my wife and i have been separated for about 10 months. all do the affair she was having with a man from work. i did the crying and begging and pleading with her. told her that he was only out to use her. well after all this time guess what? she found out the hard way. she has called me for someone to talk to because she said that i always had something to say to make her feel better. and that i always comforted her.

our court date is scheduled for jan. 24th. she says that she needs time to heal before she can decide what to do about us. i have told her that i have waited for 10 months for her to realize all this, but only now at the end. i told her that i'm willing to work things out and earn back her trust. but i will not do it after the 24th of this month. i will start over but not after we are divorced.

do i make sense? is it right for me to say that? what should i do? and i thought i was loosing it before! need help! please!

I am right now at the point you had 10 months ago. She moves out today- with my help moving some furniture and packing. I know things will turn back around just like they are for you eventually.

However, I would recommend what my plan is. Throw a plan B letter at her. In it you will state under what conditions would need to be met before you would even consider working things out. Coming out to family, friends, kids, STD test, counseling for X amount of time, etc, etc, etc. Be creative. Someone who isn't sure how they feel wouldn't commit to doing all of the things to have a relationship again, and it may save you from heartache later.

Im no Veteran here, but I have earned my combat badge nontheless.

Any others have input?

i can see that she is sincere in her hurt. she says that she fell for this other man and he in turn hurt her and she needs time to get over it. i am fine with that and we have already talked about the issues that i'll have with her if we are to work things out.

as a matter of fact, i'm already coming up with terms and trying to find a counselor, etc,etc,etc. it's not that she's not sure, she says she just needs time to heal. how much longer do i wait or do i even wait at all?

mikey-

Sorry you have to be here but this is the best place to be in these circumstances.

You might want to post this on the General Questions forum. There's more traffic there and some of the vets who have been where you are may be able to give you some good advice.

Hang in there-