File for Child Custondy now what is going to happen? How long is the process? Can anyone who has been through this walk me through the process or share some light?

It depends on many things, such as your state, whether the custody proposed is contested, whether it is just temporary until a final decree is in order.

You haven't given us enough info here. Start with your state, whether this is for temporary or permanant, is it in conjunction with a divorce, etc. Also know, that the arrangement that is agreed as temporary is typically the one that becomes permanent.

I am living in CA. My two sons are with me and I filed to establish me as the main custodian and then file for a 80% custody of my two son. My ex said he wants 50%, 50% custody and I told him no. I told him I will give him 80%, 20% and he said the only way he will agree to that is if I do not seek child support. Child support is not for me, it is for his children. Please advice...

It's been stated that even if someone says they dont' want CS (child support) the courts might still grant it because they know how expensive it is to raise children.

Many parents seek 50/50 to avoid CS. Consider the parenting your spouse did before the divorce, but keep in mind, some people become better parents after a divorce.
You don't have a say in what you'll "give" him, only in what you propose. Check with your lawyer.

What you will "give" him? Um, isn't he just as much their parent as you? Doesn't matter who worked and who stayed home, that shouldn't be the deciding factor, you both did your part in parenting. Neither parent should have inordinate power over the other.

Please check your foundation before acting like you own the children and he just gets to rent them. Is that the best for them?

Set U Free, if the man is willing to exchange time with his children for MONEY, then WHO do you think has the PRIMARY emotional BOND to the child(ren)??!! How do the KIDS feel?!

If all fathers were caring people closely bonded to their children, your argument would hold water, but many are not.

Studies show that involved men make a WONDERFUL difference, statistically, in children's lives, so it's great when that works out... but I personally have not seen many positive cases.
J

Jenny,

What kind of woman would tell a child their dad was trading time for money? The courts prohibit that, but I know, as well as you do, that this goes on all the time. Besides, read this post again, that doesn't appear to be the case here. Seems to me the woamn may be trying to usurp the man's authority that she should be sharing.

Maybe you should wonder why you don't see many positive cases of involved dads. Could it be that too many women do all they can to push the father out of the children's life? Here's a suggeston - go sit in family court one day. See the absolute absense of evidence presented by mothers, and how many fathers get their rights stripped away by biased judges. I have spent far too much time in family court, and it happens time and time again - mom makes outrageous claim, judge asks dad to prove it isn't true, judge doesn't believe dad even though mom has NO evidence, children taken from dad.

I used to think dads who were uninvolved were jerks, then after being dealt unfair blow after unfair blow by our biased family court system, now I can understand. I don't agree with them - I will never stop fighting for my kids, but I can sure see where they come from.

To conclude, women might see more involved fathers if they would stop trying to exclude the fathers from the children's lives.

Sadly, what we see in many cases is one parent hoping that the other will be involved in the child's life, parent and take part in activities and family time. Excluding affairs, many marriages fail because one party places importance on Family Committment while the other takes the family for granted.

Now on that we can agree. I try to just live my life as best I can, and I want to be as involved in my children's lives as possible. As my current wife says, it sucks that there are so many dads who don't want to be involved, and here I am sacrificing so much time and money, just to get removed from my chilren's lives. I would, and have, given anything to be involved.

A sad state of affairs our family courts have given us.

The reason why I said I would wave child support for full custody of my children is because my ex said he would only agree to two weekend a month with my two sons if I do not seek child support. If he truly love his children, he would not have any problem paying child support to help me raise our children. My father in law has two wifes, my ex mother commited sucided due to his cheating, so no, if I can get full custody of my two sons, I would do it. My ex has been cheating for five years that I put up with. How many chances should a person has? Five years is a very long time to live with someone who lies to you, cheat on you, spend all your hard earned money on his girlfriend. This is not the kind of husband that I want for myself or anyone else.

Set You Free, I do agree with you that he is as much their parent as I am, but if he truly love them, then paying child support would not be a problem. He is not looking out for the interests of my two sons, he is looking out for his own interest.

Wasn't it your offer that he "accepted?" Maybe he feels that is his only choice to get out of the constant battling.

Based on your constant referrals to his cheating, and no other evidence of him being a bad father, it sure seems there may be some bitterness clouding your judgment.

Bitterness clouds who's judgment, Mr. SYF?

Moonlight - since you've been singled out by the father of the year, you may want to put him on ignore if you find his responses as disturbing as I find them. He's on ignore for me as of right now.

Thanks for the suggestion Kayla! Yes, SYF one-sided comments are disturbing!

KaylaAndy hears a woman say the man is bad, and that is enough for her! No evidence needed in her courtroom! they do need more family court judges, and you seem to fit the requirements.

Sad to see that an honest search for the truth and a request for someone to self-examine themselves and their motives disturbs you.

Here's an idea - before you jump on someone's bandwagon, make sure they are giving all the facts and actually have a case. Listen to both sides of the story. When someone is claiming they have done nothing wrong, but the other person is horrible, BEWARE!!! That is a huge red flag. Most relationships do not have someone at 100% fault. When someone makes that claim, they are hiding something.

Set You Free,

I am not perfect, no one is including you, but after trying to fix my marriage and puting up with a serial cheater for five years that says something about my charactor as a wife and a mother. It is obvious that you got major issues in your life. I'm guessing that maybe your ex wife got 100% custody of your children with child support. If you want help, you're in the right place, but it seems to me that you're extremely close minded, which you may not get the advice you need from everyone here.

Best of luck to you!

Moonlight, never said I was perfect, and putting up with a cheater doesn't make you any better than Hillary.

Seems you just don't like when people ask you to prove your contentions. You haven't actually told us anything to support your idea to remove the children from their father. Sorry that is disturbing to you, but claiming I have problems isn't going to help your boys.

Ceasing the attacks on their father will do more to help them than anything else you could do. I read somewhere to never bad mouth your ex in front of the kids - it ruins the moment they figure it out for themselves. Try that and see what happens.

Better yet, try to make yourself happy, and see your outlook change. Talk about closed minded......

does anyone know how I can remove set you free from my post. He obviously got issues with his one sided mind...

Yes, click on his name and select "Ignore this poster" on his profile. It won't remove his words or prevent him from posting to you, but you will not have to see it.

Boo hoo! Set you free won't listen to my fabrications!

Moonlight, you obviously don't want help, you just want a pity party. I'm not the only one who has asked you to give us info to help you, but you haven't given any. You may not like how I give my advice, but that doesn't make me closed minded.

You are obviously a typical woman who hates her ex and will stop at nothing, even going so far as to hurt her OWN CHILDREN, to get back at him.

Good luck to your kids - they obviously need it.