You were warned to stay away from me by a veteran poster, and that warning supported by another veteran poster on your thread.

You said that you would discern for yourself whose advice you would consider or not...who would be credible or not.

You did it with class, Maggie. With ownership. You used "I" statements.

You weren't warned with "I" statements, were you?

Every new poster, or lurker who chooses to finally post, has this same ability...this same choice.

You know where I found a troll? In the word "controlling".

Which hits many of us as FWW, WW, BH, WH, FWH where we live. It's important to our marriages to understand this really complex word.

Your choice. My choice. I've struggled with choosing my perception, my half here, for as long as I've been here.

I know it's my own growth post...something I keep facing again and again in my life...and in your posts to others, on others threads, you benefited this board and my life.

How MB seems to work, IMO.

Always a two-way street...those here for years or days are part of it...we learn from newbies and vets, from those inbetween, even as we post to them.

What I see you help to crystalize is coming here during a time of strife, of harshness and warnings...which attempts to negate your choice of discernment, really...and yet, we still are responsible for discerning...our half.

What I think comes from someone saying "This poster is bad" and "This poster is good" is the downward spiral of more untruths...including choosing to perceive someone defending bad guys and bashing good guys...and the reverse.

That choice is dangerous, I believe...and well reflects our mindset in our marriage, as well...

when what may well be being said is...this poster is a person.

Labeling them a troll negates that they are a person...makes it easy to treat inhumanly...which hurts us, retards our own growth, doesn't it?

And encourages us to then continue that spiral, that loop, through discounting, demoralizing, attacking...feeding our feeling of good guy, righteousness, instead of rightness.

Instead of treating them as the person they are...and taking what you want, if anything, and leaving the rest.

As in marriage, maintaining healthy boundaries of who we allow into our lives and who we don't...awareness. Lots of parallels.

For these same posters telling you that you are being treated worse than a troll may well be telling you that you ARE a troll tomorrow. What they do to others, they will do to you. You cannot make them not do it. And you knew they were capable and willing.

What you do to least of you, you do to me.

I trust that if God is reaching for a poster, through my post, I will be heard. Which is why if someone is here to only foment dischord and disconnect, they won't be taken seriously.

I respect newbies as much as veterans...for their bravery, their quest, honesty and commitment. I trust they will be reached because they are reaching out themselves.

Their half...our half. A whole new marriage and life.

And what I know most is that everyone here contributes...when they contribute. And when they leave, they take their contribution with them...

I don't do loss well enough yet.