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neaksis, thanks again for the additional insight. Still disturbing but informative. Oh. Another creepy observation I noted. The OM and the wife's uncle share A LOT of physical characteristics; they look like they could be father and son.
My daughter is in counseling because of all of this, primarily because her mother abandon her but her counselor and I have discussed the messages as well and she's talked to my daughter about them. I'll talk to her counselor again with the additional points I'm able to take away from this discussion. I am leaning toward showing her some of them just so she knows I'm telling her the truth and am dead serious. As I mentioned earlier I told her they were of a sexual nature and this guy was a danger to her but her mom has told her that "he's a nice guy and wouldn't hurt you. He has 2 kids." At the moment however since her mom and the OM are in CA it's not as urgent as if they were in town.
To sum up what I've done legally. I've talked to municipal, county (sex crimes unit), and state law enforcement agencies. Since the messages weren't directly to my daughter, nothing to pursue. I had no trouble getting a RO from the court after judge saw the messages.
I think I've done just about everything I can think of short of hiring a bodyguard (and even in some circumstances, I can see doing that too).
That which does not kill me makes me stronger
OM's desires on my 13-year old daughter
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I'm glad you're protecting your daughter. I would also tell your daughter about your concerns.
I would make copies of the documented information you have about what he said to your wife about your daughters and also hire someone to investigate him. Keep all that information in a file and lock it up.
Pay attention to what Melody is saying. I also think your wife is a danger to your daughter.
I would cut her off financially. She's probably giving the money to him or at least he's benefiting in some way. I would keep copies of all the checks you wrote to her as well and put them in the file too. You may need proof later if she files for back alimony.
If your 13-year-old doesn't have a cell phone, I would seriously consider getting her one. Net10 has a pretty good deal on a trac phone.
Last edited by Soolee; 02/11/08 05:56 AM.
Sooly
"Stop yappin and make it happen."
"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."
Me 47
DH 46
Together for 28 years.
Married 21 years.
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If you have a picture of him or can get a picture of him from a PI, show your daughter.
Sooly
"Stop yappin and make it happen."
"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."
Me 47
DH 46
Together for 28 years.
Married 21 years.
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You know - I would also take whatever safety measures you can at school too. Speak to the principle/vice principle and have them put someone in charge of making sure she gets on the bus or has a safe ride home. Talk to the bus driver personally if she rides the bus. No one needs to know the details - just that there are some custody issues and that these orders need to be adhered to for her safety.
Sooly
"Stop yappin and make it happen."
"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."
Me 47
DH 46
Together for 28 years.
Married 21 years.
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I would also think at 13 this girl knows about predators in general and has come indication of what can and does happen and what her response would be.
She seems to have a vigilant father. Oz, you have a lot to learn. Do you have children? Do you have ANY experience dealing with predators? Any?
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As usual, LadyLayla [ozdreamer], is way off base and only comes here to cause trouble and confusion. sigh..
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I would also think at 13 this girl knows about predators in general and has come indication of what can and does happen and what her response would be.
She seems to have a vigilant father. Well now it seem most prudent to post to Pablo and explain to him why he is much too vigilant. NOT! OZ, Are you are out your mind or what? Do you have any idea how many stepchildren of extramarital affairs are raped and abused every minute. While the WW turns a blind eye rather than risk the benefits of of their immoral and illicit affair? Pablo's wife fits the mold to a tee. Yet you open your mouth and regergitate the BS you just said in the above quote! Get a clue women!! Pablo, you continue to do the noble and honorable thing and protect your innocent D from the vile of this mess. All Blessings, Jerry
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Since my daughter has counseling tomorrow, I sent an email to the counselor about my concerns and we'll probably have a 3-way tomorrow and talk about a few of the messages, what they mean if it's confusing to her, and talk about things she can do to be vigilant herself. I feel bad that part of her childhood has to be robbed this way but seems her mom is insistent on telling her lies about this guy which just keeps the daughter in a state of confusion about the facts. On a lighter note, I told the wife that she's cut off from any more money. If you were outside looking toward the California sky this morning you might have seen her vapor trail as she launched into orbit. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> She tried to tell me that part of that money was to pay 'rent.' (Kinda thought that was getting paid in other ways.)
That which does not kill me makes me stronger
OM's desires on my 13-year old daughter
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She tried to tell me that part of that money was to pay 'rent.' (Kinda thought that was getting paid in other ways.) Thats ok if it was paying rent! She can just get it from the OM now. Good job on cutting off the money. That will put pressure on the OM to step up to the plate now.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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If you were outside looking toward the California sky this morning you might have seen her vapor trail as she launched into orbit. So that's what that was. I was in a bad mood and thought it was me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> t&l
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Heh heh, I thought I saw something, too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Awesome job, Pablo!
