the kids tomorrow afternoon to do something... I would like to go, I don't want to be left alone, Sometimes he doesn't mind if we're together other times he does... if I really pushed he'd let me go, but I'm not sure what the best course would be right now. And I really don't know how the kids would react if he tried meshing them together with her and her two?? I would hope that they'd give him a hard time, but one can never really tell...

too much stress for one life, that's for sure! ;-)
Have a good Friday all!

I keep saying this over and over to you, Serenity. I don't mind.

I felt the same way that you do about PLAN B.

PLAN A RESULTED IN MY H FALLING MORE DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH THE OTHER WOMAN.

I went into PLAN B as the LAST RESORT to SAVE MY MARRIAGE.

I went into PLAN B strictly for MARRIAGE-SAVING PURPOSES.

I, like you, NEVER LOST MY LOVE FOR MY H but he was DEFINITELY LOSING HIS LOVE FOR ME. He was growing to disrespect me more and more and loving HER more and more. DOBSON spells this out ELOQUENTLY in his book. I FAKED the DOBSON approach the whole while because I believed in the professionals.

From the horse's mouth, my H, what the PROs are saying is true. My H did not see PLAN B as an ultimatum. At first, he felt off and free to pursue his relationship with her. In actuality what he got was TO SEE HER THE WAY SHE REALLY WAS. It was JUST HER, having to meet all of his needs and SHE FAILED MISERABLY...with NO RELIEF provided by time with me. He missed ME. We had HISTORY. With them, it was GROUNDHOG DAY every day. Every day had to be a NEW DAY. She couldn't keep up that ACADEMY AWARD PERFORMANCE of being PERFECT and WONDERFUL every single day. They had to learn how to live REAL LIFE. He had to keep explaining to her what he liked and didn't like..about how to handle day to day living.

And Serenity, do you think that you HAVE him NOW? She HAS him. Don't you really WANT to be with YOUR HUSBAND? Don't you really want him ALL for YOURSELF? I couldn't BEAR to SHARE my HUSBAND any longer. That was another main reason that I went into PLAN B. I loved him so much that I couldn't bear to SHARE HIM. I wanted ALL of HIM or NONE of HIM...

What I'm saying is WITHOUT PLAN B, you are at HIGHER RISK of DIVORCE...and HIM losing all of HIS LOVE for you..you are not holding yourself up as a woman to be VALUED..so why should HE value you?

Do you think that your WH finds this to be ATTRACTIVE?

It may be GOOD enough for YOU...but this attitude will not result in a RECOVERED marriage..

This can not result in a HAPPY LIFE...

I'm so SAD for you right now to read here that you are saying that...

You are losing MAJOR GODDESS POINTS, Serenity...

Serenity --

I'm not one of your usual supporters, but I read your thread all the time.

Just your title alone "VETS did Plan B work for you?" tells me you don't "get it".

MB is a self-help strategy -- not a manipulate-your-wandering-spouse strategy.

Plan A is about you. Plan B is about you.
The end result is you may attract back your wandering spouse. But you should not be approaching it from what might "work" on him.

You need to find your personal power.
You need to understand your worth.
Where is your anger?
Where is your sense of self-worth?

Why are you willing to settle for crumbs?
And if you are willing to settle for crumbs, that is all you will get. You make it far to easy to walk all over you.

There is absolutely no reason for him to give up OW.
Apparently its fine with you if he has both.

That is really the best advice that I have heard yet, thank you. When I start respecting myself, maybe then I will get some respect (pardon my Rodney Dangerfield)but I GET NO RESPECT.

Well, I am seeing that that reality is more my fault than anyones, I let this happen because of the low self image and sense of self worth that I had.

Gosh this whole learning and growing thing is hard. Couldn't someone just have told me this stuff instead of tearing my heart and my familt to shreads?

