I would just like to apologize for my posts of late.

No excuses I just guess I am still just so ANGRY about my FWH having an A that i sometimes take it out on the world and that is not fair to the posters on this board.

I sometimes think it is not a good idea to keep coming here because it just reminds me of the A but i am just somehow drawn to come back every day to check on others progress.

Again I am truly sorry for all of my negative posts.

SC

your pain and your anger is understandable. For the most part, we possess pretty thick skin around here.

I hope you find some peace and a way to constructively channel your hurt/anger.

We will be here when you need help.

All part of the process SC. If it were not so,
you wouldn't be making any progress in the grief dance that we all had to dance.

Stay strong and lift your head up once and while, it will help.

All Blessingss,
Jery

I hope that someday i will get past all of my anger. I really do not like the person i have become.

Still_crazy:

It shows a lot of character to apologize, IMHO.

I don't know your whole story, or how long you have been in recovery, but I can tell you that it takes a long time to heal, and there is no way out but through.

I saw this with my H. He often told me that he didn't like the person he had become. He was very angry also.

Now that we are some years out in recovery, he likes himself more, and he is definitely less angry. While things will never be the same (but life is change, after all), things can still be good, very good even.

Are you doing things for yourself? Taking care of your health? Exercise really helped my husband....I have to say that he is in the best shape of his life since he was a college athlete. And it helps to burn off the anger in a constructive way.

Take care.

PK

Well this is just another example of how much i still concentrate on the A. Saturday 01/19 is the 1 yera anniversary of D-Day.

My FWH and i kind of did things bassackwards though due to his serious illness shortly after D-Day. Sometimes i wonder if that is part of the problem.

SC,

There are alot of people hurting here, so you aren't the only one saying "I don't need this". All this stuff keeps us from the real purpose of the board. It's easy to get sucked in and not unusual for the emotions swirling around infidelity to get all mixed up with the chaos that has plagued this board lately.

Recovery isn't always a straight line....especially when things like illness and other crises get in the way. If you're anticipating the nasty memories that this anniversary will bring....maybe you could plan something special for that day that you can begin to commemorate instead?

((((((((((((((((((SC))))))))))))))))))))

Well i had thought about that but am still undecided. As i said before i still just have so much anger and i do not like to project it onto my FWH because i know he is truly remorseful and i do not want to make him feel even worse than he already does.

I am not sure i can put on my happy face that day and try to make it a different thing.

Hopefully one day.

You're only one year out? That's not long at all, really. At one year we were still struggling, in many ways. As for anniversaries, every month for over a year my H would mention that it was the monthly anniversary of Dday - so believe me it was on his mind 24/7. Naturally my birthday fell on the anniversary day...the celebration was pretty flat, for sure.


I'm sure it contributed to your overall stress, and stress is the last thing you need more of in recovery. I hope that your H is better now. ??

PK

He is better now but the illness was very serious and because of it he had to have part of his lung removed so he will have everlasting consequences from it.

He keeps saying it was god punishing him for the A <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />. I tell him that god would not do that, it just happened at that time.

Oh my goodness i don't know what i did to my above post but hopefully you can figure out what i was trying to say LOL!

Still Crazy, some of us just need to let that anger out or it will consume us. We just need to find constructive ways to do it. I find the batting cages help....

As for those with thick skins, I'd listen to them more than the "I don't like what you said so I am blocking you" variety. Those people seem to carry some latent guilt, and aren't that helpful.

Patience is a virtue - failing to listen to all points of view, or insisting things that are unfair are not, is not.

I try to listen to all points of view on just about everything in my life. Not that it seems like it always but i do try.

I guess i am still just feeling sorry for myself. I know that it is all about my stuff not his so i just have to find a way to work through it.

SC....LOL....I think that at the end of the first quote there wasn't a [ /quote ] to stop the quotation....so that's why it formatted that way.

Unfortunately, you had a particularly invasive and persistent OW who created havoc for months.....called incessantly, broke into your house, cause problems at work, even offered to pay your H to help her with the sexual suit etc. That's a nightmare chere! She did some really nasty things and kept your life in an uproar for a long time. It's no wonder you're still pretty angry about it! So please give yourself more time, because I think the "fatal attraction" style OWs take a long time to deal with.

