Hey hopenpray, it's way late here in California. I'm up finishing homework.

Does OW know who you are...does she know what you look like? Is that car only in his name?

I pray your WH comes to his senses. I never though I would become a BW. It hurts, ya know? And I really feel the pain of other BSs.

You can find some information on soul-ties on the internet. They are like Godly and unGodly influences. I haven't read anything from the internet, only a book and a couple of my Sisters in Christ talked to me about it when I found out about my WH's other life. It's hard for me to explain it in detail. I think you will understand it more if you go through some info on the 'net.

She knows who I am or rather she knows my car.Her eldest son came to my house once without my permission mind you!!!
He will recognize my car too.His car is in his name only.

Some people say she looks like me!!I haven't seen her up close though.

I will look up soul-ties on the net..thanks
Having an ok day thanks,...my mind works overtime though...
WH is coming to fetch DS15 just now as he agreed to spend 2 nights with his dad...he hasn't been there for 6 weeks..says he doesn't speak to OP.
We will see if he remembers to not come in the house..

Well WH came and walked up to the front door..DS15 was carrying stuff out to the car.I heard him ask if DS17 was here.He was in the pool...WH told DS15 to tell DS17 he said Hi.

I know WH must have hated not been able to control the situation.I know its a small thing but I think part of plan B is a psychological battle..WH doesn't have control in MY territory.
Soul-ties was an interesting read..heart-breaking too if you think they are forging a spiritual connection with another...

Yes, plan B is a psychological battle. That's good you are taking control of YOU. It was hard for me to not call my WH, but I'm doing it now. That is not calling him. Yes, I do feel sad, BUT I feel very good, too. My life is less stressful.

Yeah that soul-ties thing is pretty "meaty". Continue to put God FIRST. Praise Him even when you think life sucks. Tell him 'Thank You' even when you are depressed or angry.

Also, keep praying for your husband and the OW. You maybe thinking, heck no I'm not praying for her, but God tells us to bless our enemies and not curse them...to love our neighbors. Pray that she will get a husband of her own!

I've always wondered what to pray for OW,now I know!!

I had 2 missed calls from WH earlier...I'm sure he realizes now that I'm serious about no contact,I've never not taken his calls before this last week.Its a small victory for me.

Every morning I drive passed a church and they put a banner up explaining the theme of each Sunday.Last week was "Fighting for the family" and this week is "fight for hope" these are messages for me..!!!

A friend at work is fasting for 2 weeks..she only eats fruit and veggies and drinks H2O and fruit juice..also she says no sex!!
She told me today that her pastor spoke about BELIEVING in what you ask as if you have it already.I must say WH IS coming home...

Do you guys talk to your family and friends about MB concepts?What do they think?

I'm feeling warm and fuzzy reading this, my spirit wants me to share something w/you..something my sister in Christ shared w/me this morning.

You talked about a banner and those missed phone calls being a "small" victory. Nothing is too small or big for God. Those ARE messages for you. Do you know the different names of God? Here's one in regards to that banner you see everymorning...oh also wanna tell you to plant or keep those messages in your heart.

Here's what she shared with me about one of the names of God and the relation to the banner you see everyday and what the banner means in relation to Him:

oh I also forgot to add that you should speak "life" into your WH, your marriage and yourself. Speaking "life" is speaking the Word of God over and speaking on things that you believe will happen and believing it will. Don't just look at what's in front of you. Remember we walk by faith and not by sight. Your friend is right, you only need to pray about something once and believe it's done. Pray and don't worry.

No I don't share the MB info with them. But if I was aware that there was infidelity going on I would tell them.

That is such encouraging news.God really does work in mysterious ways!!

Last night I was feeling down and I was reading the FAQ'S on rejoiceministries.com,the answers are uplifting if ever you need a boost.
My1st, what country are you from?
Its midday here and I'm working the afternoon/night shift so I won't be chatting later,its difficult at work..no time.

Hey Hope,

I'm thinking about you. How are you doing?

I worked till 8pm last night then I went to a party.Only got home at 2am!!I'm now at work it's 11am here....roll on one o clock!!

DS15 slept over at WH and DS17 told me that WH had a chat with him and he was in tears..I phoned him and he said he will tell me about it on <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Sun..DD15 has been having a hard time lately and wouldn't go to WH at all...I hate that WH is hurting my kids so..

I am still praying for WH but not so frantically anymore...if you know what I mean..I've given him over to God...Whatever happens happens...I have no control over WH...I'm going to give him the impression I've really moved on....my friend says I should say something like..I've realised that maybe this divorce is for the best for both of us,I can see that now!!...

Hi Hope,

I am so glad you are doing better. I want to ask a few clarifying questions. I think where you are getting to with respect to letting your H go is awesome and something that both you and I are learning to do.

What I want to know is, are you in Plan A or Plan B. If you are in Plan A, then I have a few more questions. If you are in Plan B, a letter has been sent, why are you talking to WH?

I am on my way out for a while, not sure I will be back until later tonight. So I will check just as soon as I can.

I went into plan B in Oct 07.WH weaseled his way into coming in the house around Dec..so I didn't do a very good plan.After he read the MB notes I gave him and he said they didn't change his mind,I wrote him a "love must be tough" letter.2 days later I told him I wanted to go back to the conditions of PBL,he was furious with me and said its time I accepted this!!!I told him there was no reason to come in the house and I needed to move on...that he had made his choice....

That was a week ago.. since then he tried to make contact by cell phone a few times and I didnt answer..just switched it off...1st time I've done this!!!!felt good.

