So you contacted attorneys today? Did any of the offer a free consultation?

I found this by googling legal aid in WI:

http://www.wisbar.org/AM/Template.cfm?Section=Wisconsin_Legal_Services_Agencies

My free consult was via telephone, and what I got out of it is what I just posted! (Not much)

How many did you call? Did they all operate the same way?

Mel, could you ask Mr. W if he would come over here and lend a hand, please???? I know he practises in another area of law, but maybe he could help out in general terms.

Thanks!

Well folks Ima just keep posting...

DD & I just got done re-arranging the basement. DS is w/H overnight. The basement was always H's domain - his workshop, tv, drums & chair/loveseat are/were down there. He was only ever allowed to smoke in the basement. Honestly, for years I've kept in the back of my head what I'd do w/the basement if he ever left, and tonight we did just that. Some of the drums are still here so I moved them to the side (OK I DRAGGED them, I couldn't resist) and set up a little TV room for the kids & we moved their air hockey table down there too. It's weird, there were quite a few triggers down there but I did OK, but I realized that H has always had his own apartment. It's just that for the past 10 yrs, it's been in the basement.

What's next is even weirder...I've been thinking, and I just don't want to start up w/an attorney. H came & went when he picked up DS & no money was exchanged, my mortgage(s) is late, and I haven't got it all figured out yet, but I just don't want to go there. This "Plan B" is going TOO well for me - no contact has been attempted (now who is it that owes me a soda?) and I just don't want to take it there. NOTHING about the H that currently exists appeals to me, but I don't want to give up. And I fear that having an attorney contact him or draw something up will be the final push. I'm not ready. I'm as dark as I can get, it's been 3 weeks, now how do I get my husband back?

Julie, you can't have your H back unless he agrees to the terms of your letter. That is all up to him, NOT YOU.

Secondly, if you don't file for D and get some legal protection, you may lose your house. It looks to me like your H does not intend on paying your bills and that presents a huge problem. You say you "aren't ready;" well, are you ready to lose your home? A divorce can be STOPPED, but losing your home from foreclosure cannot be undone.

By not filing for D and forcing him support his family, you are training him to be a BUM. That is in NO ONE's best interest. If you avoid filing D because you have irrational fears about "pushing him away" you will be ENABLING HIM to be a bum and putting your own security at risk.

If you file for D and get your legal protection in place, your H will still have an opportunity to meet the conditions of your PBL and you can stop the D. That opportunity has not been removed.

Remember the goal here: to PROTECT YOURSELF while doing the best thing for your marriage.

OK, but I'll have to do it on my own! C'mon...I can't spell it out any more plainly than...I don't have $2K+! I'm seeing other threads here of people having gotten their D papers filled out, by hand, by the WS. I understand that the attorney adds a little more "scare"/real factor, but if I'm going to borrow money it's going to be to bring me current, not pay an attorney for what will hopefully end up all for not!

Just figure it out, Julie. Do what you have to do to get your H to pay the bills.

Have you called Legal aide?

I did not get thru to Legal Aide. I will try them on Mon during my lunch. Today is my "last chance" to get money out of H when he drops off DS. Fingers tightly crossed...

Don't be afraid of filing for divorce, Julie. If he wants to come back and meet the conditions of the your letter, he won't let that stop him.

OK. "Maybe THAT will be the REAL PUSH he needs..."

Thing is, we keep saying that. I'm still fighting for somebody who doesn't want me!

We will see!

Julie, you can go to divorcenet.com and search for your state. You can purchase the papers to file from them. Then you just follow the instructions. You only need to do the most basic information to get it on file. You can always go back and amend it with more information if you need to (maybe by then you can afford an attorney or you can drop the suit). Your main concern at the beginning is to get temporary orders in place to protect you financially. Here are some FAQ concerning WI divorce law written by a WI law firm:

1. How do I begin divorce proceedings?

To begin a divorce, you must file a Summons and Petition for Divorce. Your spouse must be served with this Summons and Petition for Divorce within 60 days after you file. You can file a motion with the Court asking that this 60-day deadline be extended but it would be up to the judge assigned to your case whether or not to extend this deadline. There are two ways you can serve papers on your spouse: (1) Your spouse can sign an Admission of Service or (2) a process server or police department/sheriff's department can serve the papers.