I don't really know what the "variety" of people the previous poster is alluding to....but most of the people here don't put others on ignore. If they did....there wouldn't be so many arguments LOL. I don't agree with the "latent guilt" thing either. For me...since I was the BS....I never felt guilty....I was a good wife and didn't deserve what happened to me.

Make up your own mind about whose posts are valuable to you and appreciate what each person has to bring to the table. But also know that you aren't imagining that things have gotten really ugly around here of late. I'm glad you recognize your own personal fight with that....it's triggering for you. While there's nothing you can do about how other people post.....you can address your own stuff and I think that's really brave. Be encouraged....because recognition is the first step towards conquering your own demons.

((((((((((((((((SC)))))))))))))))))))

I am glad to hear you say this, i have never had anyone say this before. It makes me feel a little better. I think because of her "fatal attraction" ways, i still keep waiting for her to try to contact my FWH again.

I hate that i let her have such control over my emotions. It is just like she is still there when she hasn't been for a long time.

SC,

When somebody is that crazy....they make you feel crazy because they're so unpredictable. I had to deal with a really sick individual too....but fortunately for me....at that time we were moving so so much that even our family couldn't keep up with us. It gave me some insulation that you haven't had. I cannot imagine how scary it must be to know that this woman is still lurking about. It's got to raise the ick factor and fear.

Also, I think it would really help if your H would change his cellphone number....I know he's requested it....but has it happened yet?

I wish there was someone to really empower you so that you felt safer. You have as many triggers to deal with as the victim of any crime.....it's traumatizing....just like a rape would be. On top of that....you had a life threatening illness to deal with that forced you to put your own feelings on the back burner. So it's perfectly normal for you anger and taker to start saying....it's my turn to get a break.

editted for grammar (could to couldN'T)

Ew, spooky. My 6-yr anniversary is the 19th of January - or is that the 18th?

I keep getting those days mixed up.

Regarding thinking about the A 24/7. I remember a discussion thread about this that I posted 2 within the first year after d-day. The question was "How many times have you thought about the A?" Most people answered with very large numbers, but I said "once," because I just hadn't stopped thinking about it constantly since d-day.

Thankfully, I don't anymore. I still remember it, but I've missed a couple of d-day anniversaries already, and when I do remember them, like now, they don't trigger me anymore.

You'll get there 2. In the meantime, we understand your anger and frustration, and I for one can make allowances for it.

best,
-ol' 2long

They did finally give him a new cell phone but it was another employees phone (the one who left about the same time as OW) and according to my FWH she is still freinds with another guy who works there (according to another friend that i can not verify for sure but the friend was told that she had slept with just about everyone in my FWH office) so she could easily get his number if she wanted too. And the fact that the trade he is in he is bound to have contact with crews that could work with her too (as in the bottle of wine story if you read that) who would have my FWH number. So it is something i am going to have to always deal with.

His company was just recently bought out by another company and he had his e-mail address changed at work effective yesterday but once again if she wanted to know i am sure it would not be hard for her to find out.

I just hope that someday i will be able to not let her control my emotions so much. Maybe after about a year of NC from her i might feel better who knows <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I did read about the bottle of wine....and I completely understood why it was so triggering for you. Could he "block" her number and her email address? I know lots of people who do that. She could get around that too of course....but just that little bit of effort by your H and every little step in the right direction helps.

Someday WILL come SC. Your life was pretty traumatized....and here's the thing....every individual responds to trauma and grief differently. We all have our own timeline....so "how long" will be different from one person to another. If you feel as though you're "stuck" in a phase of recovery.....sometimes it helps to look at "why"? In your case....I think you still feel unsafe and maybe there are some creative ways to help build a better buffer between you and Glenn Close. It just freaks me out this woman was in your house!! Did they dust that TV for prints?? Did the police investigate it?

Well I could block her number (he is very technically challenged <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />) and have done so but the last time she called and spoke to me she used a different number and when she called him on my b-day to offer him the money we do not know what number she called from because it just showed up as Line 1 on his phone.

He does not know how to block her from his e-mail but has told me she has not sent him anything.

Unforyunately the police did not really do anything about the break in. I filed the police report the night it happened, received a phone call from them with my case number and detectives name. I called him and left him a message regarding the occurences of that evening and my suspicions but have never heard another thing from anyone regarding it. No one will ever make me believe it was not her. My FWH finally agrees with me that he thinks too. Nothing else makes sense.