I found this letter I wrote several months ago. I may someday give it to my daughter. Just thought I'd share, get it off my chest.
'My sweet little M,
I hope you never have to read what I am about to write. You are such a joy to me. You will be 5 years old in just a few days. Last night there was a storm and you came downstairs and crawled into bed with me and quickly fell asleep. I just watched you, amazed at how quickly you're growing, how smart you are and how beautiful you've become. As I watched you, I reaized I owe you this letter.
You were able to sleep next to me because mom has been sleeping upstairs in the guest room. I believe you brother slept with her. Your mom and I have loved each other for a long time, since we were kids really. But over the past couple of years things have not been going well. Please know that I love your mother with all my heart. She has done some things over the last couple of years which unfortunately is pushing us apart. I know that I have also been difficult at times, but I have always loved her. I am trying everything in my power to help bring your mother back to me. I want to live together as a hapy loving family. However, your mom doesn't believe that this is possible, and she is asking me for a divorce.
I can't bear the thought of not being able to see you every single day. I know that once you're grown, and reading this, you'll have your own life. I only have a few precious years to spend with you and your brother before yu are out on your own. I was hoping to be able to teach you things every day. And I know that I still will. I promise you that. No matter what happenns I am your father, I will always love you, and I will always be there for you. I'm never more than a phone call away. I will stop whatever I am doing, at any time, any place, to be there for you.
But the purpose of this letter is to teach you something. Something I did not learn until recently. Something I wished I had been taught, or learned on my own along the way. It may have helped your mother and I.
I want to teach you what little I know about love. I want you to experience true love, and I am certain that you will. You are already a very happy, thoughtful little girl.
As much hurt and pain that I am feeling now, I'd still say that love was worth it. The joys, the peaks, it was all worth it. It brought me you didn't it? How could it be bad?
Right now, you love flowers. So I want to tell you a story about love as a flower. I hope you still love flowers when you are 18 and reading this. If you can, think of loveas the most beautiful flower you can imagine. The sight of it, the weight of it, the smell of it. Everything aboutit is amazing. The moment you first saw it, you sensed there was something special about it. You couldn't take your eyes off it. If it is in the other room, you can't hep but peak around the cornerjust to catch another glimpse of it. You make excuses to walk past it, to smell it, to see it, if only for a second. Nothing feels better than to hold it, look at it, study it. And guess what? All of those things are exactly what that flower needs to grow. Sure it needs air and water, but to blossom it needs attention, admiration,affection. It needs your touch, it needs to hear your voice, to be held. And it all happens so easily. You want to be near it, it needs you to be. But in the beginning, it is so easy, you don't even realize it. You are providing everything that flower needs to continue grwing and blossoming forever. It is a flower that can really live forever. But only if allits needs are met. You must talk to it honestly, you must consider it's needs (is it too hot, too cold, too sunny, too drk?)provide it with comfort and affection and it will reward you with its beauty.. It needs all of these things every day. Sometimes you will be busy, you won't want to do all these things, it starts to feel like work instead of fun. You take its beauty for granted. But you must feed it, even if its just a little bit on these busy days. Then, when you hae more time, you can do more. But if you go several days in a row, the flower's bloom will close. With care you can get it to blossom again. It is normal to see the petals start to close and then reopen again.
If however, you believe that you own this flower, that it belongs to you, you will be sadly mistaken. Yu can't put it in a vase and put it in another room ro enjoy later. You can't keep it locked away in a temperature controlled display case. you can't let others proide its needs. You must do it yourself, daily. Or it will gradually die.
i wish I knew all this earlier. How little work it would have been to enjoy such a beautifulblossom\ for the rest of my life. I should have learned from the gardeners who trulyenjoy working in the garden with flowers. It is not work when you get to enjy the beauty of it all. How I wish I could wake up in the morning, and even if just for one more day, look over and gaze on the beauty, smell the fragrance, enjoy just being in its presence.
I hope I never have to give this to you. I hope ou mother's love will bloom for me again. Today the petals are closed tightly and I am doubtful it ever will. But please understand that I have learned my lesson well. I will always be here for you. I truly love you will all my heart, and always will.
Your Dad.