It's so sad and depressing. I never wanted to give up on our family and no matter what our family is changed forever. WHY?

quiet evening at home and on the mb. all the kids are at different "activities" tonight. I don't even want to imagine what/where WH doing/is... He'll be over tomorrow to spend time with the kids and a small fixing project that needs to get done... I could stick around and Plan A or go off and do something on my own... show a little independence? I don't know what I should or what I want to do.

What ever you do ... enjoy it... LOL

That's kind of like what Abe Lincoln said.... What ever you are ...Be a good one...

You need to find something to get your mind off the affair stuff for a while...(On a regular basis) Exercise seems to do it for me... Or home projects.... Painting etc... Something that has a positive effect on your life.

I have been reading your thread Serenity, I have no advice just saying hi and hoping you are doing okay. I am struggling a bit myself. Thanks for posting over on my thread. It's nice to know there are people out there that understand what we're going through.

((((Serenity)))))

I vote for doing something while he is gone. In fact, I wouldn't tell him or the kids what you are doing. Oh and make sure you look your GODDESS best when you go. Of course, you are supposed to be doing THAT anyway. Let him wonder.....

Yeah, I hear ya on the friday nights on the boards...I was supposed to play bunco tonight, but it got cancelled...and tonight would have been a good night for it...

oh well...

not2fun

(((((Serenity)))))

Hey honey, I missed you and worried about you.....let us know what is going on with you....this has just sucked lemons....

Anyway, I did worry about you and will let you know later how things are on my end....

If they could track how many times a person tried logging on to the message board when it was down I'd win the prize for trying the most! I'm sure of it!!

It turned out to be an OK week. I spent time surfing the internet for alternatives. Of course there is NO replacing this board. I missed many of my fellow BSs!! And hoped and prayed that you were all surviving without the board.

Back when I started reading here and posting, I also signed up at a couple other sites that send out email messages daily. One of them really started tugging at me, so I went back and revisited the website. It's been a blessing and has calmed my heart a ton! No need to worry about Plan B- it was freaking me out.

Anyway, we've had lots of text message contact. A couple phone calls here and there. Mostly him calling me for one reason or another, never to "just chat" though ;-( He came over for Easter dinner yesterday and that was nice.

OHOHOH I almost forgot! I made a "video" for him. It has pieces and parts of certain songs and pictures of all of us. That, with a very touching letter had him with tears in his eyes (that he tried hiding!) on Wednesday evening.

He knows what he's missing, he just doesn't understand how someone could be forgiven for what he's done... plus he's said in the past that he never wants to put me or the kids through him leaving again... just gotta wait him out, and when he brings up the topic I'll let him know that it IS doable!

Hey Serenity,

Nice to see you. Not2fun has been worried sick. You sound ok. I'm glad.

I missed ya gal....

Queenie

(((Serenity)))

I am so glad you are doing well....I was incrediably worried about you. And I am glad to see things are going well on your end. Mine is a mess. And now that WS knows about the boards, well, I don't know what I am going to do....He says he feels manipulated as it is, and if he decides to get on here, well, any advice I follow will just be needless as he can figure out what it is I am doing. Its a mess...

Anyway, so glad to hear from you and so glad to be back...

not2fun

Hey saw your post on queenies thread....if you email lala she can give it to you...she gave you her addy somewhere in your thread....I would post mine, but it contains personal info....

not2fun

Hi SS...

I'm smilin and wavin....

Glad to see you survived.

Not just survived, but THRIVED! I'm in a good emotional spot, Thanks to GOD of course.

It's going to take all of us a week to get caught up!!

Who are you and what did you do with our Soon?

Praying for you...how are the kids these days? You too not how DD14?

Still keeping an eye on you guys... missed ya's

Well, the Soon that TMTS knows well is back ;-( jeesh talk about a roller coaster of emotions. Didn't wake up in a good mood! Darn it! Anyway gotta get to work, at least at work I'm sooo busy I can't waste time worrying ;-)

Hope each and everyone of you has something great to smile about today!!