At work at the moment,I hate working weekends!!This afternoon I'm going with friends and kids to another concert in the park..gonna be great!!

The last time I spoke to WH he said "I still think you'll never get over this affair if I came back"He has said this a few times..so frustrating..I told him I had learnt a lot about affairs and we both know what is needed to recover..I told him I had already forgiven him in my heart...that made him feel bad..could see on his face.He said if he did come back he would give our marriage 100% of himself..

I have to let him think that this time I have REALLY MOVED ON.He still knows the backdoor is ajar!!

Anyway with the divorce loaming I worry it will get ugly..so its a good thing about no contact!!

What makes a WH come out of the fog?

DS15 is hurting terribly and you would think this would wake them up...WH was extremely close to DS15..his children were his life...now he says things to them like.."if I don't phone you its cos I've got nothing to say"!!!

WH is going away on business for a few days..hoping time away from OP might clear his mind...

I really wish I could get inside his head..I really want to show him that I'm over him...he still knows I want him back..maybe I should let him think I'm seeing someone..!!

Hope,

I don't think I ever posted to you before... I don't think it's a good idea to make him think you're seeing someone else.

I just ordered some books that I hope helps my situation. My divorce will be final 21 days from when it is signed by the judge. Maybe they can also help you.

It's written by Bob Steinkamp it's called The prodigals perspective. Something guided me to the thread on this site (in prayers) about the prodigal son. Read that thread maybe it may help.

(((Hope)))

Still

G-D is really the only one who reaches our WH and brings them out of the fog. It's not us.

YOU CAN'T, besides, YOU DON'T WANT TO. HE IS AN ALIEN, SICK, ICKY AND TOO WARPED TO UNDERSTAND.

NO...NO...NO.. First, you are married and trying to make him jealous is breaking your own commandment against G-d. YOU CAN'T MAKE HIM THINK ANYTHING OR CONTROL WHAT HE THINKS. He is an ALIEN. They are unpredictable and dangerous. If you are in Plan B you should be having no contact with him. This would also not be honest and open and you don't want to do that either.

Hope, you and I are so similar. This need to fix, control and do is going to be our undoing. Leave him to G-D. He has plans for you to prosper. Stop concentrating on what he is doing and just turn your life and your will over to G-d. He knows what is going on and will turn this into good. HAVE FAITH..... Talk to G-d, ask him for help, ask him what HE wants you to do.

Don't try to play a mind game with a WW. YOU WON'T WIN AND I pretty much can guarantee, you will get hurt BAD. Worse than you are now.

BE STILL.... FOCUS ON YOU AND YOUR NEW LIFE.... Leave your WW to G-d....

Hi there my internet was down for a while at home but I'm back on track..I am exactly the same....always trying to fix and control...its scary not being in control of a situation....

Yesterday I bumped into my EXBIL and I hardly ever see him..anyway we got talking about WH and OP.In the past he has never wanted to talk about them as WH was hanging out with him a lot..He told me that when he first met OP she blatantly flirted with him all the time..hanging on him,sitting up close against him..etc.He said it got so bad that he took her aside and spoke to her..His girlfriend was furious and phoned her and told her off!!
He says she flaunts herself around just as my kids said..

The strange thing is my EXBIL cheated on my sis with her best friend who his still with..so the 4 of them are all deceitful and dishonest...wheres the trust there!!

I don't know if WH was aware of her flirting with him..
EXBIL doesn't see WH much anymore cos he says WH is drinking too much and he can't understand where his mind is.

My DS15 had words with WH last week but he won't talk about it..DS17 said he was crying and shouting at WH..DS15 did say he told WH how he felt about OP..

Today at work 2 collegues where disputing the following..
1 said God only helps those who help themselves and the other disagreed..both are strict christians..what do you think?

WH is away om business at the moment and I've been asking God to sent a godly person into his life while his away from OP for a few days..

I spoke to my collegue who left his wife for one year and moved in with OP..he made her pregnant but still went back to his wife in the end.He says OP wont be able to please him all the time and he will think of his home and family..
he keeps saying give him time it wont last..

He is about the same age as WH.He says the sex also calms down!!He thought of his wife all the time..I just can't imagine WH thinking of me..friend said he guarantees me he does..

My problem is I keep trying to think logically and I know thats a mistake with a WH!!!

Stillhurting I have also read the post about the Prodigal Son. Thought it was excellent.I printed it out to read for inspiration...I get Charlynnes daily emails which are great..
Books here are expensive to buy..and they don't keep Dr Harleys books in the library either..I can order Surviving an affair but it might be a waste with the divorce looming..is there a lot more info in the book than whats on the site?

You've really had a hard time with your WH..why do they lose their minds after 20 odd years of marriage?this should be the time when we can enjoy our time together as kids are older..I feel robbed too because WH is doing well financially and I've stuck by him thro' the difficult years and now OP will reap the benefits and I'll be going backwards..I'll just keep playing the lottery!!

Hopenpray,

I haven't recieved the books yet... they said 7-10 days. Hopefully sooner. I'm sure there is more than on the website.

I just started getting the daily e-mails from Charlynne and they have been helping.

About the books see if your library can borrow from another library. I know my local library can do that with some of the larger towns. It might be worth checkng out.

If we only knew why WS's leave marriages after 20 something years we would be rich. It has to be something missing within themselves.

When I get the books I'll share if you would like. It's never a waste... look at me my divorce is just about final and I'm still praying for the real man my H was to find his way back.

Still