2. What do I do if I am served with divorce papers?

You must file a written Response and Counterclaim within 20 days from the date you are served with the Summons and Petition for Divorce. This must be sent to the Court with a copy sent to your spouse or his/her attorney. If you do not file a written response, the Court could enter a default judgment against you in the future. If you want the divorce as well, you should also file a Counterclaim for Divorce. This means that if your spouse changes his/her mind in the future and asks that the divorce be dismissed, the Court could deny that request and grant you a judgment of divorce instead on your counterclaim.

3. What if I don't want a divorce?

In Wisconsin, we have a "no fault" state. The only grounds for a divorce is irretrievable breakdown or an inability to repair the marriage. Because it takes two willing people to have a marriage, the Court will most likely grant a judgment of divorce even if only one party wants the divorce as long as one party testifies that he or she feels that the marriage is irretrievably broken and that the marriage cannot be repaired.

4. How long does a divorce take?

There is a 120-day waiting period in Wisconsin during which your divorce cannot be finalized. Most divorces take between six months and one year to finalize although it can be longer if there are contested issues.

5. How do I support myself or see my children while the divorce is pending?

In most cases, temporary orders need to be set which are effective during the time it takes to complete your divorce action. These temporary orders could cover custody, placement, support, maintenance, temporary use of personal property and/or bank accounts, temporary use of the marital residence, and temporary allocation of debts. While these orders are temporary and should have no bearing on the final outcome of your divorce, in reality, many courts continue temporary orders as permanent orders if they appear to work (i.e. placement schedules).

6. How do I obtain these temporary orders?

To request temporary orders, you must file an Order to Show Cause for Temporary Orders and Affidavit for Temporary Orders. These documents compel your spouse's appearance at a first or temporary hearing which is almost always scheduled before a court commissioner rather than a judge. This first or temporary hearing is usually scheduled within four to six weeks of the date you request a hearing.

7. What if I don't like the court commissioner's decision?

If you do not agree with the court commissioner's orders at this first or temporary hearing or any other hearing before a court commissioner, you may request a Hearing De Novo before the judge assigned for your case. A Hearing De Novo is a hearing where the judge hears the matter as if it had not been heard before and is not supposed to give any deference to the court commissioner's decision.

8. What if my spouse leaves me for someone else or is living with someone else?

Because Wisconsin is a "no-fault" state, one party's infidelity is irrelevant for most issues. The court cannot consider this fact in dividing property awarding maintenance, setting support or other financial matters. It can impact on custody and placement issues, however, if this significant other has a negative or harmful impact on the minor children.

Hope this helps.

Thank you, PrincessMeggy! You are peach! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well that does it, I am shaking with rage. You could not have told me how ANGRY I'd be! Response came in from IM RE: money, which I actually determined to be $250/wk. "He says he cannot afford that. He will give you 50% of his check once he gets on his feet."

SHOCK #84 of 2008.

Duh, he's NEVER going to be "on his feet" at the rate he's going/not working. OH yes, I will be filing, for sure. I have NO idea how I will put groceries in my fridge this week, DD & I are gathering old clothes for the resale shop, and he's dropping DS off EVEN EARLER than planned all in preparation for his grand event this evening. I think I might sell those drums & anything else of his I can find around here.

OH MY GOSH I am angry.

Oh Julie, that's terrible but not surprising. That's why you need to get his butt in court ASAP so he doesn't have the choice of whether he can "afford" to support his family. I understand you're scrounging to get money just to live at this point, but seriously, if you can drum up the money for the filing, I would do it ASAP. Legal aid will do it for free but if it's anything like my town, there's a waiting list.

(((Julie)))

P.S. Sell the d*mn drums!

Cell phone: cut

There's a pretty nice ladder here too. Some windows, sky-lites, left overs from jobs. Thing is, I don't think I can legally sell anything. I can cut that phone though...with the quickness.

OK folks I hope you're still with me, been quite the morning...H just dropped DS off & gave me an envelope. 'Course I'd hoped it'd be money but indeed it is not. It's a letter. I REALLY want to read it. Can I read it? I'm sure I'll just end up crying more but since I'm already filing, what worse could be in there? My only alternative is to have IM (H's sister) read it & I'm not sure that'll do much good. Can I read it & then pretend I didn't, and have IM return it to him, saying to refer back to the PBL?

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to read it.

I read them. I've got things to do.