It's been 5 years now. My 47 year old exWS had an affair with a 21 year old. She was 7 months pregnant when I found out about it. I initiated and followed through with a divorce. They lived together, but never married.

Their child was born with Downs Syndrome. My ex kept on saying he didn't feel he could leave her because he couldn't trust that she would take adequate care of the baby when he wasn't around. My ex and I had periodic contact, with him bringing the baby over to my house for about two years after our divorce. We were not sexually involved. I guess I was the "OW" at that point in time. It was always my hope we could reconcile.

I had accepted that the baby would be part of our lives. My ex said he hoped we could get back together, too. But....he continued to live with the OW. She had no mothering instincts whatsoever and wasn't interested in learning any.

Finally I moved to an area about 2 1/2 hours away. He would still periodically call out of the blue professing his love and concern for me. He continued to live with the OW.

Several months had passed by and I hadn't heard from him. I finally got used to it. Then I had a voice mail one day telling me he had throat cancer and would like to hear from me. I said I would talk with him periodically on the phone as a source of support for him....as a friend. He continued to live with the OW.

The OW walked out on him about 2 months after he found out he had cancer. He pretty much raises their son on his own now. And, he's never asked me to come back into his life.....even after the OW left.

Definitely not the happily ever after reconciliation I was hoping for. And he can no longer use the OW as an excuse for us to not be together. The OW no longer stood between us. Amd all of a sudden I stopped hearing from him. He got a diffeent cell phone number which he's never shared with me.

So heads up.....it isn't always the OW that gets in the way of reconciliation in spite of what your ex WS may say.

(((heartmending))) I hope you know how much better off you are without the drama of the OW/OC in your life fulltime. So sorry.

Hey sorry about that...but I feel everything is working out for the best. And you never know, he may call you out of the blue again with his new cell number. Just keep doing your thing.

Heartmending


Did it occur to you think him asking you for help now is maybe too much for him to bear...........he threw away his marriage for some 21 yr old gets her pregnant the baby is born with DS and his gf takes off leaving him with the baby when he gets camcer, this is just my take on it but even I would be to shamed to asked the person that I kicked in the face after pushing them to the ground for help.

good point swan's song...

does he still have your number??

I'm sorry that things turned out this way but I disagree with the idea that you should allow him to contact you anymore.

This guy is a big time cake eater and you have allowed this to go on for 5 years. Of course he still wants to talk every now and then why shouldn't he? You have been there like a doormat, convenient for wiping feet on but other than that not something you give much thought to until your feet need wiping again.

I am willing to bet money that you will hear from him again eventually. He hasn't given you his new number because he isn't thinking about you right now.

Maybe he has found another sympathetic person to fill whatever emotional needs his has right now but as soon as they are out of his life or fail him in some way he will be calling you and crying on your shoulders once again.

You should change your number and move on with your life so that when he tries to contact you he can't. This guy is a selfish piece of work. He is NOT your friend. A friend would know that you would be concerned about them and they would want to make sure that you had a way of keeping in contact.

i completely agree with almondeyes

{{{{{heartmending}}}}}