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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She seems to have a vigilant father. Well now it seem most prudent to post to Pablo and explain to him why he is much too vigilant. NOT! Maybe I'm misunderstanding this comment by shinethrough, or maybe I misunderstood the original comment by oz, but my take on "She seems to have a vigilant father" is that it's a good thing: vigilant, adjective keeping careful watch for possible danger or difficulties : the burglar was spotted by vigilant neighbors. As opposed to vigilante, as in vigilante justice, usually thought to be a bad thing: vigilante, noun a member of a self-appointed group of citizens who undertake law enforcement in their community without legal authority, typically because the legal agencies are thought to be inadequate. Since my daughter has counseling tomorrow, I sent an email to the counselor about my concerns and we'll probably have a 3-way tomorrow and talk about a few of the messages, what they mean if it's confusing to her, and talk about things she can do to be vigilant herself. Pablo, I admire your diligence and care at protecting your daughter. I think you are doing a great job at being vigilant, and I think it's wise to involve the counselor in preparing your D to be vigilant about protecting herself.
me - 47  H - 39  married 2001 DS 8a  DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy: (Why is DS7b now a blockhead???) (Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)
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Maybe I'm misunderstanding this comment by shinethrough, or maybe I misunderstood the original comment by oz, but my take on "She seems to have a vigilant father" is that it's a good thing:
vigilant, adjective
keeping careful watch for possible danger or difficulties : the burglar was spotted by vigilant neighbors. Thanks Jayne, it was meant as you stated. The problem arose when I put the last comment in a separate post. Some decided to read it separately and single it out to suit their own purpose. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> It seems to be the done thing on MB. I was not intending to comment further, and allow the thread to be hijacked. I stand by what I said and will leave it to Pablo to decide for himself if it is useful to him.
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I would also think at 13 this girl knows about predators in general and has come indication of what can and does happen and what her response would be. Jayne..I think this is the part of her quote that has people bothered. These words are, at best, uninformed. At best. Anyone with even the slightest bit of knowledge of child sexual abuse would not write those words.
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I would also think at 13 this girl knows about predators in general and has come indication of what can and does happen and what her response would be. Jayne..I think this is the part of her quote that has people bothered. These words are, at best, uninformed. At best. Anyone with even the slightest bit of knowledge of child sexual abuse would not write those words. If you read them in the context they were MEANT, there would be nothing *************EDIT********* **************EDIT************** I am going back to edit and add the disputed sentence to the original post, ************EDIT***********THEN, I will repost espcially for you and highlight the main parts. ***********************EDIT****************
Last edited by JustUss; 02/12/08 11:18 AM.
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Wow, I think you are way off base! A 13 year old is PLENTY old enough to know the truth about a predator who has chosen HER as his intended victim. I believe it would be practically a crime to not let her know what she is dealing with, so she can equip herself with whatever means of protection necessary. For all we know, she could be writing the guy emails from a friend's house, thinking he is her buddy. She needs the truth NOW!
Think of this..
What if Pablo were to be hit by a truck tomorrow, and no longer around to protect her. Who would be left to be her advocate?
BTW, If she finds out later that her dad would not give her the truth, she will have NOBODY to trust. You can think I am way off base as much as you like. I'm only inerested in the facts , not thinking of the worst that could happen and reacting to that. The facts are that this guy is a long way way and there is a RO in place. There is NO immediate threat to this child. if that changed I would be changing my opinion. Any communication is being monitored. In the current situation everything is being done to proptect this girl. The whole thing could turn around tomorrow and her mother could see sense and come home very remoresful about what she has done and who she has exposed her child to. That is a far nore likely senario than the father being hit by a bus! So my position is, the child's relationship with her mother has precedence at this stage until it is proven she is in some immediate danger or her mother is never coming home again and is going to be permanently with this creep. Then drastic action needs to be taken. Edited to ADD !! >>>> I would also think at 13 this girl knows about predators in general and has come indication of what can and does happen and what her response would be. She seems to have a vigilant father.
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Don't bother replying. ************EDIT***********:
Last edited by JustUss; 02/12/08 11:14 AM.
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Daughter's counseling went about as I expected. We covered 3 of the messages and explained the implications which she understood but still seems a bit wary. When she got home, she emailed her mom about it and asked her what her part of the conversation was. THAT should be an interesting reply (and cause for another launch).
That which does not kill me makes me stronger
OM's desires on my 13-year old daughter
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Good for her. Mom SHOULD be accountable. Bet she won't be expecting THAT question from her daughter. Whatever she says, I hope your daughter tells you so you can interpret the babble that's likely to spew forth.
Good job on letting your daughter know and getting her counseling about it. This must really be tough on her. Thank God she has a dad that's looking out for her best interests.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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