Touche! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Relationships between spouses are usually a wee bit different than the interactions between people on a public forum. If you have an issue with your spouse, you can discuss it with each other privately and work out the difference.

Interactions between people on a public forum are going to result in disagreements that occur - in public. Perhaps a point lost on some?

************EDIT*************
Perhaps that also falls under the heading of 'style'?

***************EDIT***********

***********EDIT***********. As always, YMMV.

To all above:

I began this post to ask for help with what I felt was an at-the-moment urgent issue of posting ethics. I did not realize at the time there were moderators to help, and was happy to learn that they were available to assist.

Subsequently,*******posted a remark to me, asking me to argue with my husband, to which I have responded. I know that English is not my first language, and sometimes I misunderstand idiomatic expressions and interchanges, or my own expression is somehow "off."

But I really am quite confused by the correspondence following ******** remark on 1/20. *****EDIT*******


Thank you,
MrsGGW

*grammar fix*

It's no big deal,

Your husband posted a largely humorous aggressively stated and NOW EDITED post attempting to tell me literally "I should be ashamed of myself" because I have on a couple occasions chosen to expose LIARS on MB with their own contrary information that they willingly and previously gave to me privately in email or chat off MB.

He thought that reprehensible. I think that he values confidentiality over exposing liars. I don't. No big deal. It all should have been a civil discussion and sharing of ideas but your husband took the opportunity to go overboard, violate TOS and, apparently, violate his own ethics and religion.

Then the other thread where he went after me was locked...so I looked up this thread where he/you had most recently posted. Upon reveiw of this thread, I saw the post I quoted above and thought to myself, "Self, if Mr. G has the same stated beliefs as Mrs. G then Mr. G is likely behaving hypocritically. Since he appeared too upset to speak to rationally on the subject I thought maybe his wife will calm him down and set him right". I dislike seeing posters cross their own stated boundaries.

It would have ended there. I admit I was being a bit smart. I did not literally think you would take him "to task" and I have no intention of involving this issue or myself INTO your marriage. I am sorry to both of you for such misunderstanding. Your response herein was your response and I had moved on. I wasn't looking for a fight and there is nothing left to discuss. However, for some strange reason or obsession others like to bump up controversy...so here we are...both confused.

I have no idea what was edited above, nor do I care. A certain other poster is taking the opportunity of my posting to you both on your thread to post to ME in a roundabout manner.

I apologize for the intrusion of others. It was not intended. I thought this thread was dead and bumping wouldn't be an issue.

Respectfully,

Mr. Wondering

P.S. - On the subject of confidentiality. My status as an attorney was brought up. Allow me to clarify something: Lawyers have an ethical obligation as officers of the court to uphold justice, ehtics, HONESTY and good morals. It is a violation of such duty for us to participate, individually or in concert with another person in conduct contrary to such. Though we can not expose our clients secrets and confidential information we also can not allow them to go under oath in the courtroom or in depositions and lie. I am NOT a trial attorney so I've never faced this situation but I suppose, to avoid disciplinary action by participating in fraud upon the court I'd be BOUND to expose my client AND/OR withdraw from the representation (which pretty much exposes him/her anyway).

"That's all I have to say about that" - Forrest Gump

***********************EDIT***************

I think this message board is so much a part of the life of some, they are confusing it for real life.

To the person posting IT IS REAl .. but to everyone else it's simply a message board.

I believe the problems arise when the person on the computer starts believing they are ACTUALLY part of the OP's real existance.

Seems wiser to me to live your real life as separate form MB. If you discover someone lying to you IRL, it is your discression (?) whether to speak up face to face because hopefully you know MOST of the facts 1st hand.

Something totaly different in cyber space when you are removed by half the world and know only what the person has chosen to tell. You do not know intmately the people involved.

The best course of action is if you discover something irregualar, exercise YOUR choice to no longer post to that person, and tell them in private why, if you wish.

Another good thing to do is push your computer chair back, turn the computer OFF, get up and do something for yourself that's real.

Of course that makes sense to you...You don't care about this board or the REAL people with REAL problems who post here...Your agenda is clear...

Mrs. W

Of course I care, the thing is you cannot give real help on a computer. You can do the best you can and then let the other person deal with THEIR REAL life 1st hand and NOT confuse the two.

Well I suggest you turn your computer off then.

Many people here would disagree with you.

You really have no clue...One of the specific situations Mr. W was refering to involved ACTUAL off computer help...We went to the Aerosmith concert HERE for a poster OVERSEAS and took actual photos of her husband with the OW for her...Later we found out that it was an affair marriage...She came here LYING to the good people of this board...LYING did NOT help her, nor did it help anyone here to be able to help her...I'd suggest you keep your mouth shut about things that you know NOTHING about...

