Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum
This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at
mbrestored@gmail.com
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 228
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 228 |
Quick summary.......
My friend has been married over 15 years. Two children, age ranges 3-7, both girls. His wife gave him the typical "I'm not in love with you." "It's not you, it's me." She has tried to get him to move out, he refuses since he's not the one who wanted out of the marriage. He did suspect something was going on and hired a PI. Sure enough PI finds out she's been having an affair for months. My friend does not want to stay in a marriage, adultery is something where he draws the line. In this case, does he still expose the affair?
Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,531
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,531 |
Exposure turned out to be one of the most therapeutic things that I did. Everybody was very supportive of me and it actually removed some of the awkwardness people have when they are not sure what to say. Because I was willing to talk about it, they didn't feel like they had to walk on egg shells. And like I said, the support rolled in my way once everyone knew.
Also, shouldn't the kids know why their family is breaking up?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044 |
the other BS should not be kept in the dark. It is a true kindness to let the person know that they are being duped by their spouse. Expose away.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412 |
Immovinon,
If there is another betrayed spouse involved (wife of OM), then despite his lack of interest in remaining married....she needs to know. Her health is at risk and she deserves the truth so that she can make an informed decision to. I would be inclined also, to let his wife's parents know, because it's important that they understand the truth about the divorce (because he will be interacting with them as grand parents) and hopefully, they can have a good influence on his WW who is throwing her life down the toilet.
Beyond that, he can make a case by case decision.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,975
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,975 |
I agree that he will need to expose to selected people. If he doesn't, his WW will try to spin this to make it his fault.
Who
I am the BW,
He is the FWH
D-Day: 12/02/03
Recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 228
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 228 |
Thank you for your advice.
My friend's WW is having an A with a newly D man, so no need to expose to his XW.
As far as the kids are concern, do you all think they are too young to know?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,531
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,531 |
The 3 year old is probably too young but the 7 year old is not. They do both deserve to know because it is the reason for their family splitting apart. Children often blame themselves. They need to know they are not to blame - that there is a reason for this that they have nothing to do with.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860 |
Expose today, now. Expose may end the affair then who knows what will happen next.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 228
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 228 |
My husband and my friend have talked and my friend has made up his mind. The one deal breaker for him is adultery. This is the end for him.
Right now I don't think he will be exposing until after he meets with his attorney. I believe his proof of the A will help his chance in custody, alimony, and child support. In my state Alienation of Affection can be used against the OP.
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
584
guests, and
71
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
|
|
