|
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 1,816
Administrator Member
|
Administrator Member
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 1,816 |
BestAdvocate,
I'm sure mikey077 has heard enough discouraging, uneducated advice from acquaintances. He came here to learn Harley's MarriageBuilder's concepts & principles.
You were asked to refrain from giving advice to newcomers until you yourself learned these concepts.
Either honor your agreement or leave the board.
JustUss
Administrator/Moderator
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
BA - I know you have had some run ins with some of the folks here. However, I hope you will read some of the stuff. Yes, there are some folks for whom the program here won't work. We teach our members how to handle those folks too.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
BA:
This man is SUFFERING from his W's infidelity and is coming to MBer's to get HELP.
This is not the place or time for your philosophical discussion.
As others have recommended to you, go to the ENs part of the forum.
Last edited by mimi_here; 01/12/08 07:46 PM.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,584
Member
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,584 |
I would suggest that anyone who takes issue with the Harleys' method, pursues their argument with the Harleys direct. The Harleys are in a much better place to defend their concepts than 'ordinary' people struggling with the agony of infidelity.
Telling a patient who has just being diagnosed with cancer that you have reservations about the treatment they're being offered, is not kind or useful. If you don't actually know much about that treatment, then your 'wisdom' is not wise at all.
If you can't offer evidence that the MB method is consistently damaging, then you're simply criticising it for having a less than 100% success rate. I don't believe the Harleys claim that kind of blanket success, and of course there will be situations for which MB is ineffective. But, if MB doesn't work, I suspect no other marriage recovery strategy will work either, for the same reasons. If it fails, it's almost inevitably because of some well-hidden problem, and the failure exposes this. It may, in fact, be the only way to get to the real problem.
Some cancer strategies may have a 50% success rate. Dissuading someone on the basis of that statistic is cruel, if there is no other strategy with a better record.
TA
"Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people." - Spencer Johnson
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
THANKS, JUSTUSS..I missed your post..I appreciate YOU!
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 59
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 59 |
I am not giving you advice, just asking you questions.
BA
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
It is not helpful to answer your questions.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
BA, have you even read ONE of Harley's books?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 29
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 29 |
i do greatly appreciate all the feedback folks but, what i don't is the bickering.i have read dr. harley's books. and while i don't have them on me right now( gave them to my friend to read as helpful tool for her marriage. she was got married in nov.) i do know what they say and believe in them fully. thank you justuss. my wife wants it back. she says she needs it back. she says she can't believe she let him take it from her. and yes she does admit to letting him in to do that. she says she just doesn't know where to start. you help is always welcomed. all of you thank you. god bless of you in your lives and marriages. i'm very lucky to have this forum and people like you all to turn to. again, help is still wanted, needed and very much appreciated. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Yeah, the bickering gets old. But we are always worried that someone who doesn't know the MB plan will get discouraged when their marriage could perfectly well be saved.
Almost all WS's act the same, say the same things, believe the same things, and can be reached with the same techniques.
I'm very hopeful for your marriage. Stick with us, and we will help you through this.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 29
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 29 |
thank you for the encouragement believer. i talked to her tonight and we are spending some time together tomorrow. we're taking in a movie. it's a start. she just says over and over again how could she be so stupid to let him in and take everything. the best thing i could tell her is that we are human and we all make mistakes. some people might say that what she did doesn't merit forgivness. but, " he who is without sin cast the first stone." no one in this world could do that. she made a mistake and as long as she is sincere, i will give her another chance. the lord does it everyday.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412
Member
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412 |
mikey,
This forum is full of people who have forgiven their wayward spouses and recovered their marriages. We believe in forgiveness and saving marriages, and most of us have first hand knowledge of the ravages of infidelity. I think you'll find that most people here will not condemn your wife. We're here to encourage you in your quest to lead her back to the marriage. So....for your movie today....how are you going to make this as enjoyable as possible? What do you think should you avoid while spending time with your wife?
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 29
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 29 |
i'm sure there are a lot of things to avoid. but i guess one of the biggest ones is not to question her to death. i don't know, what else is there not to do? my mind is still kind of blank from the shock of her admiting she was wrong.
|
|
|
0 members (),
120
guests, and
52
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
|
|
Children
by BrainHurts - 10/19/24 04:02 PM
|
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,614
Posts2,323,458
Members71,888
|
Most Online3,185 Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|