As far as you caring about this board...Um, a quick check of your posting history will show that you only come here to try and cause trouble...that is sad...

Mrs. W

To all:

I would really be appalled if the thread I began, ultimately became a slugfest. I would feel terribly ashamed indeed if what started out as a straightforward question of ethical conduct on these boards was subsequently used as an opportunity to demonstrate degrading behavior towards others. If at all possible, it would do great honor to myself, my husband, and our longstanding marriage if you might remember what my mother taught me:

“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

Another thought is, before you speak ask yourself:

a. Is it true?
b. Is it kind?
c. Is it helpful?
d. Is it my turn?

And if your word choices do not meet those criteria, then most of what there is to say, is best left unsaid! Amazingly, this works for children ages three and up, and it is very useful in marriage (at least mine, and I wish we would remember it more often).

Certainly I have no control over what others are posting, it is not within my power to exert such control, but I am making the honorable request.

It is terribly upsetting to me to see people targeted on a thread that I began, especially with another and more useful intent in mind.

MrsGGW

That post just proved my point



You can never know ALL the facts when you are removed by half a world and not IRL. There is always another side of the story.

You can help only so much but unless you are IRL and know MOST or all the acts, it is one sided help. People's lives are complicated and involve many years of incidents that may or may not be relevant, it is impossible on a computer message board to see the WHOLE picture from all angles.

You can only off suggestions and opinions based on what you are TOLD.

My apology to you GollyGeeWillikrs

I do believe sincerely that this is a valid topic and point that needs to be adressed. I believe that some are confusing real life and cyber space.

Using that logic no one should ever bother consulting a counselor regarding their situation...They would only be giving "one side of the story" after all...

Ultimately, we were able to help expose an infidel, save this board from being lied to and hopefully even show the woman in the affair marriage the proper steps to take to help herself...We feel fine about our course of action and are unconcerned about your thoughts on it...

Mrs. W

If you think it's a valid topic Lady than perhaps you should start your own thread on the subject. More likely than not...I will push back my chair and choose not to participate. My take on the validity of the subject is you likely think it's a good one to sidetrack serious posters from their stated intent on this board. I'm done playing games with those that seek only to distract and complain.

I guess my point is:

Which is sadder???

1. To post a lot and TRY to help people on a message board despite it's inherent limitations, OR

2. To attack or otherwise post how sad it is that others post on a message board with such care and intent to help others.

The Harleys do phone counseling. Should they not considering it's limitations???? In fact, all counseling has limitations. Absent camera's in the home...no way can ALL information be gleaned.

Whatever,

Mr. Wondering

* The child in me wants to say to Mrs. G...."your husband started it". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

MrW:

I did find your post very interesting, and your clarification on lawyerly ethics regarding confidentiality was quite instructive, thank you.

When I found the thread that you referenced, I discovered that you seemed initially to be of two minds regarding privacy:

a) People should not disclose private information online to strangers, and
b) Those who discover inconsistencies with revealed information, even if it is revealed under confidential circumstances, should feel free to publicise it.

My husband strongly agreed with your first point. We discussed this, and he posted.

It is highly unethical to publicly post or publish privately communicated or transmitted information of any kind, without the communicant's permission.
This goes for telephone conversations, personal conversations, emails, personal letters, photos, etc. Since the ethics of strangers are entirely suspect, confidential information should not be shared with strangers.

From there, you cut/pasted a remark:

It is highly unethical to publicly post or publish privately communicated or transmitted information of any kind, without the communicant's permission.
________________________________________
Page 45, Wayward Handbook

As you have put it so eloquently, he inferred a “disparaging implication,” and was highly offended. I may be mistaken (he is not home now to ask, and I do not want to stir the pot, as they say), but I do strongly suspect that it is the innuendo of impropriety based on an ethical belief, which caused him to say you should be ashamed of yourself.

I am sorry that you were so distressed that you were still thinking about all of this nearly two hours later. It is my firm belief that men (and some women) will sometimes get ahead of themselves in argument for the sheer joy of it, and I must agree that sometimes it really is fun! But it is a pity that peoples’ true feelings really do get trampled.

I hope this adequately clarifies and explains, to your satisfaction, and that I have not generated more grist for aggravation. Thank you very much for your apology, it was gratefully received.

MrsGGW

MrW -- This was worth learning how to properly quote in MB:


BWAHAHAHahahahahahaha!!!!! Thank you for making me laugh this afternoon!!!

He probably did!!!

MrsGGW

LOL Mrs. GGW! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

You seem to be the only one confused here, dear. Apparently you are not aware that the Dr. Harley actually COUNSELS people over on the private forum of this board? In cyber space. It is quite REAL indeed, and those of us he counsels will tell you it is VERY REAL.

You are a good sport, MrsGGW! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />