I recently received a Christmas card from a high school friend.

Just like me, she married her high school sweetheart, except he was a year younger than her.

Their relationship was rocky and he ended up cheating on her. She was devastated and they divorced. They had no children.

About 5 years ago, she began talking to a married man who was a friend of a friend on-line. Well, one thing led to another and he left his wife for her.

The WH stated that he was "forced into marriage by his church" (quite the foggy statement, huh?).

So he finally divorced his dear Christian BW and married my friend.

When she told me, I was very upset. Having just become a Christian, I was very saddened on behalf of the BW and wondered how my friend could cheat with a married man knowing how much it hurt when her first husband did it to her.

I actually discussed this with her and said their relationship was wrong. She became insulted and said she had hoped I would be happy for her. I told her I could never be happy over a relationship like that. We didn't talk much thereafter.

Fast forward to this year. I am now a BW so I understand the pain of infidelity myself. I know that my "friend" must have heard by now that I am on the brink of divorce due to my WH's infidelity.

I assume she was wanting to send the card to show that her relationship is still going strong while mine is crumbling. I am pretty sure this must be the case since this is the first year I got a card from her in 5 years. The card had a picture of her and her affairage partner.

It went straight in the garbage.

Now, my "friend" may be trying to show that her marriage has lasted, but I know that it isn't a happy one. One of our mutual friends told me that her affairage partner is "in love" with both her best friend and her own sister. I was told that if either one would give him the slightest encouragement, he would leave my friend in a second.

I guess this is an example of the old saying "if they did it with you, they will do it to you".

So for all the BS out there who feel down when your WH's marry the OW, just remember that even if the relationship lasts for a few years, it most likely is not a happy union.

Thank you for sharing.

Here's what Harley writes:


Source: Plan A & B - CLICK HERE

I have a story to add of an A that ends up in marriage.

About 8 years ago, my SIL left her live-in SO and moved back in w/my IL's (where my H and I were living at the time) to pursue an A with a coworker. This OM was newly married(1-2 years) and his wedding to his BW was even featured on the show "A Wedding Story."

Looking back, I see now how much of an addiction it really was. She was constantly on her cell phone with him. OM was all she could talk or think about, while we all could not understand what she saw in him!

It shocked the whole family as she and her SO had been talking about marriage and we all thought he was a wonderful man. She told us of the "truth" of how bad everything had been and how horrible he really was...(er, now I know there is a name for that~rewriting history!)

I remember thinking that I had never had such intense feelings for my own H as she had for OM and wondering if that meant anything!

Anyway, fast forward, they married six years ago(about two years after starting A).

Shortly after the wedding, the red flags were being raised. They now have two children. Earlier this year we got the announcement that they were going to be getting divorced.

The weird thing...my SIL seems to have zero emotion re the divorce ~ seems very eager to get it over with. She said he repulses her and that things have been bad for a long time.

The story is so in line with the info I've read here re what an affair is REALLY all about...

"Affairages may last, but they are not always fun."

I understand what you really meant, but I don't like the title. The title doesn't get the message across as well as it should be. If you substitute "affairages" with "marriages," the statement still makes sense.

I have a good friend whose parents divorced when she was young, becuase of her fathers A. He married the OW, and they were married for many years, until his death about 2 years ago. At the funeral, there was a woamn sitting by herself, crying. No one knew who she was, and after the service, she quickly exited. Later, at the grave site, there were flowers left, with a card that said something like "I will always love you", but no name was signed.

It was pretty obvious that even though he had been married to his OW for years, at some point he had started another A with OW #2 (or perhaps she was #3, or 4.....)

also, during all the years he was in his affairage, his realtionship with his daughters was strained. The daughters never formed a R with the A wife. I can not imagine that the M was any fun at all. I think they probably stayed together out of subborness, plus they were still at the tail end of a generation that didn't beleive in "D".

It really was a very sad way to live.

My vote is to leave the title as is: "Affairages"

Affairage = An Adultery-Based Marriage

Regarding the atatement "if they will do it with you they will do it to you".

A couple of months ago I had something happen which made me think that my X who married the OW is in another A. She had called me from his mobile phone, and I called him and told him I did not appreciate him giving her my number. He said he didn't, and had no idea how she got it. Then I recalled that the phone call was made from HIS mobile phone and told him so. He said "Oh no, that couldn't be right, she doesn't know my password (for the phone). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

He is locking his mobile phone again. When I was with him, the ONLY time he did that was when he was in an A.

Anyway when I told him that she had indeed rang from his phone, there was a silence, then a small "Oh." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Gotta LMAO about that! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Yep, if they will do it with ya, they will do it TO ya.

My apologies. Quick TJ.

Hi Nina!!!! How are you?

Jo

Hiya Resilient! Fine thanks, doing okay. I posted a little bit on the D/D board if you want to take a look.

Sorry for this interruption, you may now proceed with your usual program. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Affairage makes sense EXACTLY. A "marriage" as a result of an affair which isn't REALLY a marriage but an "affairage".

Hmmm...

Reslient, I understand what you are saying. The question I would have for you is "When," if ever, it becomes a "Marriage" and not the "scarlet [color:"red"]A[/color]"ffairage? Or does the past action ALWAYS apply as a descriptive word for the marriage or the individuals?

Well, FH in my experience with my own mother she will forever be an unrepentent adultress. My father never remarried, so she has never been free to remarry. She married her OM and they have been M'd for over 30 years. Now she is ill and the anger toward her OM/H is coming out. Why anger? Well their R screwed up her relationship with her kids big time, no going back to change that. No one has ever been comfortable with her "husband" and to me it was never legitmate. It is very clear in the Bible.

Read this divorce/remarriage

yep.

great link FF.

FF, an interesting link. There is much that I agree with there and there are also some things that I disagree with.

If you'd care to discuss this issue any further, I would suggest a separate thread.

Even MEDC, who seems to agree with the article would also seem to disagree (from his postings on another thread) with other things written by the same author (i.e. the author's stance regarding the Mormon practice of baptism for the dead).

So, if you feel like using that article as a basis for a discussion, I would participate. Other than that, though, I personally stand on the two "fundamentals" of Faith Alone for salvation and that "Forgiven by God" means ALL sins are forgiven. It has nothing to do with the reality that all sin has consequences and we may still have to live with consequences of sin, but it DOES speak to being "righteous" in the sight of God based upon what Jesus did for us, not upon what we "do" or "don't do" to earn "right standing" with God.

The question remains, imho, if God forgives all sin (past, present, and future) of a believer, what must a believer DO to "earn" that forgiveness or is it a "gift" of God based solely upon our belief in and acceptance of Jesus as our Lord and Savior?

It seemed in reading that article that the author was crafting his exposition to support a "faith plus works" sort of salvation rather than "Faith Alone" in Christ as the basis for salvation. I did not read enough of the other articles to find out if he also believes that a believer can LOSE his/her salvation after receiving it from God, but it's possible that he is arguing from that standpoint as he formulates his reasoning.

God bless.

FH,

Since I started this thread, I don't mind if you continue this discussion on it.

I have been thinking about this issue a lot recently and feel that the author of that article made some very good points.

When does adultery stop being adultery? I think that is the fundamental question.

If you get saved and continue in a relationship that was previously viewed by God as "adulterous", does becoming saved no longer make it adultery? That doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

It seems to me that Jesus told the woman caught in adultery to go and sin no more, meaning to stop committing the sin.

I agree Sara!

But FH sees "sinning no more" as works.

And repentance isn't necessary - faith alone is the mantra.

If someone steals something from someone else, does that item within the thief's possession ever become legitimately theirs.

I'm sure the thief (perpetrator) thinks so. And I'm also sure as the years go by people who know nothing of the theft may also think so.

But God will always know the truth and origin of the ill gotten goods, and so will the innocent victims.

Jo

Romans 6:1

"What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? 2 Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it? 3 Or do you not know that as many of us as were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death? 4 Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life."